All senses were stuck at that moment, seeing Kiera react this way. It was by far the most stupid thing I have done. Finally, things were starting to get normal and Kiera was starting to truly try to put her trust in me, and with each passing day our bond became stronger. But look at me now, ruining everything that I have worked so hard to achieve. How can I be so foolish enough to do something and ruin everything? I don’t even want to think about of consequences of my silly act?
And right in the moment of my frustration, a tiny hand touched my face, distracting me from my thoughts. “Daddy,”
I turned my attention to Aria; she seemed tense by the way Kiera reacted, but I can’t blame her for that, nor can I blame Kiera. It’s all my fault in the first place. I shouldn’t act so irrationally.
I hugged Aria tightly, trying to provide comfort to her and to myself with her warm embrace. “Don’t worry, mama is just a little startled, everything is fine.” Aria nodded at my words. She is very mature for her age and she doesn’t complain and hugged me tightly, silently, staring at both Kiera and at me.
I sighed.
I need to apologize to Kiera before things start to get messy. The kiss was not intentional, and I don’t regret it for a tiny bit, but I don’t think Kiera has the same thoughts as me regarding the kiss.
My lips still tinkle whenever I think of it, but I know Kiera doesn’t feel the same way as me, and I don’t think she will, after what happened between us in the past. She was kind enough to forgive me and be in life as a friend. But she will never accept me as a lover, a partner.
Maybe because I’m selfish and that I want her to be more than a friend in my life. I want to spend each moment of my life with her beside me. But I don’t think Kiera wants the same, not when I’m the reason for hardship in her life, the pain, and the sadness. Maybe I should leave her alone. I can’t keep hoping for something that’s not possible, because my desperate need for her love will only bring pain for both of us. I’m happy that she is beside me as a friend and I can’t hope for more.
My phone rang as I was procrastinating about the feeling in my heart. The phone call suddenly lifted my mood with the information. Just when I thought things couldn’t be worse came the news that could change everything in seconds. I couldn’t wait to share the news with Kiera. I know nothing more can make her happier than the news itself.
*****
Almost eight years and the thought still it roams in my mind. Memories that still hurt my soul, struggles that still scare me. And, like a disease, it’s disturbing my mind, my soul. No matter how hard I try to smile and let go of the past, the pain never leaves my soul.
Some decisions bring happiness to your life, but there are some decisions that bring nothing but sadness, and that decision was one of those in my life.
“Kiera,” said a familiar voice that called my name. I dried my eyes, not wanting to show the emotions in my heart to my face. It’s been so long that I sometimes think that somehow I mastered the art of hiding the pain in my heart with a fake smile plastered on my face, as I’m doing now.
“Jason,” I turned my face, looking towards his cheerful face.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” Jason said, holding my hands in his hand. “The kiss…. it was just an accident,”
I nodded with a smile on my face. I know in my heart that there can’t be anything other than a friendship or a contractual marriage between us. With a broken heart, a depressing past, and a shameful history, I don’t deserve someone like Jason or Aria in my life.
“You’re not angry with me,” Jason asked, with concern for me written on his face.
“I can never be.” I mumbled. “Sometimes things happened, and I can see the worry on your face about that incident. But don’t don’t worry, I’m fine. Look…,” I said, smiling cheerfully.
Jason chuckled at my words, hugging me tightly but carefully, trying his not disturb sleeping Aria in his arms. “I have something very important to share with.” Jason separated himself from me, looking into my eyes. “Your dad is awake from the coma,”
I looked at Jason with my mouth open, not trusting his words or my ears. My mouth went dry and words stopped coming from it.
“Really,” Jason said, the same word that was running in my mind, “Now let’s go, he is waiting for you.”
I don’t know what happened to me, but after hearing the news, I wrapped my arms tightly around Jason, hugging him and planting my lips on his cheeks. Jason looked startled by my reaction as he stared at me with his mouth open. Shit, thank God I came to senses fast, or else this kiss was going to be plastered on my lips, not his cheek.
“Sorry,” I said, hiding my gaze from Jason.
“It’s fine,” Jason replied, touching the space where my lips were just moments ago. “Sorry but, we have cancel our trip for now.”
I nodded at his words, cursing myself all the way to the hospital for my silly mistake. Kiera doesn’t forget that Jason is your only friend and nothing else, and there can’t be anything between you, so shut up and control your emotions.