The journey to my grandfather’s house was nothing but excruciating. Made me remind of the day I was begging my father to return back just so I could properly say goodbye to Ryder.
The whole situation screamed to be an example of my life being nothing but a huge irony. The same place I had begged dad to return to, is the place I dont want to return to. Without my parents my hometown is going to be just a place filled with their memories. I am now dreading every minute we are nearing the place. I am feeling suffocated by the fact that it may bring back the memories that I am not ready to visit, making me miss them even more.
It is also ironic how the same person I had cried to my parents to take me back to, is now creating troubles so that he don’t have to see me anymore.
In a way this seems like I am escaping but I am too exhausted mentally, emotionally, and in some unexplainable ways physically, to even stay there.
Though I had decided to leave after seeing to the lengths Ryder could go to, I could only leave after 3 days. Since I planned to leave for a week I had to make sure all the works wont be on hold because of me. Making some arrangements within 3 days for those works to be done, was one excruciating task.
Yet to be honest it could have been done in one day but it was my pathetic ways of showing that I wasnt leaving because of him but because I wanted to. Though I hardly believe he cares why I left more than if I had left.
So right now Amanda and I are on a painful road trip that she, despite my refusals have joined me, who by the way had kicked me out of the driver seat after seeing I had missed multiple exit route because ‘I was too into my daydream’, as per her words. Though she taking over to drive have given me even more time and space to think more.
The ride to my parents hometown first started with our conversations but later it got converted to comfortable silence for me and boring road trip for Mandy. The only thing that made the trip a little bit closer to fun for her was the music that was playing from her playlist. Or atleast that is what she said when I apologized for not being interested in the conversations she tried initiating for me to give reply in one word. Poor Mandy. Don’t blame me, I had warned her multiple times this was how the trip was going to turn out to be. Also she did expect that I would be too lost in my thoughts to talk that she had downloaded a bunch of songs.
I have no idea how this trip is going to turn out at the end. I am expecting all sorts of family drama to unfold the minute I reach. Like in the drama how the heroine’s estranged family treats her.
My experience with family has not been great so far, with Aunt Carol taking my mom’s company away and the whole drama with Ryder, I think my unwanted fears of unknown can somewhat be justified. And those experiences are from people I am relatively close with.
The people I am going to meet are people who have never been in contact with me, my whole life, other than my dad’s father.
After my parents eloped, as both their parents were against their relationship, only my dad’s father and my mom’s side family had contacted us. My dad’s family were still not approving of their relationship though its now been 26 years after they had eloped. Neither have they accepted me. Though I suspect there is something more to the story than the hating behind their eloping.
I have no idea what happened, or what was the whole store as this much is only the things that I have understood from the bits I have heard from my parents conversations.
My only relief is the fact that Amanda is going to be there with me throughout the time I deal with my family. Though I have got an inkling feeling that the relief is soon going to turn into huge fear.
Little did I know my future self would be proud of this inkling feeling.
—
Ring Ring.
“Is the place right?” asked Mandy for the umpteenth time.
“Yes.” I answered exasperated for the umpteenth time.
It has been only 15 mins since we reached here and 5 mins after the first time I rang the doorbell.
It took me 10 mins to get my panicky self under control though it took more of Amanda’s ‘knocking some sense into me’ to get myself out of my head.
I think impatience should have been Amanda’s middle name. More than my nervousness her impatience is what’s ticking me off. We have reached the place thanks to the GPS, grandad’s letter and dad’s description of the place. If it is the correct place, it had not changed at all. Good that nothings changed or else finding a place I have never been to would have been very difficult and tiring.
The house was situated in a very nice neighbourhood, elegant and not that many houses next to it leaving a large backyard for gardening.
It seems my grandparents are very fond in gardening that the path to the 2 story house was filled with flowers of different kinds. The gate was opened, allowing us to enter into this simple but beautiful house. If I was not filled with nervousness I would have loved the view.
I turned to Amanda with my expression saying, ‘one more time and it will be me who knocks you off’. I quickly turned around as the sound of door opening was heard. I released a deep breath of relief and sadness as I saw the unknown yet familiar face. Relief at not having to suffer anymore from her question. And sadness from looking at the old version of my dad.
His face makes me go into thoughts of how he also would have looked like if he were to be old as I got to get married and had kids, like my mom always wished to see. How I wish I could hear more of her tauntings. Strange. The same thing that I prayed to be stopped is some of the many things I wish I could hear one more time. It’s indeed is true how the wise people have told to never pray for things you know nothing about.
I quickly pulled myself out of my thoughts before I cried infront of him. But soon my sadness turned to worry seeing the tears forming in his eyes.
“My dear.” He exclaimed before I was engulfed in a very warm embrace. He feels like my dad too. The thought made the tears to build in my eyes, but I tried not to cry as I returned the hug with an equal hug trying to convey my emotions in it rather than showing it on my face.
He pulled back but held me in his arms giving me a once over. Making me self-conscious of my attire and worried if he could see through me like my dad used to.