“I’ll take you home,” Theo offered in a low voice, after I had completely ignored his question previously.
I must’ve stood frozen there for a while, because he called out my name again, snapping me out of my trance.
“Oh, no. You don’t have to.”
“I want to. Let’s go.”
We began walking, his arm snaked around my hip, holding onto me as if I was going to collapse.
I must’ve looked so pale, and he must’ve noticed it.
“Theo, about what you said when we -”
“I meant it.” He simply states, cutting me off with an assertive tone.
“You know I can’t. It’s not so simple.”
“It can be.”
“I can’t afford to find out.”
“Do you love him still?”
“No.”
I had admitted it, out loud, to him, and it felt liberating yet frightening all the same.
But the basic truth was that I couldn’t afford to leave him, even if our relationship had run its course.
“Then why stay?”
“Because he’s the only constant I have left, and if I lose him, I’ll have no one, and nowhere else to go.”
He looks down at the ground as we continue walking, opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it again when no words come out.
Why did he always do this?
Why couldn’t he tell me what he was thinking? It would’ve been so much easier.
“Fair enough.” He says instead, and I knew full well he wasn’t thinking it.
And I didn’t like his response.
It was so cold, and so dismissive, but I guess in context, he had answered exactly like how I wanted him to.
We reach the apartment complex, and he kisses me one last time, neither of us aware of the fact.
Until we see a drunk Sam stumbling out of the main building door.
“I fucking knew it,” he spits, but doesn’t make sudden advancements towards Theo and I, and simply trips over his own two feet as he walks slowly forwards.
“Sam, it’s not what it looks like -”
“What does it look like, Dove? Hm? Tell me. Because I just saw this asshole kiss you, and something tells me it wasn’t his first time.”
“Who the fuck do you think you are, throwing names around?” Theo lunges for him, but I catch him by his sweatshirt and pull him back just in time.
“I see him drinking doesn’t bother you one bit, Dove. But when I drink -”
“Because he doesn’t become a new fucking person with alcohol in his system, that’s why,” I seethe, and then go red at the thought that I was already defending one against the other, and not the right one.
Not the important one.
“Because you give me no fucking choice! You’ve gone and reinvented yourself, sleeping around with this -” he makes a disgusted face at Theo as he waves his arm in gesture, “god knows you’ve probably screwed the entire team by now.”
“Watch your goddamn mouth!” Theo screams, and this time I’m not so quick to pull him back, as his arms reach for Sam and he has him on the ground in seconds.
“Theo, stop!” I shriek, but my voice breaks with the tears that erupt, and my pleas don’t stop his movements.
He goes to land a punch on Sam’s face, followed by another, until I see droplets of blood splattered across his cheek.
He broke his fucking nose.
“Theo, get the hell off him!” I scream again, and he pins Sam to the ground with both hands, his head flying up to look at me.
“You honestly want to tell me that you feel safe living with this piece of shit! Can you not hear how he speaks to you!”
Not too long ago, Theo spoke to me like this too. He diminished the light I had left, and I had stormed out of his apartment, only to find myself in his arms once again weeks later.
When I don’t speak, he lifts himself up, and spits down on the ground next to Sam.
Moments later, with great struggle, Sam peels himself off the floor, almost choking on his own blood.
“I want to know everything,” he demands, then goes to wipe at the mess on his face with the bottom of his t-shirt.
“Sam, I -”
“Now, Dove. Or I’m walking.”
I take a deep breath, and feel my throat closing in – I couldn’t do this.
There was no way I was going to do this.
“Tell him, Dove. Or I will.” Theo insists, and I shoot him a look of plea, but he isn’t having it.
“Tell him now, because if I do, I’ll put it into words he very much won’t like,” he smirks, egging me on further.
“You shut the fuck up!” Sam retorts, and I step in between their bodies, attempting to prevent another fight with my own.
But who’s to say Sam, who had managed to hurt me before, would stop at my presence?
Who’s to say Theo would’ve, either?
I could never imagine Theo to be laying his hands on a woman, ever, despite his frightening temper.
But in that moment I didn’t trust any of them.
“I -”
But he was fed up.
The words I couldn’t work up the courage to spit out, he did.
In the most revolting way possible, degrading every act of intimacy we ever did, every night we ever shared, until those memories twisted in my mind to match his horrible descriptions.
“I had her screaming my name in seconds, and you couldn’t so much as guess the ways in which I took her,” he finishes, his eyes a violent shade of dark green, and an evil smirk plastered widely on his face.
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Sam shouted, and in a swift movement, moved around me and lunged for Theo, this time managing to have the upper hand as he grabbed him by the sweatshirt.
“She tastes so sweet, you know that?” He whispers, before shoving Sam back and having him hit the ground abruptly.
And all I could do was watch.