“Violet, sit.” He commanded me to do so, he used his alpha voice. I wouldn’t-couldn’t object.
I sunk back into my seat and my nails started to scratch my wrist. A habit when I couldn’t nick myself with an actual tool.
Alpha Derek instantly grabbed my hand in a tight hold.
“Look at me.” He growled. I brought my teary eyes to his hard ones. “Don’t you ever fucking do that.”
He yanked my wrist towards him and pushed my sleeves up so they revealed my self-inflicted cicatrices.
I yanked them back, but no result was formed, his grip only tightened. My eyes were rapidly blinking to clear tears as I looked at him.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to hide. I’ve already read Reseda’s report.” He pushed my wrist back and stood up to lean against his desk, all the while my eyes were glued to his.
“Insomnia, the disorder in which one has difficulties falling and -or- staying asleep.” He defined although I already knew what it meant. Maybe not word for word but Reseda told me and I learned over the years. “Is that why you’re up?” I timidly nodded.
“And you came here? At…” he leaned back and looked at the clock on the side of the wall, “two o’clock in the morning.”
I had nothing to say. Maybe I was being rude by staring at him, but my gaze didn’t leave.
“Yet- somehow in that silent mind of yours, you knew I was in my office.” He had no clue how loud my mind was. Or maybe he did and wanted to jab at it.
He crossed his arms. “You’re awfully silent. Some are silent until they’re under me- then they’re screaming for more” A frown made its way onto my face at his comment.
I couldn’t help as my eyes watered, I felt like such a baby but it hurt and I couldn’t help it.
I was hurt that he was talking about other girls he had in bed. My voices were calling me a hypocrite, the fact I was hurt for him having lovers when I wasn’t a virgin. Deep down I knew they were wrong. I had no lover, I was violated. But I was no virgin, so why should he be?
… Would he still mark me?…
“I have no intention.”
That stung. My eyes were so blurry
‘No one wants damaged goods.’
‘Even though nothing about you is good…’
“W-why?” I whispered.
“Why?” He chuckled. “Why? Why would I mark you? Hmm, let’s see, why?” He pretended to think, tapping his chin deridingly.
My eyes fell from his face, pain filling my system, anticipating his next words. Yet, I knew what was coming.
“Why would I want you? You’re a damaged flower. You’re weak. Now- when you look at me, you can see, I am not weak. I am not frail, I am not skeleton-like.” Tears sprung at my eyes and he continued. Please don’t cry, I knew it was coming because of how blurry my eyes were.
“I-I’m s-sorry,” I whispered out, utterly hurt and it didn’t make complete sense. But I felt like I had to apologize to him like I did something wrong.
“When my people envision their Luna, they don’t see you,” he spat, “they see a strong, powerful woman, not some weakling that can barely talk.”
I can talk. My stuttering has been getting better, just not in the presence of him.
I nodded my head. He was right.
“I-I’m s-sorry,” I mouthed, my eyes dropping. My throat hurt. Just stop talking.
“And when you go back into your room, and your scarred self feels like adding to your collection- just remember you can’t. All razors and any other possible hazards have been removed.”
My heart strained. What would I do? That was my escape… I looked up at him with wide, hurt, teary eyes.
“A-Alpha…” I choked out. “N-no, p-please,” I bit my lip, words were even audible to me at this point.”
“No. End of discussion,” he snipped.
He walked around to his desk and opened a drawer. He pulled out a prescription bottle and walked to his mini-fridge and pulled out an unopened water bottle. He handed me a pill and gave me the water.
I didn’t want to take it. I knew they were sleeping pills. I glanced at the clock, three fifteen. I didn’t want to sleep.
“Take it, Flower.”
Something in me liked when he called me a flower. But moments ago he called me a damaged flower, now it doesn’t have the same feeling.
Unwillingly I swallowed the pill and I held back tears doing so. I hated sleeping. I craved it, needed it but I couldn’t have it. Fear was always breathing down my neck knowing Alpha Chris would be in my mind. His name alone frightened me. The envisionment of him was worse. Except they weren’t visions- they were memories.
Alpha Derek walked to the door, commanding me to follow. It was pointless to sleep now. On average, a sleeping pill takes an hour to kick in, according to doctor Reseda, which means it would be about four when I would go under.
Pointless.