Over the years, I grew up believing one thing, whilst he grew up believing another. We grew from kids to young adults in complete separate worlds, only to be brought together and made to clash.
But I wouldn’t say we clashed at all – in fact, we began to adapt to each other’s ways. We taught each other, learned from one another, and ultimately found peace in each other’s presence.
The dove and the wolf.
I was expected at practise the following Friday – somehow I knew I would see him there, and so I was glad to learn that it had been cancelled the first Tuesday back from the extended thanksgiving weekend. Lilian was right – barely anyone was on campus, and people were only starting to come back on the Wednesday and Thursday of that week. As usual, it seemed that I was the only one here who truly cared for their education. Me and Sam.
I really would’ve been miserable spending the weekend alone on campus, but then again, I was made to feel equally as miserable, if not worse, at my parents’.
Returning to campus was like a breath of fresh air.
Until of course, it wasn’t.
“That’s all for today, girls. Dove, please stay behind for a few minutes after changing. Thank you,” the coach alerted, and I felt my nerves rising as I thought that this would be it – she was going to scream it, loud and clear, that I had been falling behind and that I was never meant to make the team. Part of me would’ve accepted it – the only reason I started cheerleading in the first place was for Sam, to surprise him, and I’d say I had accomplished that – it didn’t go the way I wanted it to, sure, but the target was achieved.
Again, I should’ve put an end to it there.
But I didn’t.
“You wanted to speak with me, coach?”
“Yes, Dove. So here’s the thing,” she begins.
I mentally prepare myself for all the criticism, or perhaps down right insults, I was about to receive. Things that, deep down, had been with me ever since I was a child. Things about my body, about my weight, about my height, the way I dressed. I was sick and tired of hearing it, either from friends or my parents. Never Sam though. He loved me for me.
And I couldn’t return the favour anymore.
“As you very well know, games will begin shortly, just before the Christmas holidays. We have been trying to get a hold of our initial group of girls, but sadly they can’t ensure us they’ll be here for all games.”
Oh. My. God.
“And so,” she continues, “I have decided to offer you a permanent position on the team. That’s not to say you will cheer every game, because if one of the girls is able to make it, then you will be benched due to lack of experience in this sort of sport. But I’m counting on you to make the numbers we need to have a full team present at all games. Understood?”
I couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her mouth. I was told this countless times before, even during our first conversation prior to attending practice. But I didn’t actually expect her to give me a place, especially given my ‘lack of experience’, as she said. But then again, once in a while miracles happen, and people can be tempted to believe in you, and to give you a chance.
And this was one of those times where I took it reluctantly, but nevertheless, took it.
Before I could even thank her or provide any sort of response for that matter, she is gone, and leaning by the post is the one person whom I have dreaded to see all week, but even then, I knew this not to be true.
I didn’t dread to see him – I actually couldn’t wait.
“So you made the team, huh? I must say freshman, I am impressed. Didn’t think you had it in you,” he smirks, and unfolds his arms from his chest to begin walking towards me.
“Can’t say I’m happy to see you here, Theo.”
“You’re lying, again. But that’s okay. I have that effect on people.”
What a cocky guy.
“Why are you here?” I ask him, eager to get the uncomfortable talk out of the way.
“What kind of question is that? This is my pitch,” he remarks, as if he owned the entire field. Again, the cockiness never failed to show through.
“Why are you really here?”
He sighs, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to avoid the conversation, before speaking up,
“I know I apologised for kissing you after it happened, but if you’re expecting another apology from me now, don’t. You’re not going to get it.” He shrugs, and I open my mouth to speak, but when no words come out, he sees it as an opportunity to continue.
“What I mean is, I’ve thought about it, and I’m not sorry that it happened.”
“Why?” I ask, after a momentary pause of silence, and he blinks back, as if I’ve grown three heads.
“Because I’m just not.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Yeah well, you ask too many questions.”
What?
“If you’re going to go back to being rude to me, save it. I don’t need you to make me feel worse than I already do about what happened.”
“Does it really bother you that much?”
“Of course it does! Theo, we kissed. And I have a boyfriend.”
“Ah yes. The infamous boyfriend. Samuel, was it? How’s he doing, by the way?” A stupid grin is plastered on his face, as he moved closer to me and holds eye contact.
Fuck him and his brilliant green eyes.
“He’s fine.”
“Where were you this weekend?”
And I’m the one who asks too many questions?
“Sam and I went back to my parents’ for thanksgiving dinner.”
“The American holiday?”
“Yes,” I smile lightly at his cluelessness, but decide not to mock him over it knowing that the English don’t celebrate half the things we do.
We were having an actual conversation. Minus both of our inabilities to not be intrusive, and his crude words here and there, this was nice.
And I was enjoying his company.