Alicia POV
My legs wobble as I climb the staircase, tears streaming down my cheeks. My fear has finally come true. My nightmare of losing Alex has finally come to pass, and all this still feels like a dream. All these years, I have been trying so hard to keep up with Max, for his sake, I have been doing everything for his happiness, but I couldn’t also help the fear that always filled me, and I was right all along.
Finally pushing the door to my room open, I drag my feet inside and slam it close behind me. I run my fingers through my hair as I crash against the wall. My heart feels like it’s being ripped off my chest. How the hell did I make the mistake of getting pregnant for Max? I have always taken my pills, so how the hell did I make this mistake?
Scurrying over to the bed, I raise it and reach out for the pack of pills I kept neatly there. I check the packet thoroughly to be sure that it hasn’t expired before I took it, and I am certain that it hasn’t. What the hell happened then?
Slumping to the floor after I keep the pill back there where I’m sure Max would never see it, I hug my knees to myself and bury my face between them as more tears stream down my cheeks. I never wanted any of this to happen, all I ever wanted was to be with Alex and build a family with him, but I was too busy trying to please him, that I ended up hurting him too.
“Are you ok?” I have no idea when Max walked inside, but his voice makes me raise my gaze, and there he is, standing with a worried expression on his face. I have known all along that he already developed feelings for Ariel, which was never my problem, because I never for once love him, I never even wanted to be with him, but I had to do it.
My stomach grumbles in pain and disgust as I stare at him. All I feel toward this man is hatred, disgust, and the urge to stab him multiple times until he breaths his last. That is how I have always felt toward him. Do you know what I had to endure to be with the man I hated most in my life?
“What happened to you, babe?” He drops his bag on the floor and hurries over to me, hugging me tightly like I would vanish if he lets go of me.
“Let me go, you bastard!” I push him away angrily, glaring hard at him. The sight of him disgusts me so much, I just want him to leave me the hell alone. I just want to be left alone.
“Babe…”
“Don’t you dare call me that, you jerk!” I shouldn’t be like this, knowing that I still have to continue to act so Alex can get what he wants, but I can help it. I’m disgusted by him, and I can’t deny that fact.
“You… You smell of her… You have been with her all day, haven’t you?” I stutter as I manage to stand up to my feet. It feels horrible that I have to pretend to be angry he was with Ariel, but the truth is I never give a damn if he even fucks her. Pretending to be jealous hurts more than anything else, because what the fuck!
“Babe…”
“What? You want to tell me you didn’t see her? You have been with her all day… What the hell did she do to you? What the hell did she give you that makes you choose her over me all the time? What is she doing that I’m not doing right? Why don’t you just tell me?” I yell at him as more tears stream down my cheeks. Those are not the words I want to say to him, but they are the ones I can utter. I just want to tell him how much I hate him from the onset, I wanted to tell him how much he disgusts me, but I can’t say the truth yet.
“I… I’m sorry,” He bites his bottom lip and throws his gaze away. Not that I care, anyway.
“Fuck you, Max! I thought it was about the baby, and now I’m pregnant for you. What else do you still want?” How much it hurts to utter those words, just the imagination of carrying his baby makes me feel like committing suicide. You can imagine the pain I always go through allowing someone I have nothing for, to have sex with me? With every touch of his, I always felt like killing him over and over again.
“I can explain, babe…” He tries to come close to me, but I step away from him, shaking my head.
“Don’t you dare come close to me,” I say to him sternly before I dash into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, and locking it afterward.
“Baby, can you open the door, please? Just stop doing this, you are going to hurt the baby if you keep doing that,” He bangs on the door, and I clench my fists angrily. I wish he can just stop talking about the baby, I wish he knows the pain that accompanies that annoying word.
“Just go away, Max. I don’t want to see you. Go to her!” I yell at the top of my voice.
“Alicia…”
“Do you care about the baby and me? If you care about us, you wouldn’t think of cheating on me with her. I hate you so much, Max! I hate you!” My last words are the only honest feelings I have. I want to keep yelling to him, how much I hate him and want him dead.
“I’m sorry, Alicia. I know I have hurt you with my actions… I didn’t mean to hurt you, ok? I want to be the best husband to you…”
“And I just want you to go to hell and rot in the pit of hell!” I scream at him as I grab the flower vase from the bathtub and crash it against the wall. I just feel so angry right now that I might commit murder if I go out to meet him. He has taken away everything from me, he has made Alex hate me now, so what the hell does he still want from me?
“I will leave you to be alone. Let me know when you want to talk to me,” His voice sounds from outside, followed by his receding footsteps. I conclude that he must’ve left the room when I hear the door open and close back.
Releasing a deep breath, I drag my feet sluggishly to stand in front of the mirror. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I raise my trembling hand to my stomach, and slowly clench my fingers on it as a drop of fresh tears slid down my cheek. I know hating the baby isn’t fair, considering that he’s innocent, but still, I can’t help it. Should I just get rid of the child?