As soon as I was done, I resumed staring at my notes.
A while later, Matthew returned to get the plates. His soft “good girl” coiled a tiny bit of warmth in my chest, but it did nothing to dispel the icy chill.
It took some time, but eventually it did. To keep myself occupied, I read over my notes once more, turning the pages every few minutes.
It wasn’t until Mathew walked in and turned on the light that I realized it was becoming dark outside. I blinked rapidly against the unexpected brightness, but I kept my gaze averted as he came closer.
He said, “Brush your teeth and get ready for bed.”
It was too early for that, but I wasn’t planning on doing anything anyhow. It seemed like a decent plan to go to sleep.
Once again, I gave a satisfied nod.
I followed his advice and nestled myself beneath the blanket with a minty fresh lips. I hardly noticed the luxurious feeling of the pink silk nightgown Nicola had purchased me as it slid over my skin when I moved. It was a state between sleep and consciousness, and I closed my eyes and went there.
Time passed, and eventually I was awakened by the gentle click of my bedroom light coming on. When I slid onto my back, Nicola was there, staring at me with a little grin curling his luscious lips.
“It’s been a while, Honey. I was thinking about you a lot. ”
I felt a sob rip from my chest and buried my face in the pillow. I just didn’t have the guts to look him in the eye. My inability to admit my guilt was crippling. He was too important to me to lose.
I was talking, and he sat down on the bed to hushe me. I was lifted off the ground by his powerful arms and propped up against his chest. He ran his hand down my back in an attempt to calm me down.
His arms would never again enfold me once I told him the truth. Even as I clung to him, my tears flowed freely.
I choked out a “I’m sorry.” To which they said, “I’m very sorry.”
With a soothing voice, he assured me, “It’s okay,” and continued to stroke and comfort me. It’s all right, don’t worry. Please don’t cry, Honey.
“But I… There’s something about this that you don’t know…” I couldn’t get the words out, unable to express the full extent of my betrayal.
“Matthew filled me in on what transpired. Don’t worry about it. ”
The sob that tried to escape my throat got stuck. I blinked vigorously to dry my eyes. My eyes shot upwards as I tried to decipher his expression.
“What?” In a thick voice, I inquired.
My hair was brushed off my forehead as he spoke. His repeated, “It’s okay” was reassuring. And it’s fine that I know what happened.
My head shook. Each time I said, “You don’t understand,” a knife of pain stabbed through my chest. So, I returned his kiss.
“I know. Also, Honey, I’m not mad at you.
I was stuttering for air. To believe it was beyond my wildest imagination. What you’re saying is, “So, you don’t…” Are you sure you don’t despise me? Are you letting me off the hook?
I can’t believe it’s that simple. That Nicola touched another woman would break my heart.
I don’t hate you, of course not. Nothing needs to be forgiven.
The wrinkles appeared on my forehead. My brain was unable to process it. Surely he must feel something. At first, he was extremely possessive of me. Until this moment, he still was. From the way he kissed me, I could tell he was desperate.
“You’re not pissed off?”
It seemed impossible, but he smiled at me with the brightest of smiles. Dear Sweetheart, you are the source of my greatest joy.
“So, you… You’re still interested in me, right? ”
He vowed, “Always.” We long to be in your company. You and I.”
When I heard that, my heart skipped a beat. Surely, I couldn’t have misunderstood him. “You two?” A squeak could be heard in my question.
“His head bobbed up and down. Both of us. Both Matthew and I”
“But there’s no way… That isn’t…” I was at a loss for words and stuttering. I was at a loss for words and unable to think clearly. Suddenly, being in Nicola’s arms made me ridiculously hot.
“See? I was right about her all along!” The deep bass of Matthew’s voice rolled over me, attracting my attention like a magnet. The blush on her cheeks is so pretty.
He was standing in the threshold, staring at me.
When Nicola’s fingers brushed against my hot cheek, a tingling sensation like electricity danced over my skin. My entire being vibrated with conscious awareness. As strongly as I felt Nicola’s physical touch, I also felt Mathew’s presence.
Nicola told him that he was correct. “I should have listened.”
My mind was racing and I felt strangely detached from my own thoughts. It was as if we were all in a strange dream.
I told Nicola in a choked whisper, “But I cheated on you. “