“What if Neil and I can’t leave each other? What would you do?” I say.
If Neil and I cannot leave, I should die.
James looks at me with unwavering determination, “It won’t be possible.”
“Okay, I know,” I say.
I take a step back and leave James’s arms.
I glance back at James with nostalgia, then leave.
James has been standing on the balcony to see me.
I can feel his gaze, he has followed me all the time. It is a familiar feeling, but James you make me feel that I have no self-esteem.
James orders a car to wait for me at the gate.
In the night, I leave slowly, tears sliding down my cheeks.
Why do you like many people force me like that? I really have no solution.
First my mom, then James. But they all love me, as if they put me in chains, making me forgive myself.
The room lights are still on when I return to Neil.
His previous movements have not changed, the room is still messy, and all the things he smashes have become fragments.
Hearing the sound of the door, Neil looks up at me and says, “You are back? Seeing James? I don’t lie.”
“Yes,” I say.
Neil suddenly smiles, “Just like me, in fact, we are all the same. We want to get you, so we have tried all kinds of methods.”
I look back at him angrily, “Shut up!”
“You are annoyed?” Neil raises his scarlet eyes, “You think your love is perfect. In fact, it is full of lies. James is pressing you at your father’s expense. Actually we are all the same.”
His words seem to irritate me. No, to be exact, it hurt my pain.
“Yes, we are all the same person, but you are disgusting! If it were not for you, my life will not be like this! I will live a pure life, you forced me to find a man, you let me be the kind of person I hate the most! If it were not you who force me, why would I marry you! You are the culprit! ”
Neil says, “But without me, your dad would have gone in jail. How could you wait until now? You can blame only your family, they abandoned you and traded your dad’s freedom in exchange for you. How can I be blamed?”
I am speechless, my fists trembling.
“Divorce,” I say.
Neil smiles sarcastically, “Do you think I will agree?”
“Can’t you let me go?” I don’t understand him very well. I hate him. He knows that he can’t do anything but drunkenly beat me, but why can’t he let go of me?
“Don’t you want your factory? Will James let you go? Our divorce is good for you! I will pay back how much I owe you, as long as you agree to divorce!” I say.
Neil is paralyzed on the sofa and begins to be sleepy. He stares at me, “I say no divorce. I don’t want to see you sweet you are! You will get retribution!”
“As long as you agree to divorce, there will be no crisis, even if I beg you! Can you?” I pray to him again.
“If I say that the condition for divorce is to kill the child in your stomach, would you?” Neil smiles very evilly and even looks at me happily.
I cover my belly and watch him alertly, “What do you want to do?”
His eyes are like beasts in the dark.
“I just want to see if you can give up your child for your father, he is James’. If James knows that he will lose his child, will he regret it? If you want to divorce me, go and kill your child, otherwise no talking.” Neil is excited and stands up from the sofa excitedly,” James forces me, I also want him to know what is the pain is!”
“This is my child, don’t even think about it!”
The child is my life, I will not let anyone hurt him!
“Stop being nervous, I won’t do anything to you. I think you still have to think about this matter. After all, you are related to the life and death of your father. Which is more important? Your father or your child? Think about it.”
Neil looks at me with pride. He comes up with a way to torture me and James. He is very happy about this.
“I will sue you if you do not divorce! There is a chance of your domestic violence before, the court will let us divorce!” I say.
“Yeah, but do you know how long this can be delayed? Enough to let your father die in prison.” Neil laughs, really happy.
He smiles and turns into the room, no longer talking to me.
I am the only one in the living room, and I couldn’t stand it anymore and collapse on the ground.
My child, I can’t lose him, but neither can my father.
“What should I do? What should I do?” I couldn’t help it anymore, and I cry biting my lips.
James, why do you force me? Why? That’s the thing I’m most afraid of, but you insert a knife into my heart like them.
I curl up on the ground and shed tears silently until dawn when a faint light shined through the gap of the curtain.
Opening my tearful eyes, I feel how dazzling the light in front of me makes me see nothing.
The phone buzzes.
When I answer the phone, my mother’s voice is fierce, “Carolina, what did Neil say? Wen did he give us the money? Your father can’t wait any longer. I go to see him, and everyone else is suffering.”
Mother is crying, crying tears.
I say helplessly, “Neil won’t pay anymore, and I have no choice, no more!”
“What about your father. We can’t be without your father at home. Carolina, you can think of another way! Just for the sake of your mother who raises you up.”
The room is still very dim, and I lost all hopes.
“Mom, if you want me to kill the child in my stomach to save my dad, will you let me kill it?” I ask with a sob.
My mother’s voice cheers up at once, “Yes, isn’t the child from the family? You go to the family to ask for money, and you are pregnant with their child! Oh, James, you ask James for money. Why don’t you think about it? ”
Such words not only shock me but also chill my heart.
I’m already a cheap person who can be bought and sold with money. My child, I can’t let him be such a person too, because there is too little dignity.
“Don’t you see that all these problems have been solved? The child in your stomach is from James! Carolina, let’s try it. As long as you can save your father, let’s try whatever we can.” Mom still says excitedly.
I immediately hand up the phone, and I don’t want to hear such remarks from my loved ones.
But my mother’s call comes back quickly, “I know I’m wrong, but there is really no way in our family. If killing the child is the only solution, then. Will you…?”
“Mom! Don’t you see how embarrassed I am? Can you just let me keep this child?”.
“Are we all tools that you can exchange money for?”
“I am sorry.” Mom no longer says anything but hangs up the phone.
Why is my life so worthless?
I stand up faintly from the ground, and my energy is overdrawn.
At this time, I really want to see my father. I don’t know how is he now. I shuffle to the door.
I’m so dizzy that I can’t stand it.
Suddenly I fall to the ground.
“Hey! This lady, what’s wrong with you? Hello?”
There is a blur in front of my eyes, and my consciousness begins to fade as if I couldn’t see anything clearly.
In my last consciousness, the last person I see is Neil.
He looks at me with a greasy smile, and then I completely fainted away.
I wake up with pain, pains in my stomach. I slowly open my eyes, and there is a dazzling shadow light on top of my head.
“It hurts… it hurts…”
I moan involuntarily.
“Don’t move around! Do you want to die?”
Someone immediately reprimanded me.
I don’t know where I am. I open my eyes and I realize that I am in the operating room.
The machine is buzzing.
My hands and feet are tied.
“What are you doing? Let me go!”
There seems to be something stirring in my lower abdomen, and the huge pain suddenly wakes me up.
Surrounded by doctors and nurses in white coats.
“Your child is gone.”
“No. No!”
I struggle desperately and yell.
Why! I just fainted, why do I appear on the operating table when I wake up? At the same time, my child is gone!