When i opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was white walls and a few nurses looking over me. When they saw me open my eyes they were scrambling about shouting random words that meant nothing to me.
My first instinct was to look down and feel my belly and feeling around I assumed everything was okay.
“Kristina, you and your baby are okay. You are having heavy and painful contractions but its nothing life threatening you will need to be very brave for you and your baby okay” a man who I’m guessing is the doctor says to me.
I lay my head back and take a few deep breaths.
“mary, go get the father from outside we need to deliver this baby now” he tells one of the nurses. She drops the needle on the table before rushing out of the room.
I lifted my head up “now?” I ask him slightly scared. He nods his head smiling down at me. I wish I was as calm as this doctor right now.
I kicked my leg as there was another big one coming.
The next thing I know when I open my eyes I come face to face with Renzo who looks as shit as me right now.
Lord knows what both our families have had to deal with outside. I’m not going to pretend that Renzo has been somewhat nice and calm.
” baby, you do like to scare me don’t you” he says coming closer and reaching up to stroke my cheeks. His tender voice calms down my rapid heartrate.
” okay Kristina, are you ready to deliver your baby” he says as he goes to put on his gloves. How is this guy so calm right now, I literally thought I was going to die 10 minutes ago.
I could tell that Renzo was surprised as well.
I could only nod biting my lip softly. This is the moment, the one ive feared for the last 9 months and here it is.
Renzo moved out the way as the nurse position themselves either side of me. The doctor moved to the bottom and checked out everything. I quickly grabbed onto renzo’s arm and brought him close to me.
He leant down and kissed my forhead. ” I love you tina” he says staring up at me with such admitration I forgot I was surrounded by nurses in a hospital room.
“okay Kristina, when you feel a contraction coming I want you to tap the nurse and that’s when youre going to push. Test it out first and then were going to need all your energy for this delivery okay” I listened to his instructions carefully and nodded my head.
“wait” I suddenly blurted out realising I was about to make a huge mistake. Okay I know this isn’t a time to just go asking for things but I have to do this.
“babe, cant it wait”Renzo asks me his tone light and full of humour.
It can definitely not wait. ” I want my auntie in here, she is the closest thing I have to my parents please can you get her from outside” Renzo seemed to realise and quickly ran out. We all laughed when we heard his shouting.
He was soon followed by my auntie who was in a state. Lord knows what they were thinking out there.
“oh shit, im getting a contraction” I suddenly say alerting the doctor to get in position.
He stood between my legs and push my thighs slightly further apart. I don’t wanna know what Renzo is thinking right now.
“okay, 3, 2, 1 push” he said. I breathed in and pushed like he said, I didn’t quite anticipate how much it would hurt but it was excruciating. I grabbed hold of renzo’s hand as I pushed. I needed him to give me the strength to do this for our baby girl.
I felt him squeeze it back. Honestly I was impressed he was calm I did hope and pray that he wasn’t one of those guys who faint in the delivery room.
” okay tina, take a breather” I felt him moving around down there and honestly this pain was so fucking painful I felt like screaming.
“good job baby” Renzo stroked my hair his eyes fixed on the doctor.
The doctor told me to try and give at least two more big pushes. I didn’t think I would be able to do it with all the pain I was having.
The minute I tried to push again I felt it extremely difficult to breath. I had tightening at my chest and I had no idea what to do.
“Kristina, shit doctor somethings not right” my auntie suddenly said. My head felt heavy and I wanted to close my eyes desperately.
“mary get the oxygen and lift her back up. Kristina can you hear me your baby is nearly out I need you to give me one last push and you can close your eyes okay” through all the pain I managed to nod my head.
Renzo helped the nurse and lifted me up slightly. “its okay baby one last push” he whispered against my ear. The sensation of his lips at my ear made my eyes shoot open and I had a certain strength.
With every single drop of energy I had left I pushed, pushed with everything I had to be able to deliver my baby I don’t care what happens to me as long as my baby is okay.
I knew she was going to be smaller that precicted but I have faith tat she will get better. I pray that my mum is here with me supporting me in this stage of my life.
As soon as I finished pushing I heard the cries of my baby girl, the screams weren’t quiet, they were so loud. But as I gained consciousness to what was actually happening I realised that it wasn’t my baby who was screaming it was in fact me.
The doctor was about to place the baby on my chest when suddenly I felt the biggest pain I had ever felt.
“its too much, I cant handle it” I said my eyes closed tightly as the pains came in and out like waves.
The last thing I heard was Renzo shouting and pleading to me to keep my eyes open but unlike most days when I obey everything he tells me I just couldn’t.
“sir I need you to step outside for a few minutes we need to access the condition of your girlfriend”
Throughout the next hour I was in and out of consciousness. Half the time I was just screaming from the pain that I had and then there was also peaceful times when I would imagine that my parents were here with me.
They were alive in my mind. Both of them gleaming with pride as they looked over at me. I pictured the unique structure of my mums face, the beautiful dress she wore that flowed down to her knees.
Dad wore his signature black tshirt with jeans. Everything was so real but I knew this was a dream.
However when I dreamt of them before I never pictured them like this, it was always blurry or just voices. I mean you never forget your mothers voice I knew that.
” the pain is worth it my girl, you are strong you are your fathers daughter and you will grow to be an amazing mother with a man by your side” my mothers endearing voice spoke to me.
” I miss you both so much” I managed to say. They only looked at eachother before saying the exact same words.
“we miss you more”
Once they were gone I was alone in my mind. I realised mum was right the pain will be worth it in the end. I need to be strong for my baby girl because although Lorenzo will be an amazng father I know it. A child should never grow without a mother, a loving mother by their side.
“Kristina, youre okay, please relax your body” a voice spoke above me, I quickly opened my eyes and saw my doctor again. He was holding onto my arms tightly as I realised I was struggling in his hold.
Renzo had his hands on either side of my face as I thrashed around. Once i realised what I was doing I took one deep breath and stopped moving completely and rested all my muscles as I let the drugs flow through me.
Soon enough everyone could release their hold on me and relax finally.
” you did amazing Tina, I’m so proud of you baby” Renzo said kneeling down to my side.
For the first time I could really see him. He was still in his race attire looking delicious as normal.
” I am too, not of me but you Renzo you were amazing out there and in here I can not fault you” I said bringing my fingers to his jaw.
His eyes shone with joy hearing me say that but he needs to know how proud I am of him.
” congratulations you two you have a beautiful healthy baby girl ” the doctor says coming back into the room.
I noticed the sweet bundle in his arms and my heart literally stopped.
Is that her, is that my little girl.
“Gimme” I said like a child reaching out.
He gently placed her in my arms and left leaving us to have our time.
Renzo removed the cloth that was covering her face and I was left staring at the most beautiful little girl. She had the eyes of her father and the hair.
A dark brown that contrasted with her skin that she got from me. A warm olive tone in her skin.
“Hey baby girl” I said kissing her lightly on the forehead. She already had some hair that was showing through.
Renzo left me and walked out to the room.
“I will love you with all my heart, just like your grandma okay” I loved it when she opened her eyes slightly.
Soon enough family and friends were coming into the room meeting her.
Loretta was an absolute mess as she held her in her arms.
Watching her made me think of mum and auntie could tell too.
I held her hand as she let her tears fall.
My mum would have loved to be a grandma holding my baby in her arms.
” so tell us what’s her name ” George said as he stood next to Renzo.
Renzo rolled his eyes clearly George was impatient and kept asking.
” we decided to name her sierra ” for no reason at all we just really loved the name when speaking about names.
” oh that’s a beautiful name ” Loretta said finally handing over Sierra to her grandfather.
” oh lord those eyes are beautiful ” he said looking at her for the first time.
Yeah Loretta was greedy.
“Thanks dad” Renzo replies proudly being as though they look identical to his own.
The room was filled with laughter and I honestly couldn’t be happier.
Renzo made himself comfortable on the chair next to me and kissed my hand.
We didn’t have to say any words. We both knew what we felt at this moment. It was pure love for each other and our daughter.
Our family.
The End