“Or… you’re afraid to say yes to this dance because you’re already falling in love with me?” he said.
My ears flamed hot as I pursed my lips. I can’t bring my mouth to answer him because deep down, my heart already knows who it is. My heart already knows it…. and he’s right.
“I-I’m not afraid,” I said bravely but stammered. I don’t know where I get the courage to say that because my knees are so weak that I can’t guarantee I still can stand up properly without his support.
“Say yes to me, then.” He dared, and I gulped.
“Well damn it, Eion! Let’s just end it once and for all!”
With his hands on my waist and my arms on his neck, we danced, swaying slowly to the beat of the song. It felt like we had our own word as the crickets around us offered a background song along with the song from the earphones. It was not something fancy. I shouldn’t have gone to the prom if I knew he was going to surprise me this way. I enjoyed this more than the prom.
It’s really special and I will treasure it.
“Oh, one thing Eion.”
“What?”
I leaned on his chest and closed my eyes, feeling for his heartbeat. I could hear it beating so loud. “How’s your heart by the way?” I asked.
If it was even possible, his heartbeat would be louder this time. It even went faster. “You’re inside it. How will it not be okay?” He replied.
Gosh, where did he learn that from? I swear, once I know Leroy told him to tell that to me, he’s dead. It’s really cringy, but I feel my cheeks turning hot from it, liking it….
“Luke danced with me earlier at prom.” I blurted out, wondering what his reaction would be.
He scoffed at that, “Oh, so he’s your first dance? Are you making me jealous?”
I nodded confidently, “Yes.”
He sighed at that. “Fine. Then I’ll be your last dance then. He had you first, but I’ll make sure I will be your last.”
“Snow..” It was his turn to call me out. “I wish that I had never met you.”
I was ready to slap him but stopped when I heard him say the next words.
“Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks.” I gawked in surprise and my mouth opened in shock. Did I hear correctly?
He looked me straight in the eye. “Remember that night when I kissed you from our trip?”
I halted at that.
Wait, now that he brought it up, I remember hearing him say those familiar words…. when did he say that again?
Eion didn’t let me answer and continued, “Whether you remember that or not, I’ll repeat what I just said there again.” He said.
“You chased me through the streets just to give me my change. I purposely gave you that money because I thought people are like that.” He started.
“But then I was wrong, you gave it back to me, without even taking advantage of it and without expecting something. You wanna know why I always come the following days after that?”
I nodded slowly, not able to reply, and got lost in his gaze. We were still dancing, more like swaying from left to right.
“If you’re thinking that I will say, ‘because my day never got complete without seeing you, then you’re half-right,” he chuckled. I punched him lightly at that.
“You’re wrong. I thought your day would never get complete without annoying me.” I joked.
“Well, that too, is a part of my reason.” I scowled at him. He just chuckled deeply.
“At first, I hate you. You’re nosy, loud, blunt, childish, annoying, you make me yell, you drive me crazy.”
I was about to protest when he put his fingers to my mouth to stop me. “I can say 100 bad things about you, but I can say 101 good things about you. You are everything I want. I was not aware of it. I didn’t realize it until that day came. You were busy texting someone.”
“It was from Luke. I hate to admit it, even to myself. I was jealous. And then I said you were a useless worker. That is not true though. I just said that because I don’t want to see you like that with another person.”
But things still don’t click to my mind. “Then why? If you like me then why are you always annoying me? And showing hatred towards me?”
“Because I want to ignore my feelings and I hate myself that I can’t do anything about it.” He looked to the ground.
“I didn’t know how to express my feelings for you. That’s why that is the only way I could think of.” His voice holds on to things… sadness. “And I regret that.”
I stood frozen. My heart was like it was being held tightly, not making me breathe. Our dance stopped, with the song, ‘You are the reason’ by Calum Scott still playing in the background, helping with the mood we currently have.
I wanted to say something, to say that it was not a big deal and comfort him but I stopped… deciding to just keep quiet.
“And when you get close to my cousin, you always walk hand in hand. You know it f*cking hurts, Snow. Damn it!” Tension started to linger in the air. I inhaled and exhaled.
“I told myself to stop liking you. Loving you even. Because you are happy with him. All that matters to me is that you are happy even though I am not the person that makes you happy. I decided to let go. To ignore you.”
” But Snow it’s so hard. Whatever I do, you always come to my mind, and by ignoring you, it just intensified my feelings.” He paused to breathe.
“I kept myself busy with things to do, but every time I pause I still think of you. I can’t eat properly, and my nights are sleepless. If it is love I don’t want it. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.”
Tears started to roll down his cheek. I had the urge to raise my hand and wipe it away but I stopped and let himself open up to me.
“That time in our vacation, I couldn’t control myself anymore so I did the thing I wanted to do all this time. I kissed you. And it felt good. You didn’t even kiss me back. I hope you felt my love for you at that time even if I always screw things up. I had to accept that I am not worth it for you. Even if it kills me inside. I had to. I am not the one for you. I had to give up.”