Eliza
I wait in the café for Jolie and Brooke. I’m a bundle of nerves, and to be honest, these are the last two people I want to discuss this with because I already know their thoughts.
April thinks that I need to be open with Nathan and lay it all out on the table, but I feel like I need some advice from people who know us both really well.
The girls come into view, laughing and chatting as they walk through to me before they fall into their seats.
“Hi.” They both smile.
Jolie leans over and kisses my cheek. “I cannot apologize for the other night enough, Lize.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, thanks to you, Nathan has hardly spoken to me all week.”
“What?” They both frown. “Oh no.”
“We had a huge fight, and he’s so hurt.” Jolie puts her head into her hands. “God, I feel terrible.”
“And so you should,” Brooke snaps. “I can’t believe you.”
“Anyway, it gets worse.” I sigh. “Much worse.”
They frown as they listen intently. “Nathan’s ex, Robert, came back, and right in front of me, he professed that he still loves Nathan and wants him back.”
Their faces fall.
“What did Nathan say?”
“He kicked him out.”
“Thank God,” Brooke says as she puts her hand on her chest in relief.
“But he hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“What?”
“He hasn’t spoken to me because I think that, deep down, he wants to go back but he doesn’t want to hurt me.”
“You think he’s confused?” Brooke asks.
“I think so… and now…” I tip my head back to the sky in despair. “I think I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, fuck!” Jolie snaps.
Brooke’s eyes widen in horror.
“Does Nathan know you’re pregnant?” Jolie gasps.
“Yes. Well, no, because the test was negative.”
“You did a test?”
“Yes. But apparently they can take a few days if the hormone levels are low.”
“How late are you?”
“Five days.”
“You’re five days late on the pill?” Jolie gasps.
“Yes.”
“Oh, fuck, you’re gone. Totally knocked up.” Jolie rolls her eyes.
I put my head into my hands in despair. “What do I do?”
The girls sit in silence, too shocked to reply.
“So, let me get this straight,” Jolie says as she recaps the situation. “His ex came back and Nathan hasn’t spoken to you since.”
“Before that, actually. He hasn’t really spoken to me since you said those things at the club.”
Brooke punches Jolie hard in the arm. “You fucking started this shit, you bitch.”
“I know.” Jolie winces.
“Robert professed his love, and you think Nathan still has feelings for him.”
I nod.
“But you think he’s going to stay with you because you’re possibly pregnant.”
My eyes well with tears, and I nod sadly. “Yep, that about sums it up.”
“Oh God.” Brooke drags her hand down her face. “This is a fucking nightmare.”
“You can’t have this baby,” Jolie says. “You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of insecurity.”
“If I’m pregnant, I’m having it, Jolie,” I bark. “And I was already insecure before any of this happened.”
We sit in silence for a while as we all try to find a solution. The enormity of the situation has really sunk in, now that I’ve said it out loud.
“You just need to talk to him, Lize.” Jolie sighs. “Only he can give you the answers.”
“I know.”
“He might be just stressed out.” Brooke smiles hopefully.
“The thing is, what do I do? If I know that he still loves Robert, but is staying with me out of responsibility, what do I do?”
“Could you build a future with a man, knowing that you aren’t his true love?” Jolie asks.
Tears fill my eyes again and I drop my head in sadness. “No. No, I couldn’t.”
* * *
I sit on the couch, curled up in a ball as I watch the minutes tick over on the clock.
It’s 10:00 p. m. and Nathan isn’t home from work yet. I have no tears left to cry. An emptiness has crept in and is sitting heavy in my chest. I’m dealing with a completely different man now-one that I don’t know. My Nathan would never treat me like this.
Is he with him?
Nathan was gone when I woke up. I haven’t heard from him all day, and my period still isn’t here.
This is new territory-a dark place where I don’t want to be anymore.
The end of us is near.
It’s only a matter of time, I know it is.
I can feel our relationship disintegrating before my eyes, and I have no idea how to stop it, or if it’s even possible. It’s like we are on a collision course toward heartbreak.
Both of us are in the passenger seat, unsure who is driving.
Things are grim. They couldn’t get any worse.
I scroll through Facebook and Instagram, desperately searching for a distraction but my mind is heavy.
In normal circumstances, Nathan and I would have talked through this. We’d have gone through every possible scenario by now. We would have come to a conclusion and discussed our options.
But this time, it’s different.
Robert’s pained words come back to me. You’ve been begging me to come back to you for years. I know you still love me, Nathan. It’s not too late for us.
Problems like these don’t just disappear. They come back to haunt you, year after year.
If Nathan is still in love with Robert, I will always know where his heart truly lies, and that he stayed because he didn’t want to hurt me.
I know Nathan, and I know that he will never leave me. That isn’t who he is.
He would sacrifice his heart for mine.
And I hate that. I hate knowing that if we are going to end, I have to do it.
He will never walk away. He would never leave me alone.
The clock ticks over to 10:30 p. m., and I drag myself off the couch and down the hall.
He knows this would be tearing me apart, and still, he stays silent.
He stays away.
I’m going to lose him.
Maybe I have already.
Nathan
I sit in the chair in the corner of my patient’s hospital room, and I go through his chart again, trying to figure out what the fuck to do here.
I nearly lost him today. After surviving a twelve-hour surgery yesterday, he’s fighting for survival. Justin, a twenty-one-year-old with his whole life in front of him, is unresponsive, and not coming out of it like we had hoped.
No heart transplant is easy, but it’s as if his body is too tired to fight. I’ve sent his parents back to their hotel to shower and rest. I promised them I would stay with him until their return.
“Here you are, Doctor.” The nurse hands me a cup of coffee. “Can I get you a blanket?”
“No, thanks, Emma, I’m good,” I reply as I take it from her.
Her eyes linger on me. “You must be exhausted-you’ve been here all day.”
I give a sad smile as my eyes watch Justin hooked up to all the machines, the sound of his weak heartrate echoing through the room.
Don’t die.
“I’m fine.” I sigh. I get a vision of him in my office last week and how excited he was to be finally getting the procedure. I had no inclination that his young body wasn’t strong enough to get through it.