“Fuck,” I sigh as I grab my shoes. We run out into the corridor and toward the lift where Ben is waiting.
“My god, I’m getting worried,” I whisper as we drive down the one-way street. Cameron, Ben and I have been driving around for two hours looking for Joshua. Our eyes all scan the pavement. He’s not answering his phone.
“Where are you, fucker?” Cameron snaps. “I can’t handle this shit. I can’t handle not knowing where the fuck anyone is!” Cameron yells.
Ben pulls his hands through his hair in frustration. “Why would he go out in the middle of the night by himself?”
I drop my head. We all know the answer. “He’s looking for her?” I whisper.
As we go past each streetlight my eyes search the lit-up space. “Where could he be?” I whisper through my worry. “What if they have him too?”
Ben narrows his eyes as he stares at the road. “I don’t know how he got past security?” he murmurs.
“Oh, what you mean is for the second time. Your security team is fucking shit. Natasha would still be here if they did their job correctly,” Cameron snaps. “I have never seen such incompetence in my life.”
Ben shakes his head in annoyance. “Yeah, well nobody went in so he has snuck out, but definitely nobody went in.”
“Same fucking shit,” Cam snaps. “If you can get out you can get in. Tell me the difference.”
I frown into the darkness as I keep my eyes peeled on the pavement. “Where are you Joshua?” I whisper as we turn the corner to the bay where Natasha was taken from and Ben pulls the car into a carpark facing the water below. It’s dawn and the sun is just starting to put a dim light on everything in its path. The rain is still falling softly onto the windscreen, and then I see it. A lone figure standing down on the rocks on the water’s edge in the darkness and rain.
“There he is,” I whisper.
We all sit still and watch him. His head is down and he stands on the rocks on the shoreline. “He’s looking for her,” Cameron whispers. “I don’t know what to say to him. How do I help him?” he murmurs.
Ben rests his elbows on the steering wheel as he watches his friend troll the rocks below. “This is all my fault,” he whispers through tears.
Cameron stays silent as he watches his traumatised brother.
I shake my head as my tears break the dam. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, bad things aren’t supposed to happen to good people,” I ground out. “Tash, come back… please come back.” Cameron and Ben both drop their heads in the front seat. We have no idea what to do… what to say to him. No words can make anyone feel better and, because we feel so powerless to help him, the three of us sit in the car as we watch Joshua slowly walk around the water’s edge for an extended time.
“Let’s go,” Ben whispers as he gets out of the car.
We all get out of the car and slowly make our way to the water’s edge through the wind and the rain. Joshua’s eyes stay focused on the boat still moored out to sea, the crime scene. Cameron slowly puts his arm around his broken brother and the four of us all stare out to the boat in silence.
“I can’t find her,” Joshua grinds out through the rain hitting his face.
I drop my head.
“What if she is hurt?” He screws up his face in pain. “Her nightmare, this is what she feared would happen and I promised her it wouldn’t,” he sobs.
We all stay silent, unsure what to say.
Joshua shakes his head. “This is my fault. I should have protected her. It was my job to keep her safe.” He screws up his face as his tears fall with the rain. “I should have protected her. It was my job!” he cries out into the rain. “Natasha!” he calls out. “Where are you, baby?”
I drop my head, unable to swallow though my tears. This is too much. Cameron pulls his brother into an embrace and Joshua howls onto his shoulder. Ben slumps to sit on the wet sand with his head in his hands and I fall to the sand beside him.
What’s going on in this world? I have lost all faith. Never have I felt so lost and disillusioned in my life.
Her dark eyes smile up at me from our bed.
“Put them on,” she urges.
I shake my head in disgust at the flannelette pyjamas she has laid out on the bed for me.
“I’m not wearing those,” I mutter. “Forget it.”
She smiles. “Then we can be snuggly.”
My eyes meet hers. “The only thing I’m wearing in my bed tonight is you.” I sit on the side of the bed next to her and slide my hand up under her pyjama top, and my hand cups her breast. Leaning up on her elbow she kisses me gently. “I can’t wait to marry you, Joshua,” she whispers into my lips as she runs her hand through my stubble.
“So you can turn me into a geriatric in pyjamas?” I smirk as I lie her down under me and drop my lips to her neck.
“That’s the only reason,” she whispers as she kisses me again.
“Tough shit,” I whisper. “You can’t make me wear those fuckers.”
She laughs out loud. “Give me time, big boy. We’ll see.”
Joshua
I come back to the present-my mind is constantly jumping between memories and stupid conversations that we had. I can remember every damn detail about us but not the most important thing. What happened last Saturday night-that’s what I need to remember. I’m trolling deep through my mind for a clue but all I keep coming up with is more memories of my beautiful girl. I look at the wall and see the clock turn over another hour and my heart sinks again. Time… how do you stop it… or better still turn it back? With every hour that passes I know the chance drops further of us finding her. It’s been six days since Natasha was taken. Police are streaming in and out of our hotel room, photographers and journalists are camped outside. We have the whole top floor of the hotel to ourselves. My parents and Natasha’s mother are all here. I am surrounded by people who love me and yet I am entirely and utterly alone. I have no way out of this. Natasha is gone.
I can’t eat, speak… function. The only thing on my mind is my beautiful fiancée and how deeply I let her down. Bridget walks into my room with a protein shake.
“Josh, you need to eat.” She passes me the shake. “Or drink.”
“Thanks,” I murmur as I take it.
“Did you sleep last night?” she whispers.
I nod as I look at the floor. I can’t lie to Bridget. I have hardly slept in six days.
“Are you still throwing up?” she whispers.
I shake my head while still looking down.
“That means yes,” she whispers as she runs her hand down my arm.
“Josh, Natasha would want me to look after you. Tell me how to help you,” Bridget murmurs.
I smile sadly and walk over to the window to look out to sea, and she walks over and embraces me from behind. “Josh, please don’t fall apart. We need you to be strong.”
I drop my head. “I’m trying,” I whisper.
“Try harder,” she murmurs.
I turn and take her in my arms. “Are you ok?” I whisper into her hair.
She nods into my chest. “I’m so sad,” she whispers in a muffled voice. “How do we do this?”
Cameron walks to the door. “The police want to have a meeting with the family,” he says in a monotone. I pull from Bridget’s embrace and my eyes meet his.
“Why? Have they found something?” I ask.
“I’m not sure,” he replies.