Darius pulls back and rests his arms on my thighs, ending with resting his head on his hands. “Open that drawer next to you.”
I pick my head up and look at him. “What?”
“Open the drawer next to you and pull out the book in there.”
I reach over and do as he says. There is a leather bound book in there, it seems kind of thick and well worn. The leather is a dark brown color and makes it look really ancient, but I can tell that it isn’t that old, it’s like aged leather was used. The paper is newer though. “What is this?”
He smiles. “I dogeared a few sections. Eventually you can read it all, but for right now just go to the first section that is dogeared.”
I flipped through trying to find the dog ears, I noticed that it is a journal. I found what looks like the first one. “September tenth?”
“Yep.”
“Do you want me to read it out loud or just read it?” I watch him. I have no idea what he is thinking, but he seems intent on just me and this book.
“I know what it says, just read it.” He watches my face.
Sept. 10,
I think I am the only wolf that doesn’t want to find their mate when they turn eighteen. Today is my birthday and I pray to the goddess that I don’t find my mate. Her birthday isn’t for a couple of months. Then I want to find my mate. My mother keeps talking all morning that I will find her today. I can’t tell her that I don’t want to find her today. She is just too damn excited.
Good news, I didn’t find her today. I still will pray that she is my mate.
“Is this your journal?” I look over at him.
“Go to the next dogear.” He doesn’t answer, he just watches me with the book.
I flip through and find the next one. “November eighth?” He just nods.
Nov. 8,
I am excited today. It is her birthday. If she is my mate, which I pray she is, she is going to know today.
I am defeated. She didn’t scent me. I can’t trust my own opinion, I have wanted her for years. I spent a couple of times today getting as close to her as possible, she didn’t change. Her eyes told me that nothing was different. I guess that the good news is that she didn’t find a mate. The bad news is that it isn’t me.
I did come to a decision today, if we both don’t find our mates by the end of the school year I am going to take her as my mate. I can’t have her leaving me. Right now I get to see her everyday. Touch her everyday. If she leaves me, I will just fall apart.
“That was about me.” I look over to his sad eyes.
He nods. “No one even knew it was your birthday. They didn’t make a big deal. Not one person even said happy birthday to you. I don’t know if you remember how many times I touched you that day. How many times I tried to get your attention. I wanted you to scent me so bad, but you didn’t. I came home that day the most defeated man ever in the history of the pack.”
I look back at the pages. “You decided this on my birthday?”
“Yes, go to the next one.”
I flipped through again. “January fifteenth?”
“Yeah.”
“This is Sasha’s birthday.” I state as I look at him.
He gets a sad look. Even sadder than he already was. “Yeah, I know.”