Hope
“I don’t want to.” I said with a slightly shaky voice.
After my sentence, it was as though the entire world had come to a standstill because Darius froze up. I gulped down on my saliva, regretting those words immediately.
“What?” Darius said, sounding flabbergasted that he even had to ask that in the first place.
I cleared my throat. “I said I don’t want to. I don’t want to train for anything. I’m not even going to be here for long. Once you find Light, there’ll be no need for any of this.”
I was going to die for saying such things. I was going to die a slow and painful death after this. The expression on my husband’s face said as much. He burned with fury.
“I- I,” I tried to take back my words but I couldn’t. Unfortunately, I couldn’t form any complete sentences under such a gaze of terror.
“The choice was not yours to make in the first place. I am ordering you to report for training by tomorrow. I am not suggesting it.” Darius gritted out forcefully, like he was trying hard to restrain himself from doing something criminal.
“I don’t have any experience and last night, I-”
He cut me off with a sharp look. “Last night, someone broke into your room and the only thing you could do about it was scream for help. Do you know how bad that makes me look?”
Once again, he had managed to make everything about him and his reputation. It wasn’t my fault that someone tried to attack me. What did that have to do with his image?
Darius sucked in a sharp breath, then exhaled through his mouth. “You will meet up with the Commander in the training grounds at first light tomorrow and you will do as she tells you with no complaints.” He stood up from his chair after those words and marched away from the garden, leaving me shattered with the guard.
The guard! I suddenly remembered him and lifted my head to match his blank gaze on me. I could bet that he was beating himself up for being tasked with the unfortunate job of guarding me. Someone like him looked like he could slay dragons and he was going to be my new guard. I felt pity for him.
I dropped my head down and stood up from the chair. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to him, then turned on my heels and retreated to my chambers, trying hard to not make my limp seem visible.
I heard his heavy steps behind me. Kyle Arsen. That was his name. Kyle. I tried to ignore the fact that he was right behind when I got to my room. I opened my door to walk in, and I heard him take a step inside my room as well. I turned around to face him.
“Are you-” I coughed a little. “Are you going to come inside my room as well?” Heat flooded my cheeks as I asked that ridiculous question. His midnight blue eyes stared at me with no emotions behind them, like he couldn’t fathom why I was even talking with him in the first place.
“You don’t have to come in with me. You can stay outside. There’s no need to come in.” I explained, pronouncing the awkwardness of the situation.
He stared at me for a few moments before he nodded his head and took a step backward. I smiled in appreciation. “Thank you,” I said, then closed the door.
I sighed after that, then went ahead to fall face first on my bed. I puffed a breath again.
“Training? Hmph. We’ll see about that.”
*****
I was forced to wake up before dawn the next day, courtesy of Kyle who kept pounding on my door and demanding that we take off for the training grounds. I was not happy with the way he spoke to me but I still got up and changed into some basic training attire that I received last night.
It was an azure, medium-sized, fitted tunic with tight black trousers and heavy boots. I had to force myself to wear the boots. My heels stung as I walked to the training grounds but I ignored the pain, seeming that no one would care even if I called their attention to it.
Once Kyle and I got to the large training grounds which was distanced far behind the castle, I was already rethinking all my life choices. My entire body hurt and my stomach grumbled because I didn’t get a chance to eat before we took off.
The army in training were already there. Some were swinging swords, others were sparring with batons, a good number were practicing archery, while a few were exercising and just lousing around the place. Commander stood in the midst of it all, conversing with that guy who I had seen with Orion the other day.
The young one. I admired his childlike features from afar. He had the youngest face in this castle that I had ever seen. He had curly brown hair with the same color of eyes. There was something innocent about him that I couldn’t quite place my finger on.
“We have to report to the commander,” Kyle pressed in an urgent tone from my side, and I nodded.
As we walked through the field, I could feel the multiple pairs of eyes set on me. There were over hundreds of men here, a few women including myself and the commander. I felt so self-conscious and did the best I could not to trip and fall because of my injury. Once we finally got to where the Commander and the boy were standing, they both turned to face us, mirroring each other’s frowns.
“I, uh… good morning,” I greeted awkwardly, bowing my head a little bit.
I heard the commander tsk a little before I lifted my head up. Kyle greeted the commander with a simple nod. She cracked a small smile at him. As fast as it came, it disappeared right when she stared at me, to be replaced with her usual scowl.
“I heard what happened. I don’t know how you humans do things, but in Moratia, when someone attacks you, you defend yourself.” She said to me in an accusatory tone, like I was the one in the wrong.
My lips drew into a thin, firm line but I didn’t say anything. Once she saw that I wasn’t going to reply to her annoying words, she sighed, then took a step closer to me. I watched her as she reached for me, and I flinched a little bit. A sense of deja vu overwhelmed me. This time, her eyes narrowed into suspicious slits, and she reached for me again. She touched my arm and chuckled a bit.
“So you’re not all bones and all in there,” she laughed to herself.
I suddenly felt self-conscious. I remembered what used to happen when I was back home and people would compare my weight to Light’s and refer to me as the fatter twin. I was just… not good enough.
The commander withdrew her hand from my arm and stared at me with a look that I couldn’t decipher. “You good?” she asked, and I raised a curious brow.
Was she asking me that question? If I was good? No, I was not good!
“I-
“Don’t bother,” she cut off my reply with a wave of her hand and turned her back to me. “You see those armories over there?” She pointed straight ahead, and I shifted to her side to see what she was pointing at.
I saw an entire table filled with different weapons, from swords to spears to bows and arrows to knives to shields and even full on armors. My lips trembled as I predicted what she was going to say next.
“… yes?” I stuttered.
“Clean all of ’em up.” She instructed, then waltzed out of my view, leaving no room for complaints. I gulped as I continued to stare down at the armory table.
I knew this was a bad idea.