Hope
I was going back to training today. I loathed it more than anything else in the world. I could still remember the mocking faces of the soldiers weeks ago and it haunted me. I was doing better now, my wounds were roughly healed and I’ve been eating well.
Though there was an incident before I was cleared to come back to training. Darius had wanted to dismiss Kyle and behead him for not paying close attention to me and letting me faint in the middle of the hallway. I had to convince Darius that there was no need to do all that to Kyle and by convince, I mean, stand there and look at him with pleading eyes.
It must’ve worked well because Darius had let go of Kyle and given him one last chance to prove his worth. Because of that sole deed, Kyle became a little less hostile towards me. For example, this morning, he asked if I was alright when I stepped out of my room and before then, instead of banging on my door and demanding that I come out for training, he had sent the three pouty musketeers-what I call the maids who attend to me-to come in and get me ready for the day.
They had also provided me with a small meal so I wouldn’t go hungry. It wasn’t anything much, just a bowl of fruits but it still counted for something. All these things didn’t mean that they had changed their attitudes towards me-Kyle included-it just meant that they were afraid of me falling ill again so that Darius wouldn’t get mad at them and threaten to get rid of them.
It worked for me so I didn’t complain about anything.
I was dressed in the normal training outfit and ready to regret the day. No one paid much attention to Kyle and I as we trotted deep into the grounds, probably because they were all so busy with what they were doing. They trained and sparred like they were preparing for war. I tried not to act like I was confused by their actions but I think I didn’t frame my expression well because Kyle took it upon himself to explain the circumstance to me.
“The king passed on an instruction after your er- incident for training to be taken more seriously since there is now an unidentified source of rebels.”
Rebels? Memories of what that rude man, Thaddeus, had said about rebels during the council meeting that day flashed through my mind’s eye. But those were humans. The assailant who tried to kill me was not human at all. There was now a new brand of unidentified rebels. That could only mean…
“You guys are late!” The sound of a pissed feminine voice filled the air, and I snapped out from my thoughts. I glanced ahead to see the commander making her way straight toward us with an evident frown on her face.
“We’ll do better,” Kyle answered for the two of us.
“Good morning,” I bowed my head a little in respect to the commander. Kyle echoed my greeting with his deep voice. Commander nodded in response to him and ignored my greeting.
“Are your feet good for running?” Commander asked me. I glanced down to check what she was talking about, then lifted my head a second later, feeling a tad foolish for the gesture.
“Um… yeah. Yes, I mean,” I corrected.
She hummed, then her eyes darted around us. I followed suit, looking around the circular training grounds that had to be over fifty thousand feet large.
“I want you to take a lap around the grounds.” Commander instructed. My eyes bulged out from their sockets.
“Wh-what?”
“I despise having to repeat myself. Do as you’re told,” was her response before she walked away with her hands behind her back.
“I’ll get water.” Kyle said to himself more than me before he disappeared from my view.
I stared at the entire training grounds as my lips trembled. This was all Darius’ fault. If he hadn’t subjected me to this training, I wouldn’t be here. No, if he had made the castle’s security better so the assailant wouldn’t have gotten a chance to attack me in the first place, then I wouldn’t be here. No, that’s not it.
If he hadn’t gotten married to me at all, none of this would have happened.
*****
I should have never trusted Augustus. He always used to speak about how much he would take care of me and how I didn’t need to worry, but now that I was ugly, he kept away from me as much as he could.
This plague, it’s killing me. Messing with my mind. I see and hear things that I shouldn’t. But the worst part is that having the plague itself isn’t all that painful. I can talk fine, eat well, and walk fine. It’s just the stigma that comes with it.
The once beautiful former princess of the humans and current queen of Moratia has been cursed to look like an ugly hag for the rest of her remaining days. It hurts when people look at me and their expressions turn nasty or pitiful.
I’ve tried to convince myself that these black deadly spots don’t own or change me but it’s a lie. They do. They have. I just don’t know how much yet.
I shut the book close after that. After training, I took a long nap and woke up to read a page of India’s diary. I wasn’t even the one in her condition but I sympathized deeply with her. Against her better judgment, she had fallen for Augustus and he had turned his back on her once she got the plague.
He used to frequent her chambers every night to whisper sweet nothings into her ear. He used to take her out on walks and on one occasion, she explained how they had put on disguises, sneaked out of the castle and went for a festival as commoners.
They had confessed their undying love for each other, only for India to wake up with huge black dots all over her body the next two days and for their honeymoon phase to come to an end.
Augustus didn’t show up at India’s room again that night, or the next after that. He had made the maids serve her privately instead of sharing meals with her. They didn’t go on walks or secret romantic dates again. All it took was a little illness for his “undying love” to wither away.
Maybe that was the motivation India needed to kill him. It was valid enough. Being heartbroken. I couldn’t say that I’ve never been heartbroken in my entire life but my heart wasn’t shattered by a romantic lover. More along the lines of family members and close friends. It hurts. It used to hurt so bad.
But I shouldn’t dwell on that too much. Instead, I wanted to go visit Amara to see how she was doing. It has been a while since I’ve gone to meet her and that was first because of my probation and now it was because of Kyle who was by my side every second of the day.
I was waiting for him to get slightly dizzy while on guard so I would sneak out and go to the library. I peeked out my slightly opened door to check on him. His eyes were closed but I could tell that he was still awake. I waited for a few more minutes before I decided I was ready.
I slowly widened the door open. With my shoes on my hands so that my footsteps wouldn’t be noisy, I tiptoed out of the hallway. Bypassing the maids and guards around with a large cloak over me, I finally got to the library. Since there was no need to be quiet any longer, I barged into the library and made my way through the secret shelf to get to Amara’s room.
“Hello?” I called out when I was inside and I heard a hiss. “Amara?” I asked.
“Yes, yes, I’m coming. No need to make so much noise.” A nagging voice came from the right side of the room and with it the owner of the voice.
“Ah, it’s you?” Her usual frowning face brightened up at the sight of me. “It’s been so long, how are you? Come in, come in.” She beckoned me over and I did as instructed and we both settled on her bed.
“I’m fine… I think. And you?” I asked and she waved me off.
“I’m an old woman, there’s nothing ever going on in my life. Tell me about you. How’s that cranky husband of yours?” she pressed on.
I delved into all the things that have been happening to me, and she listened intently, chipping in with hums and nods every now and then. Once I was done, she made a long hum sound, like she was deep in thought.
“How far have you gone in the diary?” she asked and I tilted my head to one side, since I had expected her to say something different.
“Um… quite far but I’m taking it slow since it’s a one of a kind type of book,” I replied.
“Psh, what do you mean one of a kind? India had tons of diaries. She wrote until she died. There are about ten to fifteen diaries back here.” Amara spoke so casually and I opened my mouth in surprise.
“Really?”
“Of course, she lived a long life. So many tales to tell. Read up and I’ll hand you the next one when you’re done.” Amara stood up after that for a glass of water.
“Thank you. And it’s so late now, I’ll be going back.” I said, standing up as well.
She nodded. “Of course. Bye, little queen.” She turned her back to me, and I did the same, then strolled out of her room and got to the library. After shutting the shelf close, I left the library.
Outside of the door stood Kyle in all his might with his lips pressed into a thin, firm line. My heart skipped a beat in fear and surprise as my brain scrambled itself for a solution to this current problem.
“I-”
“I’d be glad to escort you officially next time. There’s no need to sneak away. I’m your personal guard,” was what he said without a change in his expression and I stared at him with my mouth agape.
Did he just offer to help me visit Amara secretly?