The second my lips brushed softly against hers, I knew it. She would be the death of me and what astonished me was I deemed I would willingly die for her if that was what she wanted. She drove me wild and frantic streaming behind her like a panting male in a rut.
Yet that very same night as Cronus pressed her against that wall and vocalised of the feelings he possessed for my female the beast in me mounted, he destroyed the barriers and clawed his way up to make his claim and I failed to stop him.
I detested the vile sight of Cronu’s fingers on her flesh, the closeness of their lips. She was mine and mine alone, every part of her belonged to me. If she had run away from my heat I would have hunted her, arrested her and barred her in my room for weeks fucking her with a savagery until she squealed the truth of whom her male was.
But from that event stemmed insecurity, I grew to become anxious that she would leave me. My confidence in myself diminished with each rising day she had spent with that male. I never cared if wolves deserted me but when it came to her I was eager to get on my hands and knees to plead. Yet our relationship was unpleasant, she pulled I pushed and the days she pushed I pulled. It was a constant tug of war between us and it drained me every bit but I was getting addicted to it. *To us.*
So I wore a disguise. I pretended I was trying in our relationship that I was sinking into love so she would linger and birth me that heir which was my duty to provide for the pack. I read tons of books, researched the true meaning of love so I could immerse myself into my role. It worked for she opened up to me, she discoursed of her past which she had done so with none other. It… it made me insanely happy. A feeling of being special to her, I cherished it.
But that disguise of mine was never a genuine one for unknowingly I was entering the devil’s lair. I was truly falling in love and that elevating feeling was accompanied by a gut-wrenching horror, I couldn’t do it. To be vulnerable with my female for her to see all of me. For then it would mean I would be caged by her. She would be used as an advantage to get to me, she would end up in danger because of me. I could not let that happen.
The revelation of my false disguise, I hoped to take it to my grave. Yet the moon shall never permit deceptions and manipulation to pass unobstructedly for with time my female came to know the reality of my actions. As Ragon unlocked that wretched door to unveil my weeping female, my breath hitched and for the first time, the beats of heart clenched achingly and quickened to a rapid place. I could not breathe. It took me a few minutes to calculate the emotion that was flooding me.
*Guilt.*
She looked at me as though I had committed an enormous sin, I did not like that expression of hers it aggravated me. What had she expected from me? In a way, I had been feeding her what she wanted giving in to her needs. But it seemed as though it was not large enough for her to chew, swallow down and digest for she demanded more and with that my female readily said she was leaving.
The rhythms of my heart paused for a mere second, leaving? To where? She was home, where else did she want to go rather to whom was the primary question that stood haughtily on the tip of my tongue? I did not like the words she spewed at me with indignation saying I could do anything I pleased and she would not fight for me anymore. I had never once asked her to do so for me?
Whilst she turned around and left the walls of my castle without another thought or a glance at me I understood how little I mattered to her for she not only abandoned me but her females as well because of my actions. I had foreseen it. It was not as though she would have sat with me nuzzled into my chest and spoke with me of the reasons for my doing.
Of my fear of love or being abandoned by those whom I shall love. Of endangering those dear to me. If she had asked me, I would have told her, not everything but enough for her to understand.
She confused me to an extent that I was archly bothered for all I could do was remain in my office and think of her for my female’s presence lightened up my eerie castle no more. It seemed more piercing than usual more shadowed and sombre. It was mourning her loss somehow just as I secretly was no matter how much I sought to deny it, the delicate echoes of her laughter or the brightness of her tender smiles.
Forty-four days. Forty-four days of anguish without her by my side. I had counted every night but I had a sense she wasn’t doing the same. Cronus called me oftentimes conversing of how well she was thriving on his lands and it supplemented my jealousy.
Perhaps it was as she said the goddess had made a blunder perhaps Lumina was meant to be his for she seemed to be relishing our distance from the pictures he sent me. Carefree and candid she looked.
I smiled when I viewed the secret photographs of her I had requested him to take for me, I missed her. She was truly breathtaking with her luminous smile and her generous heart. Too good, she was too good for me.
I ruined my nights boozing my confusion away, I did not understand why the space in my heart grew larger with time without her mouth calling my name. Alcohol is never the answer they said but it gave me mine. I needed to bring my female back home even if it meant doing something I would never do.
Therefore on the day of the lantern festival, I gathered my faltering courage and went to see her yet she once more denied me. It was as though the very sight of me perturbed her. She did not wish for me near her or touch her and it infuriated me with a passion.
I was her male, how could she be so rejective? Then she claimed she preferred to stay, I wanted to laugh out loud for I had given her the space she required from me so she could have some peace. If she wished to stay she could do it *over my dead being*, I thought.