I entered Cronus’s lands with a calmness which I owned a lot of yet with her fit of aggression towards me she stripped it all apart, she tested me with every breath she took. Master of control? No, when it came to her I was *a master of nothing*.
Then I assumed her truth, she did not wish to return for she was in love with Cronus. It had to be the only reason, my canines ached to mark her then and there and drag her outside by her neck exhibiting to every wolf she was mine. I wanted to do it the hard away be the pitiless vicious beast I was.
Then Lumina wailed and my being shook, her tears I was powerless to behold anymore. I did not wish to hurt her further than I already had. When she stuttered the truth of her feelings to me of how it had always been me and shall remain so forevermore I strived to hide my surging smile. She chose me and that was all that mattered.
And for the first time in a very long time, I sincerely apologized and freed my soul a little for her eyes. I informed her of my fears and apprehension whilst begging for her to return to me. Never in my life would I have believed that I would urge my female to regress into my arms. It was many firsts and I felt strange as though she had hoisted a tremendous weight off my being. A weight that was drowning and smothering me with its unrelenting arms.
She said she despised me but little did she know I hated myself too. It was all right if she truly did for I would have remained by her side until the moon called for me, this was a silent promise I made to her that night.
At certain midnight she even mustered the courage to question me if I loved her. Love. Was I in love? Was that how it truly felt like to be in love? I did not know if I was wholly in love with her that I could confidently proclaim it but I knew for sure I was falling. Hard. She overtook all my senses like a formidable virus I could not heal from but I was not enthusiastic to declare it to her for being in love meant becoming vulnerable.
After mother and father died I could scarcely breathe, each day I thought of casting myself to the moon. There was a fear I would lose Lumina to nature too so I denied her the words that she desperately yearned to hear from me as I painstakingly turned my back to my moon blessed once more.
After that everything seemed to sail smoothly between us with mild turbulences, everything seemed serene a bright light shone on our future until her needs set her on fire after her first heat. She demanded us to have sex, for me to mark her for us to unite our souls.
But we had just commenced our relationship, it was still a seed we needed to nurture before progressing to the next step and this she did not understand. I did not possess the energy to cross more fire coated bridges for her, I needed time but she was not willing to wait.
She wanted to live for the future I wanted to live in the present. Too different, we were too distinct from the other. At times I fancied it and the other times I shunned it. Of how she could not accept my intentions or how she lacked the patience to acquire a few things. It was too soon for us and she did not see this as clearly as I did.
My female selected a different road, a way to provoke me to ridicule me with her despicable actions and words. The day Alpha Rastus arrived on my lands with his pregnant female Eliana, she had chosen for it to be the day she would make me bleed. The way she glanced at him with that lewd hunger, goddess I wanted to kill her. She possessed the audacity to thirst after another male in front of me, I had never disrespected her like that.
I was losing control, my wolf commanded me to haul her to our room and have our way with her. To punish her for her behaviour and show who the Alpha between us was. But that meant I would be giving in to her hostility towards me. I would have had sex with her because of my jealousy and not because I treasured her.
There was a difference and I tried to halt our fiery conversation but she kept pushing and pushing until I gave in to the villain within me. If she wants sex, I will show her how I would have taken her the day we first met with her sobbing on her hands and knees, I thought to myself.
With that intention I dragged her up to my room, my chest heaved with my soaring rage with her. I wanted to hurt my female, make her cry for her insolence yet I knew I could never do that to my mate. It was a mere warning from my side, did she believe I held no heart. That her words and actions would not sway me one bit?
I was wounded, truly hurt by her. How could she look at him that way? To insult me, to terrorize me? Why would she do that? It was a sense of betrayal I felt within me. Was I not hers to be thirsted after but another mated male? I had never thought she would do that to her male.
With a sense of detachment that swamped me, I thrust my fingers into her cunt unfeeling of her emotions whilst she tensed up around me. She was afraid of what I would do to her. She was in fear of me and I cursed internally. That was not what I had wanted, I only wished to prove my reasons for delaying our mating.
Then she wept and I ceased. One sob from her throat was like an arrow to my heart, everything I seemed to do made her cry. It felt as though everything was my fault. That I could never make her happy, truly happy. But I reigned in my shattering mind forcing her to deliver her truth to me.
*I am sorry. I am so very sorry.*
I constantly apologized throughout my brutal actions and as she finally surrendered to me I left her warmth guilt settling in, my hand trembled and my being shook with a violentness.