271

My mind wandered to Valentina, to her admission.
I had chosen a married woman because I did not want the burden of being with a virgin, because I knew I could not be what an inexperienced woman needed. A gentle lover who held them in his arms while whispering words of adoration in their ear .
The man capable of that kind of thing had died with Carla. That man had existed only because of Carla.
It was not in my nature to be kind or loving, now less than ever.
A still depraved part of me, the part I hid behind expensive clothes and a mask of absolute control, rejoiced at the knowledge of Valentina’s innocence. That part of me wanted to claim her.
I fought the desire, clung to my outward control, when I knew it was a losing battle. I wanted Valentina, wanted her as most men would want a woman of her beauty and inexperience. I wanted to possess and corrupt her. I had not been with a woman since I had married Valentina, and even before that my visits with prostitutes had been rare. My body was screaming to break free, and not only of my desire, also of the pent-up rage boiling in my veins.
But Valentina was my wife and deserved better than anger sex. I knew I would not be able to give her much more.
After two cups of black coffee, I hid in my office again the next morning. I had never avoided anyone. It was not in my nature. I thrived on conflict.
My eyes darted to the frame with a picture of Carla. I grabbed it. These past few days, my nights had been less filled with the memory of her last breath. Instead, fantasies of affirming Valentina had occupied my nights.
Valentina opened the door.
I quickly put down the frame. “What are you doing here?”
My voice was harsh.
Valentina froze for a moment before straightening her shoulders. “This is my house too, isn’t it?”
“Of course it is, but this is my office and I need to work.”
“You always do. I wanted to see if you were okay.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Why? Because you acted very strange yesterday. One moment you touch me and the next you can’t get away from me fast enough.”
If only he knew. “You don’t know anything about me, Valentina.”
“I do, and I want to change that, but you keep pushing me away.”
My eyes darted back to Carla. “I never wanted to get married again. For good reason.”
“I didn’t ask you to marry me!” Valentina blurted out, surprising me with her unbridled anger, so unbridled and exhilarating.
She turned sharply and ran away, closing the door so forcefully that a book fell off the shelf.
Like an awakened hunter, I chased after her and grabbed her wrist.
“You have an impossible temper.”
Her eyes squinted and, fuck, I wanted to sink my cock inside her right in the middle of the hallway.
“It’s your fault.”
“This marriage has always been for practical reasons.
I told you that.”
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t try to make it a real marriage. There are no logical reasons why we shouldn’t sleep together. You’ve slept with prostitutes, so why can’t you sleep with me?”
His eyes filled with confusion and pain. Valentina was young and in some ways naive, although she often posed as sophisticated. “Because I was angry and wanted to fuck someone. I wanted it hard and violent. I wasn’t looking for closeness or tenderness or whatever you want. I took all the pleasure I wanted, and then I left. What you’re looking for, I can’t give you. The part that was capable of it died with my wife, and it’s not coming back.”
Valentina approached. “You don’t know what I want.
Maybe we want the same thing.”
“I see in your eyes that this is not true. You want to make love, but I can’t give it to you. I want to possess you, I want to possess every part of you, but not for the reasons you want. I am a heartless bastard, Valentina. Don’t try to see anything else in me. The suit and the emotionless face are the thin layer covering the fucking abyss that is my soul and my heart. Don’t try to glimpse underneath, you won’t like what you find.”
I let her go and returned to my office.
Getting the job done was out of the question after our discussion. All I could think about was Valentina.
When there was a knock around dinnertime, I expected Valentina to ask if I wanted to eat with her. The moment I opened the door, I knew that was not why she was there. Under the silky fabric of her bathrobe she was naked.
“May I come in?”
I stepped back and went to the desk, moving away from my wife, even though my insides were screaming at me to rip off the last piece of clothing.
Strengthening my expression, I asked, “What’s going on?”
“I’ve made a decision.”
“About what?”
Valentina opened her robe, revealing a body straight out of my darkest fantasies. Valentina was tall and slender with seductive, swaying hips. A small patch of dark hair covered her sex. “About us. Of sex.”
My groin stiffened but I struggled to look away. “You should leave.”
“Don’t turn your back on me. Look at me. I think I deserve at least that little bit of decency, Dante.”
He knew nothing.
“Am I your wife?”
“Of course you are.” Which was part of the problem. If she had been a woman, I would have fucked her by now.
“Then claim your rights, Dante. Make me yours.”
My gaze followed her nipples, imagining tasting them, sucking them as I pounded into her.
“I have needs, too. Would you rather I found a lover to relieve you of the burden of touching me?”
A raw jealousy ran through me. “No,” I growled, moving closer to Val. The need to possess her filled me, almost impossible to suppress.
Valentina pressed her naked body against mine.
I grabbed her, touching the warm skin of her back. The desire in her eyes was a trickling stream compared to the raging T sunami of my hunger for her. Valentina pushed herself up to kiss me, but I did not lower my head.
Hurt, she staggered away and fled my office.
She did not deserve this. I lowered my gaze to my white-knuckled fist, then to the bulge in my pants. Who the hell was I kidding? I was not a good man. I could take anything I wanted, so why was I depriving myself when Valentina was willing? I wanted her, and Valentina wanted me. I had always prided myself on my control, so why was I so afraid of losing it to her?
Without thinking about it, I went in search of my wife.
I still wasn’t sure what I would do once I saw her, if I finally listened to the roaring voice in my body asking me to claim her .
I opened the bedroom door and found Valentina on the bed. Her robe spread wide, her legs slightly apart, and her long, elegant fingers caressing her pussy. She let out a moan that I felt in every damn fiber of my body and I inhaled , knowing that the battle I had been fighting for the past few weeks was lost.
There was no use trying to stop the unstoppable.
Tonight I was going to make her mine.
Valentina opened her eyes in shock. She snatched her hand away, closed her robe and tried to get out of bed.
I moved without thinking, barring her way.
She looked at me shocked, her fingers still pressed together on the robe, depriving me of her wonderful body. “No,” I said , beyond the pulsing desire in my body.
I bent over her, forcing her back, and she relented, lying back and looking at me with huge eyes. She smelled delicious and finally her hand let go of the robe, letting it fall open, uncovering herself to me. I bent down even more. This woman was mine, every inch of her. Soon I would bury myself in her.
I supported my weight on one arm and spread Valentina’s legs apart with my knee. Her folds glistened with arousal, and for a second I longed to undo my pants and take her right away. Maybe then she would realize what kind of man I was.
I took her breast, feeling her nipple harden against my palm. Valentina was so damn responsive, so ready to be taken. I pinched her nipple, a warning and a promise, trying to see if she could really take what she was going to get. If she understood that this would not be lovemaking, that this would be my claim, my snatching her innocence . Valentina arched with a moan and I was lost. I tugged at her nipple, forcing her to moan more from her parted lips. Her eyes were on my face, full of need and surprise.
She rocked her hips with each tug of her nipple. This excited her, made her wet. It was obvious how untrained her body was, how willing to submit to pleasure.
I was going to show her so much of it. Her nipple was red from my care and I could resist no longer. I bent down and sucked the silky knot into my mouth, enjoying how hard it was from excitement.
Valentina pulled up, needing more, demanding that I give her what she needed. But she should have learned that we only played by my rules. I grabbed her hips and pushed her against the bed. She moved her pussy against my knee and I tightened my grip further. Her hot center against my knee made me want to stop the slow approach.
I bit her nipple with my teeth to warn her and Valentina moaned, tugging her pussy against me again.
My eyes focused on her face, on the innocent surrender in her expression. She submitted to me, trusted me. I reached her knee and opened her legs wider. There was no resistance. Her body was ready and seemed more than willing, but I forced myself to say, “Tell me now if you want it.”
Valentina’s chest heaved. The realization flashed in her eyes that it was over. I half hoped, half feared she would say no. “I do.”
“Good” . I turned my attention to her other nipple, teasing it with my tongue as my fingers found her dripping center. I pressed on her clit and Valentina exploded instantly , screaming and shaking. She was so fucking wet, so hot and the sounds that dripped from her lips went to my cock. She was like a firecracker. Valentina rolled her eyes almost defiantly. Oh, I’d love to make her submit to me in bed.
I lowered my fingers until they grazed her opening and then began to enter her. She was incredibly tight and discomfort flashed across her beautiful face. I kept pushing into her until my fingers were buried inside her, then I forced myself to wait a moment for her to adjust even though it was the last thing I wanted.
The moment her walls softened their crushing grip, I began to fuck her gently with my fingers, giving her time to stretch and prepare for what was to come.
“You are incredibly tight. I can’t wait to be inside you.” I barely recognized my own voice, so steeped in desire.
Valentina came again and I could barely hold back a moan.
I pulled my fingers out. They were slippery from her arousal.
She was ready for me. She had to be because I couldn’t hold back any longer. I didn’t want to.
I shrugged off my jacket before undoing my belt.
“You’re hard,” Valentina said surprised as she looked at the tent in my pants.
“I’m capable of getting an erection. I’m not impotent.”
Her fascinated look almost made me laugh, and I was glad for Valentina’s words because they reminded me that she was a young woman, my wife, who deserved any bit of tenderness I could spare.
“That’s not what I meant. But I thought you were not attracted to my body,” she said.
How could she still believe that? So dangerously unaware when it came to detecting a man’s desire. “Don’t worry. Your body would leave few members of the male species unscathed.”
I shed my pants and boxers. It had been almost two months since I had last been with a woman and I could wait no longer, not when Valentina lay in front of me with her legs spread, waiting for me to claim my right.
“Move over,” I ordered, although I realized I should have chosen gentler words, but I warned her. I gave her a thrust with the tip, stifling a moan at her boiling arousal. Her walls gripped me tightly as I began to thrust inside. Valentina stiffened further and cried out in pain. Despite my dark hunger and the fierce throbbing of my cock, the sound of her discomfort was like a balm for the fire in my veins, reminding me once again that it was my responsibility. I paused, waiting for Valentina to relax, a sign that she could take more of me. Her green eyes met mine, full of nervousness and confidence. She grabbed me by the shoulders and nodded. The permission I needed.
I pushed all the way in with a sharp thrust, forcing her walls to surrender. Valentina pressed herself against me, her lips thinned in pain.
Pleasure pulsed heavily through my balls and cock.
I could not remember feeling like this, if ever. “Tell me when I can move.”
“All right.”
I began to fuck her slowly. Each thrust pushed me closer to release. Staring at Valentina’s dazed, sweaty face only increased my pleasure. The primal satisfaction of being first inside her filled me. This should have been just fucking, but when I looked down at the woman beneath me, it felt like more than just using Valentina for pleasure. Being close to her physically made me feel good in unexpected ways. Acting on impulse, I kissed Valentina when I came. For a blink, I allowed myself to taste her, with my eyes closed. When I opened them , catching Valentina’s hopeful expression, I quickly pulled away. I did not want her to have any illusions about something I could not give her.
After making sure she was all right, I left the room without looking at her undoubtedly hurt face.
It was dishonorable to leave my wife like that after our first time together, after her first time, but the force of my guilt and confusion drove me to seek isolation. I needed time to think, time to calm down.
Zita cast me a curious glance as I walked past her on my way to the office.
Once the door closed behind me, I staggered back to my desk and dropped into my chair. My gaze landed on Carla’s picture. A new wave of guilt swept over me. Running my fingers through my hair, I put the frame down, unable to bear my late wife’s eyes on me.
Another emotion mingled with the guilt of betraying Carla: the guilt of how I had treated Valentina. She had done nothing wrong. Remembering the way she had given herself to me only minutes earlier only added to the weight on my conscience. I let myself fall back in my chair.
As a rational man, I knew it was unreasonable to feel obligated toward a dead woman when I had a breathing, feeling woman I should care for.
Yet, here I was, torn between the present and the past.
I took the frame, opened a desk drawer, then hesitated before finally placing it back inside and closing the drawer.
This would not silence the past. My fingers lingered on the handle. With a sigh, I leaned against the backrest and closed my eyes.