So, my past unfolds before everyone without reservation. This is what I don’t want to recall most, and this is the pain I hide in my heart, but now everyone knows it, and they are criticizing me.
Did I lose again this time?
I’ve been living hard these years to improve myself, but it won’t work? I am sad when seeing every comment on the Internet. I really feel despaired.
“Do you think I’m just a failure?” Tears fill my eyes.
James says, “No.”
I look up at him, sniff and say, “Why?”
James touches my nose and says, “Because you captivate me. This is the greatest success of your life.”
I freeze.
James wipes the tears from my eye. “Actually,” he says, “I would like you to fail in everything you do, because you will come to me unconditionally, and I will be your last straw.”
“And you can rely on me, you can’t leave me, and then you will be willingly with me.” James smiles bitterly, “But that’s what I thought before, and I’ve paid for it. Now I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
He never says these words to me. He wants to tell me that he is no longer the man he used to be. He could be trusted, be relied on and I can let down all my guard in front of him.
I hide myself in James’s arms and cry, “But you said you are only interested in me, and maybe you don’t like me anymore after you get tired of me!”
I whimper and James laughs.
“You believed everything I say. I lied to you. How could I keep you if I don’t say that? I’m just trying to confuse you temporarily. Carolina, look me in the eye.” James cups my face and says solemnly, “I love you, always and forever. I’ve been in love with you the first moment I saw you. It hasn’t changed over the years.”
“James! You are a jerk! You should be responsible for me!” I beat his chest, tears and snot flying out.
“Fine! Fine! I must be responsible for you!” James hugs me tightly.
“Marry me and let me take care of you for the rest of your life. Any problems between us will never be a problem. You can trust me. I can handle everything alone now.”
“So, don’t be afraid.” James pats my back as if I am a child.
He is seducing me, as if he knows I could never resist such tenderness.
“But did my father’s death really have nothing to do with you? Your mother said you’ve arranged for those people.” I ask, looking into his eyes to see if he is lying to me.
James’s face suddenly turns ugly and he looks angry.
“Carolina, is that what you think of me? I did give advice to the men, but I wanted them to take good care of your father, not to kill him.” James frowns.
I got it. Someone misinterpreted his words, so that they eventually forced my father to die.
“James, are you telling the truth?” I ask.
James swears, “If what I said is false, let me lose you forever! This is the greatest punishment for me!”
“I believe you! I put my hand on James’s mouth.
I have misunderstood him for so many years. We really missed too much time.
“So, will you marry me?” James says earnestly.
“Carolina, marry me. I said those three words five years ago, and I’m going to ask you again. Carolina, marry me!” James suddenly gets down on one knee and pulls the ring from his pocket with which he has proposed to me.
Many years ago, he proposed to me in the shabby auditorium. He risked his life to save me in the flames of war. Those memories seemed to repeat in front of my eyes.
“Yes!” I say.
James rushes over me excitedly.
“Hey! What are you doing!” I widen my eyes.
“Exercise my right! With that, James kisses me.
Now, we are as happy as before.
No, we are happier, because we have Ella.
“I’m dad.” James squats in front of Ella and introduces himself, saying, “Although we have just known each other, dear Miss Ella, you are really my baby.”
Ella looks at me with her hands behind her back. Then she looks at James and thinks for a while. “Really? But what is the good of being your daughter?”
“Just be my daughter. You don’t have to worry about other things.” James takes Ella’s hand and says, “You are my daughter. I will give you the best in the world. I will make you happy forever.”
“Is there anything cooler than having my own playground?” Ella shakes James’s hand happily. “Will I?”
“You can have anything you want.” James says.
Ella exclaims, “Dad, you are so handsome!”
James grins with delight.
“Don’t spoil her.”
I stare at James.
James raises his eyebrow. “What are you afraid of? I will be here in the future, and I will be your pillar. You will have nothing to fear, for I am here.”
When I hear it, I still will be moved, and also want to cry. The warmest words in the world are ‘I’m here’.
The news of the President of the European-style Group proposing to Carl Nida becomes a hot search that night.
Along with the hot search about me these days, I become a household name.
“Why, actually I don’t want many people to know about it.” I mumble, feeling a little shy and a little happy.
James smiles and says, “To avenge for you. Only in this way could Salome lose completely. Don’t you think I’m very clever?”
“But I always think it’s not very good. It’s too high-profile.” I lie in his arms and peep at him.
My man is so handsome!
James bows his head to kiss me and says, “I want the world to know that you are my woman and that you are going to be my wife!”
His joy is palpable.
The messages I received are almost congratulations.
“Only I know who you are and what you have been through. No one can gossip about you. If I find out anyone slander you, I would definitely not let them go!” says James aggressively.
Salome calls me.
She just says, “You win!”
The words are tinged with envy and despair.
Just when she threw mud at me, I got what she wants to get most. That is, to marry James. She must flare up now.
“But don’t be too proud! James likes you today, but he must like someone else tomorrow! You’ll only get jilted then!” Salome curses.
I smile and say, “I don’t know if he will abandon me, but what I do know is that he certainly won’t fall in love with you, don’t you think so?”
“Carl Nida, you are so annoying! I hate you!” Salome roars angrily, and then hangs up the phone.
“I said I only love you.” says James, looking at me fondly.
I purse my lip, and believe him for the moment.
I have not gone to the studio these days. If I go there, I would certainly hear all kinds of gossip or flattery. And James and I are in preparation for the wedding.
I’m fine, but James is really worried.
“What do you think of the designer’s work? How about we looking for him?” James shows me the work of a famous Italian costume designer.
“Or this?” James gives me another one.
“Do you prefer a Chinese wedding or a Western wedding? Going to the beach? The yacht? The church? Or elsewhere?” James looks at me nervously.
I roll my eyes at him. “Can you just calm down?”
“Why should I calm down? I’m getting married!” James looks at me strangely.
I roll my eyes at him again, feeling speechless by his behaviors.
James is making plans with gusto.
I look at him, lost in thought.
“Let’s get married! Now!” I blurt out.
James looks at me in surprise. “You…”
“Don’t you want to? Let’s go to the Civil Affairs Bureau now. It’s simple, isn’t it? Then we will travel.” I frantically run to find my household register.
I take out my household register and feel unprecedentedly relaxed.
Maybe it’s time to enjoy my love.
James stands behind me, takes my hand and says, “Come on, go to the Civil Affairs Bureau. Now.”
He takes his household register out of the bag he is carrying and shakes it. “I’ve had this with me since the day you promised to marry me, and I’m waiting for the day you go to the Civil Affairs Bureau with me.”
He looks embarrassed. “I am afraid you think I am too hasty.”
Well, I don’t want to tease him now. He is anxious enough.
In the afternoon, I run to the Civil Affairs Bureau with him frantically.
There are a lot of couples queuing up for getting married, so I take his hand quietly and wait for it, without saying anything.
But I feel James’s hand is shaking, and his palm is sweaty.
He is nervous.
When it is our turn, James jumps up, takes me, and says, “Let’s go.”
We go in, and say nothing.
The clerk looks at us strangely. “Are you really getting married?”
James says sullenly, “Of course.”
“Without pressure?” The staff looks at me.
“Sure.” I say.
Then we take the picture, and he and I look cold.
But the moment the photographer takes the photo, James smiles uncontrollably.
James’s bright smile is documented on the certificate forever, but I look dull.
“I am too nervous to realize that I am getting a marriage certificate.” James laughs.
When the forms are filled up and sealed, two red certificates are ready.
James let out a breath and says, “Mrs. Orlando takes care of me all my life.”
“Yes, Mr. Orlando.” I look at him with a smile.
And he, right now, looks at me with a bright smile. We are happy at this moment.
(End)