“Because you have been miserable since you decided to move here and I want you to be happy.”
He narrows his eyes and turns back to the television and scratches his head in frustration.
“We will move to LA on one condition.” His eyes bore into mine.
“What’s the condition?” I frown.
“I want you to sleep with someone else.”
I sit up in a rush. “What the hell are you talking about?” I snap.
“I want you to sleep with someone else.”
I screw up my face. “Have you gone mad?”
“I know you want to.”
I shake my head in disgust. “No I don’t, that’s ridiculous.”
“I read it in your diary.”
My mouth drops open in shock. Dear god, what have I written? “Those diaries are private, Joshua.”
“But in black and white, nonetheless.” His eyes dare me to deny it.
“I don’t want to sleep with someone else. That’s ridiculous. How could you think such a thing?”
“Why would you write something like that if you didn’t mean it?”
I shake my head in disgust and get up in a rush. “I was venting. I don’t even remember writing that. You don’t take it literally.” I’m outraged, how dare he use this against me.
“I do,” he snaps.
“Oh right, so we are going to break up … is this your pathetic excuse to cause trouble with us again? Haven’t we had enough shit!” I scream as frustration pumps through my veins.
“No, quite the opposite. I am going to leave you for a week and you are going to,” he shakes his head at his inability to say it out loud, “do it.” He closes his eyes as if in pain. “And then we will leave for LA and start our life together. With no regrets.”
“You are an idiot if you think I could possibly sleep with someone else,” I scream. “Do you even know me at all?”
“You are going to!” He screams back. “I haven’t slept since Friday knowing this is how you feel.”
“What!” I shake my head in disbelief as my heart drops. “This is what you have been stressed about,” I whisper gently as empathy for my beautiful man fills me.
He fakes a smile. “Reading that your girlfriend wants another man’s hands on her … inside of her … will do that to a man.” He drops his head in sadness.
My heart drops as I rush and wrap my arms around him. “Baby, I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to. I would never do that to you.”
“I know you wouldn’t and that’s why I’m giving you permission.” He pulls me into an embrace. “It will have no effect on our relationship or my love for you. I know you love me. I’m asking you to do this for me.”
I shake my head into his chest as tears fill my eyes. I feel so guilty for making him feel like this.
“Josh, you are all I could ever want. Stop talking please. I don’t even want to talk about this.”
“Tash, when I leave here in the morning I am not coming back for a week and you have a hall pass to sleep with one man.” He pulls my face up to meet his and he wipes my tears. “Just fucking one.”
“I’m not doing it,” I stammer.
“Natasha, listen to me. I know I could never settle down with you if I had never slept around. Curiosity would have got the better of me in the end. I can’t expect of you what I couldn’t do myself. I have thought hard and long about this and I know it’s the right thing to do.”
“I’m not doing it.”
“Natasha … it’s once, it is between us and nobody will ever know. I appreciate you will be discreet and not tell the girls.”
I step back in shock, he’s serious. “Do you want to sleep with someone else? Is that why you are doing this!” I scream. “Do you want a hall pass?”
He smiles sadly and shakes his head. “Tash, I will not leave my hotel for the week. You have my word. I don’t want anyone else.”
“This isn’t you. You would never allow this!” I scream.
“I don’t want to be the man that you think I am!” He throws his arms up in the air in anger. “Who am I, Natasha?” He screams so loud that he makes me jump.
I frown as confusion grips me.
“The rich, dominant, cage-fighting male who controls his woman!” he yells in frustration. “Is that all I am?”
The tears start to overflow my eyes. “Baby,” I whisper gently as I reach for him. “I love that man. I don’t want you to change, Josh, not ever.”
“I don’t want to be the man who deprives you and controls you,” he whispers as his eyes search mine. “I want to be the man who gives you everything that you want, the man who loves you unconditionally.” His eyes cloud over and I feel the tears start to run freely down my cheeks.
“You do … you are all I could ever want.” I shake my head in frustration. “How could you even think that what we have is insignificant?”
He shakes his head. “You are misunderstanding me, presh.” He tucks my hair behind my ear gently and wipes a tear away from my cheek. “I know you love me,” he says gently. “This is my way of proving to you and myself that I am worthy of your love. That our love is indestructible. That sex is sex and love is love and that you know without a doubt the difference between the two.”
“Josh I know.”
He gives me a small smile. “My mind is made up. I have thought long and hard about this. Tomorrow I leave you for a week, and I will never ask a question about what you do in this week … I don’t want to know.” He hangs his head. “But I will assume that you will do as I ask.” His eyes bore into mine and with renewed purpose he gets up in a rush and goes to the shower to cut the conversation short.