“Yeah…” I trailed off. Gulping, I cleared my throat to ask him a question I was always insecure about, “Luke am I a good-”
“Look at that! It’s the squad.” Luke cut off, pointing to something. I wanted to ask Luke if I did a good job as his girlfriend, it bothered me always.
Shrugging it off, I looked at the direction-the road he pointed not far enough from us but far enough for us to see.
“What are they doing?” He wondered out loud.
I looked at the squad, all of them were there except Eion. Dax is hugging Emma by his side with him shouting something for Leroy and Leroy glared at him, coming for Hannah to rescue him but Hannah just walked far from him.
Leroy just gave up and stopped to prepare for something. He then breaks into a dance-a weird dance that made the squad laugh, including me and Luke watching here above.
“Maybe he lost a bet,” I said out loud.
“Probably.” Luke agreed. “Look at them being so happy. Damn. This year really changed me, the squad I mean, especially you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.” He smiled. “You may doubt yourself but you are the best girl ever.”
I looked at him curiously, “Swear?”
“Well, the second-best since my mom is no. 1 for me.” He smiled sheepishly. I giggled at that.
“Mama’s boy,” I commented.
“And also, that vacation we had. It was the best.” He added. I stopped at that. Memories and memories came back again to my mind, especially that one night where Eion…
I glanced at Luke, feeling worse. Should I tell him? One part says that I should tell him… one part doesn’t.
“And Eion. That guy, I hope he’ll be back soon. I rarely see him enjoy… and I rarely see him care for someone.” Luke glanced at me.
“Care that he even took better care of my girlfriend than me.” He chuckled bitterly at that.
I stopped, my eyebrows furrowed. “What are you saying, Luke?”
“What? It’s the truth.” He smiled bitterly. “I saw him there when you were in an allergy, where he got you to sleep, I think he’s more suited to be your guy than me.”
I know it was just a comment or joke of his but there was a hint of something sad in his voice. A lump suddenly formed in my throat. Just remembering Eion now, I think now I know why I am feeling like this with Luke.
“That’s not true, Luke. You don’t know how much I enjoyed your company.”
“Was it?” He asked. “I have one question, Snow.”
“Then ask.” I urged.
“Who do you choose. Him or me?” He asked. I know this is a joke, he has a smile on his face, but his tone was a bit different.
“Luke, are you serious?” I asked, proving that this is a joke.
“Am I?” He asked back. “Just answer it.” He shrugged.
“You of course!” I exclaimed. He laughed at that.
“I know it. Of course, I’m much handsome than him.” He joked, bursting into fits of laughter. At that, I couldn’t help but lean closer and hug him.
“That was a joke… haha.” I laughed awkwardly, a few tears rolling down my cheek. I wiped it out and looked up at the sky to prevent it again. Geez, I’m so dramatic tonight!
He rubbed my back and I think he knows I’m crying. I feel so guilty and mad for myself, that I let it happen. That I didn’t control myself. And I even enjoyed it.
When I had calmed down, Luke gently cupped my chin and raised it high. He leaned towards me and smiled, looking at my eyes like he’s piercing deep into my soul, then trailed down to my nose and to my lips.
Slowly, he caressed my chin and gulped, biting his lip and leaning closer. I closed my eyes, waiting for him to kiss me but when I opened my eyes, he was looking down, not meeting my eyes.
He said something I was so afraid to hear. “Lie.”
“What?”
“You’re lying to yourself, Snow. Not to me.” He said, meeting me straight in the eye.
“Why-how-I’m not-”
“I know. I know it. I know everything.” He said seriously and my chest tightened. j
So he already knew everything? “Luke, I want to tell you everything.”
“No need. I saw it. That night. His kiss.” My eyes widened in shock. A tear rolled down his cheek.
“Luke, it’s my fault.”
He turned around. “It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I knew it from the start. The way you two had always acted around each other. You love him. But damn, this stupid me chose to erase that and believe that I can have a place in your heart.”
“Luke please look at me!” I tried to reason out.
“No, I can’t. If I do then I might do something I’ll regret and hurt you.” He was frozen. He looked like a statue but he was breathing heavily.
“But I’m hurting you. I feel so bad. I can’t take it anymore. But I have to tell you sooner or later.” I closed my eyes, stopping the tears from rolling down. “Luke. I like you. I really do-”
“You like me. But you love him.” He interrupted me, his voice cracking.
“I don’t love him!” I yelled in range
. “I… don’t. So stop that.” I mumbled, looking down.
Luke sighed heavily. “Snow. I want you to be honest with yourself. Acceptance. Accept what your heart tells. Because I’ll accept whatever decision you’ll make.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, “But I’m hurting you.”
He just faked a smile at me, “This pain will be temporary. I know it will be gone. But in the future, you’ll end up hurting people, not only me. So don’t let that happen, Snow.”
It hurts so much to see him like this. If only I could have two hearts…
“Then are you breaking up with me?” I asked, now hopeless. I feel stupid. I really hate myself now. This is a stupid question. But I don’t know anymore.
I saw him shaking his head, “No. Just want to clear things off. Snow, if you choose me, I’ll be happy. But if you choose him, then I’ll force myself to be happy.”
My heart broke at that. I reached out my hand to him. “Luke, I want to hug you.”
“Don’t. I might be so caught up that I won’t let you go. It’s best if you leave now. It’s better this way for now.” He started walking away, leaving me alone “Decide first, Snow.” He said, not even bothering to look at me.