Sally
I’m lost in a never-ending sprint, my feet pounding against the darkness. I’m chasing something, but I don’t know what. My heart is racing, my breath is ragged, and my mind is a jumbled mess. It’s like I’m trapped in a labyrinth with no escape, no map, and no memory of who I am or why I’m here.
Every step feels like a betrayal, every breath a lie. I’m a stranger in my own skin, a ghost haunting my own life. The world around me is distorted, like a funhouse mirror reflecting a reality that’s not my own.
I try to grasp onto something, anything, but everything slips through my fingers like sand. My memories, my identity, my sense of self all of it is crumbling, leaving me with nothing but a hollow echo that whispers: ‘You’re not yourself. You’re not yourself. You’re not yourself.’
As I sat in the therapist’s office, my mind began to unravel like a thread pulled from a fraying seam. It had been years since this happened, so why did it come back? The last time it happened was years ago! Why? Why? Why? What does this mean now?
The voices whispered my name, a haunting echo that threatened to consume me: “Sally, Sally, Sally…” I felt myself slipping away, lost in a labyrinth of memories and fears.
But then, like a lifeline thrown into the darkness, I felt the therapist’s gaze on me. I snapped back to reality, my eyes locking onto hers. She looked concerned, her brow furrowed with worry.
I felt a wave of guilt and shame wash over me, followed by a tide of tears. I looked down, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
The therapist, Suzie’s voice was gentle, a soothing balm for my frayed nerves. “Sally, you haven’t told me anything yet. What’s wrong? Please talk to me. I’m here for you.”
I took a deep breath, the words tumbling out of me like a confession. “Colby found out… he found out that I can talk.”
Suzie’s eyes widened, surprise etched on her face. “Oh my goodness, how did he find out?”
I shook my head, the memories flooding back like a dark tide. “I don’t know… but I think it’s coming back… my sleepwalking. The memories, the feelings… everything.”
Suzie’s voice was calm and reassuring. “Hey, listen to me, everything will be fine, okay? You’re safe now. You hold my hand, and we’ll get through this together. We can recover from this. It’s just a setback, and it will pass.”
I nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. The therapist wiped away my tears, and I felt a sense of comfort in her gentle touch.
“Can you tell me what really happened?” she asked, her voice soft and encouraging with her hands holding onto mine like she was ready to pull away the bad, negative energy from the tips of my fingers.
I bit my lip, looking down as I struggled to find the words. “I… I actually remembered everything yesterday. I was sleeping in my dorm, and I woke up suddenly. I left my room and went into his room… Colby’s room. I sleepwalked all the way through.”
Suzie’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Colby? The guy you have a crush on?”
I nodded, feeling a flush rise to my cheeks. “Yeah… I knew his passcode, so I was able to open his door. And then… we had sex. I even talked to him. He heard my voice!’
Her expression was neutral, but I could sense a hint of surprise behind her eyes. “What did he say to you the next morning?” she asked, her voice gentle but probing.
“He asked me to talk, but I couldn’t respond. I didn’t even understand him at first,” I said, recalling the awkward, annoying encounter. “It wasn’t until my roommate helped me remember some things that I started to piece together what happened.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “And when did this happen?”
I hesitated, feeling a pang of guilt. “It’s been a week already. I haven’t seen him since then. I’ve been avoiding classes and cheering practice just so I wouldn’t run into him.”
“He found out your deepest secret. That can be overwhelming.”
I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat.
Suzie leaned forward, her voice gentle. “Have you considered coming out to him, telling him the whole truth?”
I bit my lip, unsure. “I don’t know… he’ll certainly ask me why I kept my voice hidden for so long, and I don’t know how I’ll tell him.”
She rubbed my shoulder reassuringly. “Everybody has secrets, Sally. And now that he knows the truth, you can be honest with him.”
“I” I paused, then sighed deeply.
“Do you trust him? Besides, he’s someone you’re interested in, right? And since you both had an intimate encounter, which presumably was consensual, he might be open to exploring something more with you.”
I hesitated, feeling a flutter in my chest. “He’s not my crush,” I said finally.
Suzie’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh? Then who is he? Your boyfriend?”
I rolled my eyes, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. “I wish he was my boyfriend.”
After a long pause, I said, my voice barely audible, “He… He’s my stepbrother.”
“What?” Suzie exclaimed, acting out of class and profession, her eyes widening.
I watched as she soon composed herself, apologizing for her outburst.
“I’m… sorry for screaming. I didn’t mean to overreact.”
I smiled wryly, feeling a mix of emotions. “It’s… okay. I know it was a shock.”
Suzy’s eyes widened again, her voice barely above a whisper. “But is that true? Colby is your stepbrother…”
I nodded my head, taking a deep breath before launching into the story.
After Suzy listened intently, she nodded thoughtfully. “Well… what’s next between you and… stepbrother, Colby?” She emphasized the word “stepbrother” slightly.
I felt my heart skip a beat as I met Suzy’s gaze. “I… want to open up to him. I want him to know how I feel.”
Suzy’s eyebrows shot up, her expression a mask of surprise.
“You mean… romantically?” she asked.
I nodded, my voice barely audible. “Yes.”
Suzy’s expression turned serious, her voice low and measured. “Sally, this is a delicate situation. What about your parents? How will they react?”
I shrugged, feeling a weight settle on my shoulders. “I… don’t know. I’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Okay then,” she nodded, giving a small smile.