82

Silver had been silent up until we reached the bus terminal. I found myself staring at the brightly lit board, times and dates flashing through my mind. As I walked over to the clerk and pulled a few bills from my bag, my eyes couldn’t help but flicker towards the multitude of cameras around the terminal. It was a silly thought, driven by paranoia and fear. What if they managed to find me? Lauren and Darren were useless and would spare no effort searching for me, but it was Sebastian I worried about. From his crisp suit and large house, it was obvious he was wealthy. Would Sebastian put forth the effort and money to find me? I wasn’t sure.
I had to pay extra for the soonest bus to Atlanta. It would take three hours to get there, thankfully with no stops involved. Anxiety and paranoia clung to me along with the crisp nighttime air. My foot tapped relentlessly; my eyes locked on the clock ticking away in the terminal. I had discarded my old flip phone at the corner store before stepping into the cab, another precaution I decided to take.
Silver had been quiet the entire time, only speaking up as the bus pulled into the terminal.
‘Don’t do this, Sophia,’ Silver pleaded, her voice as stressed and nervous as my own. ‘I know why you want to leave; I understand. I’m telling you it’s the wrong choice.’
‘I want to find that out for myself,’ I grimaced. ‘I never had a choice, not with anything. If this is a mistake, I’ll find out on my own.’
‘I won’t help you do this, Sophia,’ Silver’s voice sounded tired and sad, almost making me regret my decision. ‘You’ll be on your own.’
‘I’ve always been on my own,’ I murmured, walking over to the coach bus. The smell of cleaner and air freshener filled my nose. ‘It’s time I make my own decisions.’
Silver went silent, and I couldn’t help but feel as though I had lost a part of myself. The silence was deafening. It was then I realized how much I had gotten used to her voice, even in the short days I had known her.
“You’re doing the right thing,” I murmured to myself, stepping onto the nearly empty bus. “I’ll learn from my mistakes like anyone else. At least I finally have the freedom to choose.”
My stomach was doing flips as I walked down the narrow aisles of the bus. Only a few people lingered, clearly impatient for departure. I sat down in one of the empty seats, placing my duffle bag at my feet. My fingers twitched impatiently, the hairs on my arms rising. Fear and anxiety had become my closest companions this past week. They followed me around, their silky voices hissing in my ears.
I could feel the handle of the seat crunch beneath my death grip. I only released it as the bus pulled out of the terminal and headed towards the highway. I purposefully averted my eyes, ignoring the large crack I had caused on the handle.
Three hours, three hours of nothing but silence. Dull music played through the speakers of the bus. My cheek pressed against the cool window, a poor attempt at stilling my nerves. Just as my eyes began to close and sleep began to take me, a noise close by startled me.
Walking down the narrow aisle was a young-looking guy, his dark eyes locked on mine. His hands brushed against the scratchy material of each seat until he reached the one I currently occupied. A slew of thoughts ran through my mind, all driven by paranoia. Did Sebastian send this guy? Did he know I had left? Did Krystal tell what she saw?
“Of course not,” I thought to myself dryly. “It hasn’t even been an hour. They probably think I’m asleep.”
The guy stopped once he reached my seat, his dark eyes looking down on me. He was good looking in a rugged sort of way. His hair was a light shade of brown, wavy and just barely grazing his broad shoulders. Normally a guy like this would send a rush of butterflies swarming through me, but I felt nothing. Only two faces popped into mind. Identical features, full lips, long lashes, sharp jawlines. This guy had nothing on Ethan and Kieran. With great force, I willed the two of them from my mind and ignored the sharp pain that ran through my chest. Thinking of them would only cause me unneeded pain.
“Mind if I sit here?” The guy grinned softly, showing just a hint of his blinding smile.
“Sure,” I mumbled, unsure if he could hear me.
The guy sat in the seat beside me, cramming his backpack between his legs. Whatever kind of cologne he was wearing swirled around me, filling my nose. It was a pleasant smell, woodsy with a hint of something sweet. Another sharp pain rattled me, reminding me I had smelled better.
“I’ve been on this bus for four hours now.” The guy chuckled, giving a tired shake of his head. I watched from the corner of my eye as his wavy hair shook and tickled against his shoulders. “You seem like you could use some company.”
“Where are you coming from?” I found myself asking, purely to get my mind off everything else. My voice was stronger than I expected it to be. While I felt weak inside, my voice conveyed not an ounce of fear or worry.
“Florida,” the guy chuckled. It was then I noticed his tanned skin, gold and kissed by the sun. “It’s been a long ride. Hell, I still got more to go. Where are you headed to?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I chuckled dryly. “I’m still figuring that bit out.”
“You look a little young to be riding the bus by yourself,” the guy smirked, his chocolate eyes playful.
“I’m nineteen if that makes you feel better,” I shrugged, the lie leaving my lips effortlessly. Lying had become something I was good at.
Liar, liar, liar.
The word rang out in my head, filling my stomach with guilt.
“I’m just messing with you, but I do feel a little better.” The guy chuckled, flashing me a million-watt smile. A smile like that would’ve sent blush rushing to my face, instead it had no effect.
“What brings you all the way from Florida?” I asked, though part of me felt guilty for even engaging. I didn’t care who he was or what brought him here. I just needed a distraction from my own anxiety.
“Visiting my mom. My dad’s sick and she needed my help.” He shrugged, his lips twitching into a frown. “I’m taking the year off from college anyway, so I don’t mind lending a hand.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I cringed inwardly at how insincere I sounded, my words clipped and hard. “Do you like Florida?”
“Oh, I love it. The heat, the sun, the ocean. The storms are a downer, but you can’t have everything.” He chuckled, seemingly unbothered by my tone.
“I’ve never been to the ocean before,” I murmured, wondering if I could catch a flight somewhere near the coast. Despite living in California for most of my life, I had never stepped foot on a beach. When I lived with my grandma, we were too far from the ocean to make the drive, and it never seemed important until now.
“Never been to the ocean?” He scoffed, placing a hand over his heart as if I had personally offended him. “Have you lived in Georgia your entire life? There are beaches in Georgia.”
“I used to live in California but never had the chance to go to the beach.” I chuckled dryly.
“Have you thought about heading back to California?” he asked, his brown eyes pooling with curiosity and sincerity.
“I actually haven’t.” I shrugged. “It’s a long trip, and there are too many memories there.”
What I didn’t mention was that if anyone looked for me, California would be the first place they would search. Lauren wouldn’t hesitate to tell Sebastian I used to live there. California was too obvious. I wanted to live somewhere no one knew my name.
“I understand that.” He nodded, and I believed him. His eyes held a shadow within them, one that felt oddly familiar. “My name’s Josh, by the way.”
“Sarah.” I nodded, another lie.
Liar, liar, liar.
Another surge of guilt washed over me, Kat’s face popping into my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take for the overwhelming emotions to fade. When would my guilt fade? When would the cruel voice in the back of my mind silence?
“Well, Sarah, I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Josh smiled, one that held a similar pain. Some small part of me wondered what ghosts haunted him, what the cruel voice in his own mind might whisper.
“I do too,” I murmured, forcing my mind to part from the past and think towards the future.
Josh accompanied me all the way to Atlanta. I did most of the listening as Josh talked, telling me about his life. He was heading to North Virginia, to his mom’s small ranch house. He had traveled to Florida for college, the waves calling his name. He had even participated in a few surfing competitions, earning second place in one of them. I learned a lot about Josh, yet refused to give much about myself.
When he asked me what hobbies I had, I stumbled into uncomfortable silence. What hobbies did I have? School, homework, working, saving money. These were not hobbies, not enjoyable activities. The realization hit me like a punch in the stomach. I had no hobbies, no passions. There was nothing I truly enjoyed doing. I never had the time or security to explore the things I cared for.
Such a simple question caused such turmoil within me.
Once we reached the terminal and hopped off the cramped bus, I asked Josh to call a cab for me. After wiping away the confusion on his face, he pulled out his phone. I lied again, claiming my phone battery had died and my charger was left at home.
Josh gave me a reassuring smile and a wave as I got into the cab. I returned his wave but couldn’t force a smile. Part of me wondered if I would ever smile again.
“Of course, I will,” I scoffed to myself, the silence in the cab deafening. “I need to feel secure and safe first. Happiness will come later.”
I told myself that lie all the way to the Atlanta International Airport.