He smiles as he folds his arms behind his head. “Yep, that’s what’s so hot about Tash. She doesn’t try to be sexy at all. She looks sexiest to me when she is wearing flannelette pyjamas, her pink fluffy slippers and her hair in pigtails with her glasses on.”
Cameron pulls a disgusted face and I nod in agreement with him.
“Sounds like a bad Taylor Swift film clip.” I do a fake shiver.
“I never thought I would like that either,” he replies wistfully. “There is a certain level of comfort when you realise it’s not the packaging you want in someone.”
Cameron rolls his eyes. “Oh god, your soppy shit is driving me fucking nuts. Man the fuck up,” he snaps bringing a smile to my face.
“What are you cooking Cameron?” I ask.
“I don’t know, whatever. Who cares?” he says matter-of-factly.
Joshua laughs again as he puts his head back onto the chair. “Sounds delicious.”
I shake my head. This is going to be a long night.
Natasha
It’s Wednesday, another word for hump day and, in my case, shit day, annoying day and fucking depressing day. I am going to my first court case at the jail. Coby Allender is having his first appeal hearing today. I have been witnessing his visits for the last couple of months from the private box. Today, though, I will actually be in the same room as him for the first time. The man completely freaks me out. I am just so intimidated by his intelligence and the fact that his behavior is motivated by evil only adds to the horror of dealing with a suspected serial killer. I think those nightmares I have been having are making me crazy-my imagination is running away with me. We are at the jail’s private courthouse-this is a closed hearing. Henry my boss has gone to check on some details and I am waiting alone in the corridor to go in when Mr Cheeky walks up behind me.
“Hey Doc.” He pokes me in the ribs from behind.
I turn and smile. Oh shit, it’s the guy who told me to think of him when I had sex with Joshua-my face falls.
“Don’t look so pleased to see me.” He smirks. His messy blond hair hangs over his forehead and his dark brown eyes twinkle with mischief. He’s tall and buff with a full sleeve of tatts. He has the whole naughty boy thing going on. Hmm.
I shake my head as I smile. “You’re a dick, you know that.”
He raises his eyebrows at me. “I’ve been called worse.” He smiles. “How’s your tool of a boyfriend?”
“Ex,” I snap. “You’re lucky he didn’t kill you that night by the way.”
He scrunches up his face. “Hmm. Good.” He smiles.
I can’t help but smile at this conceited fool. “Why is that good?”
“Because you are still totally into me, I can tell. And he’s an ex, so.” He shrugs his shoulders.
I roll my eyes. “You’ve been fighting too much. I think you’re punch drunk.”
He smiles broadly. “I thought you were coming back for more witness dates. What happened? Are you chicken shit?”
I frown. “No, am not.” I smile. “I’ve been back and you haven’t been here. Who still says that anyway… chicken shit? I haven’t heard that since first grade.” I shake my head as I readjust my jacket.
He winks. “I do. Chicken shit.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Stop calling me that,” I whisper. This guy’s confidence is starting to piss me off. “I am far from chicken shit,” I snap.
“Prove it.” He smiles. “Give me your number.”
I roll my eyes. “God, give me a break. Is that the best pick-up line you’ve got?”
He laughs. “Pretty much, are you going to fall for it?”
I frown. “No.”
He smiles again. “We’ll see … Persistence pays.”
I smile as I bite my lip. He’s definitely cute, I will give him that. Maybe I should just break out and have wild rebound sex right here, right now. “What’s your name again?” I ask.
He smiles. “Jesten Miller.”
“Do you want to know my name?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Not really, I’ll just call you Hot Doc.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m not a doctor.”
He shrugs again and then smiles as Henry and Richard my work colleague come out of the doorway and we walk into the room together. There are four rows of eight chairs on each side with mahogany large benches at the front of the room. We all take our seats. There are only ten people in the room. Three psychologists, three solicitors and four prison wardens. I am achingly aware I am the only woman present. Jesten is at the right of the room in my peripheral vision and for some reason that is strangely comforting. The judge arrives and we all stand in silence as he enters the room and sits. Coby Allender is led into the room in handcuffs. He looks around the room and then his eyes connect with mine, they bore through me and then he smiles icily. I drop my eyes immediately. I’m too fragile for this shit. The court case carries on but I am too distracted by the fact that the suspected serial killer’s eyes have not left me since he entered the room and I can feel the evil emanating from his every pore. How long has it been since he has seen a woman? I can feel my heart rate picking up as fear starts to send me into a panic. Between nightmares, philandering boyfriends and heartbreak I am very fragile indeed. Why is he still looking at me? Don’t look at him, don’t look at him, I chastise myself. I know he’s trying to freak me out, and it’s fucking working. I’m starting to sweat here.
Henry leans over and whispers. “He’s just trying to scare you. Don’t look at him.”
I nod and put my head down. He’s right, just look down. Stop freaking out. The court case carries on and my mind starts to wander. What’s Joshua doing now? Who’s he with? I must be in a daydream but before I realise the court case finishes. My eyes flick to the psychopath in front of me. His eyes are still locked on me, he smiles, slowly licks his lips and blows me a kiss. I drop my head again. Forget criminology, this is fucked up shit I don’t need messing with my head. Who was I kidding? I can’t deal with criminals, I would end up a head case. He is led out of the room by the handcuffs and I blow out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Let this day be over!
The drive home from work is long … and silent. Max doesn’t feel the need to talk and I don’t have one positive thing to say, so why bother. I hate negativity. I never imagined I would have so much of it coursing through my veins … where does it come from? And, more importantly, how do I get rid of it? My headache is back, and it’s starting to thump. In the two months since Dad’s death I have had six migraines, what a bitch those things are, I had no idea. On a few occasions Max and Bridget have called the doctor to my house and he has given me a needle to knock me out for two days. Stress-related is what he called it-I call it toxic information overload. The poison from my heart seeping into my brain cells, one by one. It’s the weekend so at least I can just relax and sleep. It’s funny, through the day when I should be doing things that are constructive all I want to do is sleep but at night when I should be sleeping all I can do is think … about him … with her. It’s poisoning me. I am riddled with guilt as my mind goes over the patients I have treated and how I have analysed them void of emotion. Bethany. Beautiful, smart Bethany, I saw her just today. She is also in love with an adulterer, she refused to give up and she stayed for love. But at what cost? She has no self-esteem, no sexual confidence and an inability to orgasm. She has children to him … so in effect she is trapped. So even though she stayed for love, she has been rewarded with hate … for herself. Today I sat and listened to her talk, and looked deep into the mirror. I felt like I was having an out- of-body experience. I could relate to everything she told me, every emotion, every fear. When she cried … I cried, the tears weren’t for her. They were for me. If I go back to my beloved Joshua, in five years I will be Bethany. Petrified that every time he walks out the front door he is going to meet up with her. Petrified that I am not pretty enough, funny enough … sexy enough.