I look at him in confusion, feeling distraught.
James, why do you always challenge my resolution over and over again?
His wound is finally handled, and his face is covered with gauze, which makes my eyes sore.
This is all my fault.
“Carolina, come here.” James waves softly at me.
I slowly walk past, uneasy in the heart, and not knowing how to face him.
I sit down beside him and look at him sadly.
“I hope ‘it won’t leave a scar here,” James sighs, hiding his regret as he strokes the gauze on my neck. “Because you have a long, beautiful neck.”
“James! What about you?” I push his hand away and look at him reproachfully. “You want me to feel sorry for you, so do you want to remind me with this scar every moment? I tell you, I won’t!”
I try to pretend to hate him, but I couldn’t.
James’s eyes are deep, like the abyss sucking me in. “I know you don’t want to be with me anymore, but I can’t let go of you.” he says, “Carolina, what should I do?”
“I don’t know.” I am confused and bewitched by his sadness.
James crooks his mouth and laughs at himself. “Maybe I am so obsessed with you because I can’t get you and because there are so many obstacles. Maybe I will get tired of you after you are with me for a long time. Maybe.”
“Really?” Is James really going to get tired of me one day? I look into his eyes and feel upset.
James, whose hand stained with his own blood, strokes my face and says, “Yes, I am fickle in affection. I have never cared so much for anyone. You are the first one. I just don’t want to admit that I lost so miserably, because I never really got you. Isn’t it?”
I shake my head. I don’t know.
James, did you really never love me? Is it just possessiveness?
“After you have been with me for a long time, I will abandon you without hesitation, like many women I had. I am obsessed with you because you are new to me and I cannot get you all the time. What if you make a deal with me? When I get bored, I will let you and Ella go, OK?” James’s eyes are so deep. I see myself flurried in the pupil of his eye.
I don’t know what the result of this proposal would be, but I nod.
“Fine. I promise you.” I say.
James gives me a gentle smile.
But if that moment comes, what would I feel?
Will it hurt? Or sad? When I hear James’s feelings for me, I feel so lost.
I always thought I am unique in James’ heart, but I am not.
“I will slowly lose interest in you.” James hugs me and says softly.
“Salome is my fiancée and I might fall in love with her.” James says again.
I close my eyes and say, “I see.”
I have to be ready for this every moment. He will tire of me, he will loathe me, and he will let me go.
I can’t fall in love with him anymore, or I’ll be miserable when that day comes.
James holds me in his arms as he lies on the bed and kisses me on the corner of the mouth. He gently caresses my wound and kisses me on the face.
His horrible wound is hidden under the gauze. I could not imagine what it looks like, but it stings my eyes as it was bleeding.
“Come on, give me a bath.” James says.
He gets out of bed, takes off his clothes and goes into the bathroom.
“Why me? I am caught off guard by his action and is stunned.
“Do you want a patient to do it himself? Maybe I’ll get it wet.” says James confidently.
By this time, he has taken off his clothes and only his underwear is left, and his stocky shape is displayed in front of me.
I am too shy to look at him, and look away. “I… I help you to take a bath as I’m afraid your wound would get infected.”
James laughs, “Of course, why else? My body shape?”
My face turns red and I look at James and say nothing.
“Come on, I won’t tease you.” James pulls me in.
There is vapor in the bathroom.
James takes off his underwear.
I blush and look away, not daring to see it.
“Why are you still so shy after all we have many sexes?” James scoffs.
He takes my hand, and drags me into his arms.
“Hey! What are you doing!” I do not know what to do, and look at him flurriedly.
His eyes are luring and hot.
The heat in the bathroom is steaming, making me hot.
“I want to remind you that you’re going to start your work.” says James, holding my hand and walking slowly up his body.
His hard and tough muscular makes me shudder.
“James, no, I’ll do it myself.” I stammer, pulling myself away from him.
James looks down at me and says, “OK.”
He stands in front of me, shrugs his shoulders and says, “Come on.”
I dare not to look at his body. I don’t know where to put my eyes on, and I can only take some shower gel on his body.
James closes his eyes, enjoying himself.
I really want to rush out.
“It’s comfortable.” James snorts.
“James!” I am angry.
James opens his eyes suddenly. “What’s the matter?”
“Are you fooling me?” I say angrily.
James smiles, “So what?”
“Then take the bath yourself.” I shake my hand and try to turn away.
“Don’t be angry.” James pulls me back, and goes up to me.
He presses closer and closer, smiling at me.
I have no way out and am cornered.
Then he hugs me.
Suddenly my clothes and my body become wet.
He seems to be giving off heat, steaming me and making me lose my mind.
“Carolina, take your clothes off. Your clothes are wet.” James orders.
I am incredibly obedient and take off my clothes.
He smiles with satisfaction.
“You are beautiful.” He whispers.
I put my arm around his neck and say, “You are so wicked.”
He smiles as he enters my body.
It ends up like this today. Nobody could have imagined that I would put a knife to my neck and threatened him during the day, and at night, as if everything has been settled, I would have a good time with him.
The next day James asks someone to bring Ella to me.
“Mother!” Ella runs into my arms laughing.
I hug her, very excited and glad.
“Where have you been these days? Are they kind to you? Is there anything wrong with it?” I examine her carefully.
Ella grins and says, “No! They are all very kind to me! I’ve been to see the sea!”
I am relieved and look at Ella with tears in my eyes. “Mom will never leave Ella again, OK?”
Ella nods. “Well, you don’t know how much I miss you, but they say we couldn’t come back to see you until we are over. They say you have something important to do. Mom, have you dealt with your things?”
“Yes.” I dry my tears.
Ella looks at me puzzledly. “Now that it’s all settled, why are you crying?”
“Maybe I miss Ella.” I say.
My eyes drift far away, toward James, who has been standing in the distance.
James’s eyes are indifferent, and he gets on the car.
My eyes and consciousness seem to leave with him, and I cannot calm down for a long time.
He never plans to take Ella away and wouldn’t let me see Ella.
I feel like I am free again. No one is locking me up, and I am free to see anyone and do anything.
“Carl! I finally get in touch with you. Don’t you know that even Deep Love is about to start filming? You may have to follow the crew.” The editor contacts me.
It dawns on me that time flies by.
I hurry to the group and get enrolled.
“Do you think you are big shot? Even the director invites you, you still don’t show up. Isn’t you just a novelist?” When Avril sees me, she rolls her eyes at me.
I hurriedly apologize, “I am sorry. I had something important to do, and I only know about it recently.”
Director Gray is very kind and smiles, “It’s OK.”
“I hope someone will know who they are and don’t think she can do anything as she wants.” Avril mutters again.
I smile indifferently, saying nothing.
I did not expect that I could come to the shooting scene. I am very satisfied that I could communicate with the director and the screenwriter to achieve the best emotional expression.
“It’s a little boring, right?” Sasha comes over, giving me a cup of coffee and says, “This is my fan, although I don’t know what she is going to do.”
I chuckle and take it. “That’s their love for you.”
Barry is a rising star, but he has many fans in these years.
“Barry! Here you are!” Avril comes over with a smile, but when she sees me, her face changes suddenly, “Why are you here?”
“Sorry.” I get up immediately.
Avril hates me at first sight, although I don’t know when I offended her. I still avoid her, lest to cause any trouble.
“Oh, come on, stay. It looks like I am mean.” Avril glares at me.
“I have to go, too.” Barry also stands up.
Avril is anxious. She stretches out her hand to stop him, “Hey!”
Maybe she moves too much, or maybe she did it on purpose. She hit the coffee in my hand and it spreads all over my body.
“I’m sorry.” Avril smiles, apologizing.
Frowning, I say nothing and go to the bathroom.
But then there is a rumor on the Internet that the actor and the writer of the novel are at odds with each other, and the uproar is so huge that it put me in the hot seat.
Is someone taking advantage of me?
I frown.