I sucked in a sharp breath.
…’It’s sad to see that Benny doesn’t discipline that smart mouth, tsk tsk, when will you learn babykins?’…
“Please don’t s-say that,” I murmured, shaken at that comparison. Was he watching now? I turned my head to look around the room, but it was empty. But, so was my bathroom and he managed to get a photo of myself in the shower…
I saw some motion form the corner of my eye and I turned back to Benlyam who was snapping for my attention.
“Violet! Are you even listening to me?” he snapped. I blinked, apologized, and waited for him to continue. “I specifically told you ‘no’ to this!” he reminded me and I swallowed.
“Yeah, but look, you s-said you didn’t want me to have it cause I’ll hurt myself, but look,” I dropped the towel on the counter, pulling up my sleeves, showing him my wrists. “S-see? I haven’t! And- and- I-” no more words came out, my stuttering kept them locking in my throat, holding them by their syllable.
“Steady,” Benlyam advised, “it’s okay, go slowly, you’ll get it.”
“I- I could’ve, but I didn’t Bee,” I spoke word by word.
He bit his lip and glanced at my wrists. He cussed, tossed the razor on the counter and it fell in the sink, clinking as he sighed out and looked back at me.
“Come here,” he ordered, grabbing my arm and tugging me to him. I came closer as he asked, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me to his chest.
I rested my head and he breathed in my scent. Sage fluttered in fondness.
“I don’t like this Honey,” he spoke against my hair. I loosely wrapped my arms around his clothed torso. “We could’ve talked about this.”
I looked at him, “last time you choked me.” He frowned and ran his fingers through my hair, untangling it.
“I’m sorry about that,” he kissed my forehead. “I just don’t want you hurting yourself, honey. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that your mind can lead you to some painful actions.”
“But I didn’t. S-see,” I defended and I went to show him my arms again but he held me against him, halting my movements.
“I know honey. I’m overjoyed at that, I am. But I’m not too fond of you keeping things from me, I just want to keep you safe. Protect you,” he rubbed my back and I nodded.
“Sorry,” I whispered as I rested my head against his chest again. I’m sorry that I’m keeping notes behind your back and I have no intention of telling you.
“Flower, you didn’t stutter,” he spoke out. My brows furrowed in confusion.
“Huh?”
“The ‘s’ sound is hard for you, but you didn’t stutter,” he explained. I felt my cheeks warm-up, I didn’t think he’d notice that. He kissed my head and pulled back, holding my hand. “Let’s go eat.”
I smiled and walked with him. “You’re eager to eat.”
“On the contrary, you skipped lunch. You’re doing well with your meals and improving with your weight. I don’t want to mess it up,” he explained, pulling out my seat for me when we got to the table.
I nodded as meals were placed in front of us and we ate in peace. I liked this. I liked him. I liked whatever this was. I liked how he was starting to listen to me, he was being a little more understanding. He understood some symptoms I’ve had before, like my insomnia or when I didn’t sleep in the bed. I liked how he made sure I was okay with everything when we completed the bond.
I hated how I was still keeping secrets from him. It made sense to me- because, in my mind, Chris was undefeatable. Despite Benlyam’s title, background, and menacing demeanor- I couldn’t fathom telling him because I was afraid. I was afraid he’d hurt Benlyam, even though Sage thought that was utterly ridiculous, and I’d hate myself even more if he got hurt because of me.
Sage was baffled. There was no doubt in her that our mate wouldn’t be able to keep us safe, and a part of me agreed with her. But after experiencing what Chris was capable of for years on end- I knew better.
After dinner, we went back up to his room. We were laying in bed, soaking in each other. My hand mindlessly tracing patterns on his bare chest. He had the television in his room playing but I wasn’t paying attention to it.
My mind wandered to my episode while we did it. I was embarrassed, thinking back on it, it made a frown come to my face. Was he embarrassed? He had to deal with a traumatized, crying girl, I bet the other woman he slept with never cried…
“Flower?” I hummed in response, “what do you think about holding the Luna ceremony next week?”
A frown plastered on my face as I pulled up, looking at him with my heart thumping. I shook my head at him, I’ve already told him I wasn’t Luna, I couldn’t be. He said so himself! Although he disregarded all previous insults made my way, he still said it!
“Flower, don’t make that face. You’ll be wonderful, everyone already knows you are, it’s just a matter of officiating it,” he sat up with me and grabbed my hands to soothe me.
Hannah said something similar to me.
I couldn’t help but scrunch my nose. “No.”
“Honey,” Benlyam gave me a look, “it’s inevitable. You and I both know that.”
“But I can’t Bee,” I whined and he looked at me, like what I said was so unbelievably stupid and offensive.
“Why would you say that?” he asked, eyebrows together as his eyes bored into mine.