Chapter 61

Book:Falling For The Mafia Published:2024-6-2

There was a knot in my gut and I tried to avoid thinking about the dawning knowledge of the terrible treachery I’d just perpetrated.
To show his affection, he kissed the crown of my head. OK, sweetie. Soap up and get clean. After that, you can get some work done, and I’ll get you some food.
Eventually, apathy crept in, and I nodded.
When he finally let go of me, his muscular arms were cold and I could feel goose bumps forming on my skin.
He urged me to “go on” though I showed no signs of moving.
I rapidly retreated, peeling myself away from him like a Band-Aid. I quickly locked myself in the restroom to create space between us.
I stripped down and activated the shower. Water was hardly warmed above room temperature. The climax had left me sweating and my body warm. To refresh myself, that is.
Orgasm. When Mathew’s voice would go low or when he’d touch me firmly, I’d go crazy and smear myself all over his hand. When he had me in his grasp, I felt so little and defenseless.
However, the horrible reality was that I hadn’t been completely powerless. It wasn’t like he’d forced himself on me or anything. Despite my bewilderment, I was still a player in whatever was going on.
I returned his kiss with one of my own.
Because he insisted I show up. Because he had just spanked me. Following his insistence that I address him as “Daddy,” I did so.
Disgusting waves of shame washed over me
I cheated on Nicola. It’s true; I cheated on Nicola with his closest buddy.
It made my stomach turn and bile rose to my throat at the mere idea of it. I inhaled deeply through my nose and tried to fight off the nausea.
Before my intense feelings could bubble to the surface, I stifled them. The gravity of what I’d done overwhelmed me. Facing the enormity of my treachery would be too much for my heart to bear.
Soap up and get clean. My mind kept replaying Matthew’s comments, which were oddly reassuring. If I followed his instructions, I might forget about my life for a time. To get Nicola back would mean admitting my terrible transgression, and it would break my heart.
This morning, he confessed his misdeeds to me and told me about the guy he killed as a result of his acts, and I was willing to give him another chance. I was just about to confess my feelings when we had to stop.
Now that’s gone to pot. If I told him I loved him now, after I cheated on him with Mathew, he would probably leave me for good.
In response, I shivered and dialed up the temperature. Suddenly, the air was far too cold for my skin.
As long as I could endure it, I lingered in the shower under the hot water.
After drying off and changing into clean clothes, I went back into the bedroom and sat down at the desk. I started reading the material my colleague had uploaded for me to read. Mathew had printed them out because I was still not allowed internet access, though I had been allowed to send a few more emails to Jayme. Since my dad hadn’t bothered to respond to my initial email asking for time off from school, I decided to stop bothering him with the topic.
I tried to avoid this new source of suffering. My weak little heart just couldn’t handle it.
The people I cared about the most were going to be disappointed with me. A failure and a betrayal, I was. To be avoided at all costs.
A tear escaped my eye, and I quickly brushed it away so that I could concentrate on the notes. To regain my father’s approval, I need just excel in school.
I spent hours staring at the pages in front of me, flicking through them absentmindedly before going back to attempt to read the words I had previously skimmed.
When my bedroom door opened, I woke up abruptly. Mathew didn’t even try to get our attention by knocking.
I avoided his gaze but felt his presence. Beside my notes, he placed a glass of water and a golden grilled cheese sandwich. Separately on the dish was a dense, dark-chocolate brownie that had been lightly sprinkled with powdered sugar.
“Godess, you didn’t eat enough at lunch. Even though it’s still early, I’m going to serve supper since I know you’re hungry. ”
A robotic nod came from my lips. This time, I didn’t feel like eating. For some reason, I felt completely empty.
I winced as he slipped my hair behind my ear. Slowly, he backed away. Even though I could feel the intensity of his scrutiny, I forced myself to keep my eyes on my notes.
He let out a heavy sigh. In half an hour, I’ll come back for those plates. I suppose they’ll be vacant. Is that right?
He reverted to his previous, commanding tone. For this reason, I gave a satisfied nod of the head.
There was a moment of eerie quiet before he withdrew. It seemed as if I were dreaming as I ate the sandwich. It was excellent, with just the right amount of crispiness and oozing with at least four distinct kinds of cheese. The flavors warmed me, and I ate the whole thing in a few mindless bites.
If anything, the rich brownie would have been sickening on my sour taste buds, but even in my state of despair, I couldn’t resist the temptation of chocolate.