James shows me his weakness, his tears, and his helplessness.
But the problem between us is not so simple to solve.
I can only be cruel, and pretend to see nothing.
“James, I can’t pretend that nothing has happened. If my mom and dad can survive, maybe there is future between us.” I say cruelly.
James looks up, his eyes fierce and cold. “Let’s wait and see.”
He gets up angrily and closes the door with a bang.
I look at his back, feeling painful in my heart.
I am completely imprisoned by James. I couldn’t go out, do anything, or even see Ella.
Without any freedom, I look out of the window at the sunset and sunrise, and my heart is in a panic.
I do not know what is in store for me, and I can only passively accept everything.
James doesn’t come to see me again. I call him, text him. I did everything I could, but James just wouldn’t show up.
“James! Get out! You can’t just keep me imprisoned! Let me go!” I sent a text to James, but he never replies.
He is deliberately avoiding me, emotionally abusing me.
I can’t settle down. I must settle the matter now!
My room is on the second floor, and I lean out of the window, but the people downstairs come and notice me.
They are staring at me all the time.
I don’t have any way of getting out of here.
“James! Are you crazy! Are you going to leave me in the room all my life?” I yell at the phone.
My message to Morley also receives no response. I wonder if James intercepts the message. He has the ability.
Without help, I can’t contact anyone. Would I await my doom?
No! I want to see Ella. I want to get out of here.
There is only one way.
There is a fruit knife on the table.
“Bang!” I kick open the door and put the knife to my neck.
“Miss Carl, what do you want?” The bodyguard looks at me nervously.
The knife is pointed at my aorta, and as long as I cut it, I would soon be bleeding!
I hold up my neck and say, “Send James to me! Right now! If he doesn’t come to me, I’ll die here! Let him come here!”
The person in front of me is taken aback and picks out the phone.
I stare at them with a sneer. I don’t know what they would say to James, but I bet James wouldn’t want me to die or get hurt.
“James, if you don’t come to see me, you will only see my dead body! I give you half an hour! Did you hear me?” I shout.
The bodyguard gives me the phone and says, “Miss Carl, would you like to answer the phone?”
He stands a few meters away from me. I look at him warily and say, “Don’t come over here. On speakerphone!” The knife gets closer to the artery.
“OK! Fine! Don’t be impulsive!” He leaves the phone on speakerphone.
“Carolina what are you going to do?” James’s cold voice reaches my eardrums.
His voice is so cold, as if he doesn’t care about my life.
That’s good. The more you hate me, the bigger the chance I can be free.
“James, what do you want?” I ask back.
I am aware of the people around me, slowly leaning back against the wall. The hand holding the knife is already sweaty.
“Are you threatening me? If I don’t come to you, you will kill yourself? Or is this the way to force me to set you free?” James laughs at me. “You think highly of yourself,” he says.
His words make me embarrassed, as if I am sure that I can threaten him, but if I don’t try it, how would I know?
“James, you hate me. I hate you, too. Does it work out if we go on like this? Come and see me, and we’ll talk. It would be better for both of us.” I force myself to calm down.
“Carolina, you misunderstood it. I’m keeping you here just to watch you freak out. You should feel the same way about how hard you’ve made me feel.”
Suddenly, my heart seems to have no consciousness. I don’t feel the pain; I do not feel the sadness. My heart has been numb.
I look up and see the camera in front of me, and if I guess it correctly, James is looking at me through the camera.
I stop talking, just slowly pressing harder on my hand.
There is a sharp pain in my neck and at the same time I smell blood.
It is already bleeding.
“Miss Carl! Stop it! Let go of the knife!” The security guard shouts at my ears.
The next moment I hear James’s panicked voice, “Carolina, what are you doing? What are you doing! Let go of the knife!!”
I play my trump card. I withstand the pain and say, “James, I want to see you. Did you hear me? If you don’t show up, I will die in front of you. You must be looking at me now, right? No matter how high definition the camera is, you will see the blood pouring out of my neck. Do you want to see it? I can satisfy you.”
I smile, with the most beautiful smile in my life to say goodbye to myself.
My hands are shaking, my body is shaking, and I use the last bit of my dignity to force James.
“Carolina, stop! Did you hear me!” He helplessly and painfully says, “I will arrive at once, did you hear!”
I wear a triumphant smile.
James comes here soon. Blood is running down my neck in deep red streaks.
James’s eyes darken and he looks nervously at my wound and the knife I still hold around my neck.
“Carolina you’re forcing me.” James closes his eyes in despair.
“Yes, I’m forcing you, James. You can’t do this to me. You can’t let Ella leave me. I want to see her! I can’t be separated from Ella. Do you know how cruel you are to separate a mother from her own child? Do you know what I went through to give birth to her? James! You don’t know! I have been alone for so many years. Ella is all I have. You are so cruel!”
I am begging him, forcing him.
James is shaking, his light is shaking, and he can’t bear to see me like this.
That’s good. I know James’s weakness.
“Why can’t you compromise? You should have been with Ella.” James says.
I smile at him sarcastically. “You and I are enemies! How can I stay with you?”
This matter seems to go around and round and there is never a solution.
James doesn’t explain, because he has nothing to explain, and he looks at me with pain in his eyes.
“I won’t let go, even if you force me, I won’t let go. I’m going to keep you by my side all my life. Only in this way can I feel like a human being.” James smiles bitterly.
He looks at me stubbornly, which makes me feel horrible. He would not let go.
OK, I see.
I also stare at him with any compromise. At the same time, I press harder the knife.
“I will die in front of you right now!” I say firmly.
Something flashes before my eyes. I couldn’t see clearly. The next second, I feel my arm is gripped by someone.
“Let go of me! Let go of me!” I struggle.
It is messy. I don’t know if there is a mistake. The knife seems to have hit something.
When I come back to my sense, I see blood.
I cut James in his face. There is blood pouring out. Half his face and neck are red.
“James!” My hands go soft.
The next second, James takes the knife from me.
He looks at me calmly and says, “Don’t play with the knife again. It’s dangerous.”
I stare at him, looking at the blood on his face.
“Your face.” My mind is confused and I point to the blood on his face.
James says, “It doesn’t matter.”
But the cut on his face is deep and bleeds so much that I don’t know what to do.
There may be a scar.
“As long as you are fine.” James breathes a sigh of relief and hugs me in his arms.
He holds me tightly, afraid I would disappear.
I am in such a mess that I don’t know what to do.
James doesn’t go to the hospital. He calls the family doctor to take care of it.
James points at me and says, “Help her with the wound first.”
“Jesus, that’s tough enough. Is she going to disfigure you?” The doctor gives James a look.
He walks to my side, looks at me and says, “Yours is a small injury. It just hurts the epidermis. Get some disinfection and it will be fine.”
I look at James anxiously and ask, “Will James really get a scar?”
The doctor says, “Of course, I don’t know what happened between you. Is it necessary to use knives? It’s too dangerous. If you were to go down a bit and cut straight into the main artery in the neck, James would be dead by now.”
I look at him with guilt. Why did I bring him down?
I really don’t want to involve James.
Blood has run down his clothes, and half his face looks terrible.
The doctor is disinfecting me, and the cold alcohol makes me shiver.
James looks at me nervously. “Take it lightly.” He glares at the doctor.
The doctor sighs helplessly. “It blames you two.”
I don’t know what to say. Apologize? But I couldn’t. All I have to do is force James to set me free and let me see Ella.
After handling with my wound, the doctor goes to clean James’s wound, I am horrified to see the bloody cotton put onto the plate.
James’s eyes follow mine, and I look down to avoid his eyes.
“Will you be calm? Ah, you really don’t cherish your own life!” mutters the doctor.
The doctor’s words make me guiltier.
“Actually, I did it on purpose.” James smile.
His sudden smile catches everyone off guard.
“I just want to see you feel guilty, so the scar on my face would remind you all the time to make you feel guilty for me.” James says with a triumph smile.
Such a maniac.