Whilst the females moved an unconscious Lumina to the other room, Elriam was generous to place the pup in my trembling awaiting hands. It was a male, yet there was no happiness from my side mere neutralness for I had lost someone dear to me.*It was a day of birth and death, birth of my male the death of me.*
The reason I had feared to love her had come to stand haughtily in my reality, Lumina wanted to leave me. She spewed heartless words to my face of how I disgusted her, of how she rebuked our bond that we were no more as one.
She said she could live without me with such ease as I tensed my jaw and took her strikes for I earned it. I deserved each blow of her whip as it peeled the skin off my bones.
Then she changed. She became a female I could not recognize, our relationship had blazed to ashes there was nothing left between us. She left a trail behind with torn pieces of herself that I often secretly bent to pick up and lay in my treasure box.
Lumina built a house far from the castle grounds and in it, she sojourned with Kal. This was a situation I could not subdue, how could I when even the sight of me offended my female? How could I when she trampled over my every trial to bring us back together?
The tree of hope we planted as one had rotten and was chopped, there was no tree anymore. It felt as though I was wandering in a sullen tunnel with no end. All I possessed with me was my bleeding soul to give me solace, my wolf remained withdrawn as he kept his distance from me.
He charged me and I condemned myself. I had no wolf by my side to show me the way out, to show me the right pathway forward and I grappled to stand on my feet.
I did little things for Lumina, things I thought would make her happy but she admonished them spitting at it hurling it away. Nothing I did created access to her, she never wished to see me or discourse with me. I was able to persevere because of my male, because of the time Lumina enabled me to spend with him. It was a beautiful feeling he gave me of being a father. I felt loved, loved by him. He adored me and I him.
Because of Kal, I gathered my strength each day Lumina would break it apart with her pitiless words and deeds. He compelled me to forge my bond with his mother, those green eyes of his spoke to me of beloved things and I succumbed to him.
The day Lumina slaughtered the chosen, I felt deliverance from my sin. I hoped that the female’s death would elevate some of my female’s madness at me but it did not. Every time we would chat together the topic of the chosen would immorally rise to destruct our healing bond I drudged to nurture.
How should one seek for what they had lost? I did not know how to steer my female back to me. Lumina scorned me with every breath she took and the day she admitted it to me with the words I hate you, I mourned in my chilly room gripping my head in my palms for her words had brought forth bottomless grief within me. I could not make her love me again if she hated me.
I could never call her mine again and that made me wish to leap off that bridge I still stood upon.
Lumina made her own table with her females as her shield from me, she refused to sit beside her moon blessed. She protested to at times even be in the same room as me. I was foul to her, unworthy and sickening. She told me to learn to live without her and I found her words to be assaulting, for how could I when she was the air my lungs lacked to breathe. She was my sole necessity, my food, my water… my *home*.
And just like that two seasons had crossed us with us both battling like untamed beasts, she saw me as her enemy something she needed to kill with her own two hands and whenever I tried to change that perspective she would flee into the shell of her house.
It was not a home for her home was with me and I was going to prove it to her with time. I had always been patient and I was going to use it to make my female understand me and my choices.
However before I could act on it a war had manifested itself for me to triumph in, another fracture in our relationship. It was as though the universe did not wish for us to remain as one often dividing us apart in any way it could.
I was unsure if I would return from war so I wrote a letter expressing my feelings to Lumina and rammed it underneath my pillow in case my life was taken from me for at least she would know my truth and the reasoning behind my decisions as an Alpha.
Yet the very next day the Goddess sent forth a sign for me to revel in, the true feelings of my female was rawly portrayed to me. No matter how vigorously she tried to burrow it or if she did not know it herself she was worried for her male.
She had travelled five days alone to check on me to see if I breathed and that intention of hers blew air into my deprived lungs, I could breathe once more. That was my light at the end of the tunnel I lingered in and I was going to compete for us for Lumina showed me I still had a possibility to rectify my sins in her eyes.
I made a settlement, I made another choice. I was going to choose my female over my pack and I was going to set the route straight for Kal to lead on in the future.