200

Aria and Gianna helped me with my dress. It was white, of course, with a veil following me. I wore my hair down because Benito had wanted me to.
“You look beautiful,” Aria said from behind me.
I checked my reflection but could only see the expression of utter despair in my eyes. I would have needed the veil to hide from the world. Gianna and Aria did not know about my last conversation with Father, and it was for the best. If they had known how scared I was, they would have taken me away despite the risk to their own lives.
“This is shit,” muttered Gianna. She touched my shoulder. “Lily, get out of here. Let us help you.
What’s the point of being married to the Chief and Family Adviser if we can’t force them to start a war over our little sister? You will be miserable.”
“Luca said I could get rid of Benito in a few months when he no longer looks suspicious.”
Gianna huffed. “Oh, sure, and until then? My God, could Luca be even more of an asshole?”
Aria said nothing, which was a sign in itself.
She usually always tried to defend Luca.
“Are you and Luca still fighting?” I asked.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I wouldn’t call it arguing.
We are basically ignoring each other. He’s mad at me because I kept you and Romero from him, and I’m mad at him because he made you marry Brasci.”
“He is not forcing me, Aria. My father is doing that. Luca is acting like a Chief should. I am not his responsibility, but the Family is.”
“My goodness, Romero has really rubbed off on you.
Please tell me you don’t really believe what you just said,” Gianna said.
“I don’t want you to risk everything for me.”
Gianna touched her forehead in exasperation. “We want to risk it for you. But you have to let us.”
Even if I had said “yes” now, what could they have done? Luca and Matteo would not have helped us, not when they were surrounded by Outfit soldiers. That would have been suicide. And Romero? He would have done it without hesitation and gotten himself killed. My father’s words flashed through my mind again. No, I had to do it . It was the only option.
Someone knocked and a moment later Maria peeped in. She was one of my bridesmaids, although we were still not talking much. “You have to come out now.”
She disappeared before I had time to say anything.
“I can’t believe my father is married to her,” Gianna said.
“I don’t like it but I still feel sorry for her. My father is a bastard.”
I barely listened. My vision was turning gray. Fear filled my bloodstream, made me want to run away. But I held my head high and pulled the veil down over my face. “We should go now.”
“Lily,” Aria began but I did not give her time to finish what she wanted to say. I hurried to the door and opened it, surprised to find Father standing right in front of it.
I had not expected him to be waiting for me there. I knew he would lead me to the altar, but usually fathers waited in the antechamber.
Maybe he was afraid I would run away at the last minute.
“Here you go. Hurry up,” he said. He cast a stern look at Gianna as she and Aria passed but said nothing. He held out his arm to me. An image of him with Maria leapt into my mind and I wanted to vomit. I put my hand on his forearm and let him lead me toward the main part of the church, even though every fiber of my being wanted to get away from him. Inside the church, music was already playing. Before we entered, Father leaned toward me. “You had better convince Benito that you are a virgin or he will beat you to death, and if he doesn’t I will.” He did not wait for my answer. We walked through the double doors and all eyes turned toward us.
My feet felt like lead as I walked toward the altar.
Benito was waiting for me at the end, with a proud smile on his face , as if he could finally present his prey to everyone.
Despite the risk, my eyes scanned the crowd until they stopped on Romero. He was leaning against the wall on the right, with an unreadable expression on his face. I tried to meet his gaze, even though it would have made the walk even more difficult, but Romero did not even give me a glance. He was completely focused on Aria, who was playing the part of his bodyguard.
I returned my attention to the front, hoping no one had noticed the detour my gaze had taken.
In the spot where my mother should have been standing was Maria, hunched shoulders, pale skin, sad eyes; Perhaps she thought no one was looking at her because it was the first time she was not showing courage. It was a glimpse of how I would appear shortly thereafter. I looked up at Father. He, on the other hand, looked rejuvenated, as if his marriage to a girl in his early twenties had allowed him to lose some of his years. Did he not miss Mother at all? He should have been by her side for my wedding. My eyes sought Romero again. I could not stop. And Romero should have been the one waiting for me at the altar. We reached the end of the aisle and Father handed me over to Benito.
Old man’s fingers tightened around my hand, sweaty and too firm.
Father lifted my veil and for a moment I feared that my disgust and unhappiness were clear as day, but from the expression on Benito’s face, he did not seem to notice or care. I did not listen to the priest as he began the sermon. It took all my strength to keep myself from looking over my shoulder, searching for Romero once again.
As the priest and the assembled guests waited for my “I do,” I thought about saying “no” for a brief moment. This was my last chance, my last way out before I was stuck forever on a highway to misery, or at least until I found a way to get rid of my husband. Was I capable of such a thing? I couldn’t even swat a fly when it bothered me.
To simply say “no.” I wondered how people would react if I refused to marry Benito.
Benito would have been furious, and so would Father. But my sisters and Romero, they would have understood, probably would have fought against everyone else to protect me. Benito cleared his throat beside me and I realized how long I had not said anything. I quickly said what everyone expected, even when the words tasted sour. “Yes, I do.”
“You may kiss the bride.”
Benito grabbed my waist. I stiffened but did not push him away. His rough lips pressed against mine. I could taste the cigars. I pulled my head away and turned toward our guests with a forced smile. Benito gave me a disapproving look but I ignored it. If he had known how much restraint it had taken not to push him away, he would not have been angry with me for interrupting our kiss a little too soon.
Taking my hand, he led me down the aisle. My eyes darted toward Romero but he was gone. I searched the whole church, without finding him. He probably hated me now that he had seen me kiss Benito and wanted nothing to do with me. Would I ever see him again?
Romero, I should never have come to Chicago. Watching Lily striding down the aisle toward Benito, I felt as if someone was crushing my heart under a boot. I wanted nothing more than to stick my knife into Benito’s eye very slowly, to see the light leave him, to hear his last gasping breath. I wanted to skin him alive, wanted to give him more pain than any man had ever endured.
I looked away from Lily and focused on Aria, as I should have done. She looked at me and gave me an understanding smile. I did not react. I turned off my emotions as I had learned to do in the first years after my initiation, when seeing people killed or tortured still bothered me.
“You may kiss the bride.”
My eyes moved to the front of the church, where Benito Brasci, that fucker, had put his hands on Lily’s waist and was practically dragging her to his body. I saw red. I wanted to kill him. I moved away from the wall, turned around and walked out of the church. I did not run as I wanted to. I moved slowly, as if nothing was wrong. Fuck, what a fucking lie. Everything was wrong. The woman who should have been mine had just married an old bastard.
I headed straight for our rental car. I would wait there until it was time to drive to Brasci’s villa for the party.
*** Luca hardly ever fucking left my side at the wedding party.
He was probably afraid I would lose my mind with everyone. He wasn’t wrong. Every time I looked at Lily and Benito, something clicked in my brain. I couldn’t stop imagining pulling out my gun and putting a bullet in Benito’s head, and then one in Scuderi’s just in case. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t stop me fast enough.
Aria came toward me after dinner. I wasn’t sure if I could pity her, but I wasn’t going to send her away. She was just trying to be nice. “You don’t have to stay, you know ? Luca is here to protect me. It must be hard for you. Why don’t you go ahead and find a hotel? I’m sure you don’t want to spend the night under the same roof with Benito.”
Tonight. So far I had managed not to think too much about the wedding night. “No. I’m fine. I can handle it.”
Aria hesitated as if she wanted to say something else, but then returned to Luca.
As the party drew to a close, I felt more and more agitated. And then what I feared happened. Benito and Lily rose from their chairs to head to the master bedroom for their first night together. A crowd followed them, cheering and proposing what should happen that night. My pulse quickened and my fingers longed to reach under my vest.
I followed them, even though I knew it was the last thing I should do. I had always prided myself on my control, but I could feel it flowing through my fingers.
I knew I had told Lily I would accept her marriage. She had told me she did not want me. As a soldier in the New York Family it was my duty to put them first.
Wanting Lily could have meant war. No, it would have led to a fucking war. Dante Cavallaro was a calculating man, but his soldiers were waiting for an opportunity to tear us apart again. I had seen it in the eyes of many of them today. Things had gone steeply downhill between us in recent years. The honeymoon phase of our union had quickly petered out after Luke and Aria’s marriage, and now this was a marriage of convenience, one that both the Family and the Outfit wanted out of. The smallest infraction would have been enough to blow everything up.
Without realizing it I had followed the other guests into the hall. I noticed Lily’s dark blond hair at the top of the stairs, next to Benito’s bald head, and a crowd of other men around them. And then my feet started moving, my hand going to my gun, my temples pounding with rage. I had to push my way through the crowd and ignore the murmurs of protest. I couldn’t let that bastard Benito have her. Lily was mine and would always be mine. If that meant a fucking war, then so be it. I was going to spend until the end of my days chasing Russians, Taiwanese, and Outfit bastards if it meant I could keep her.
I accelerated and then Luca was suddenly in front of me. I stopped suddenly, breathing heavily. I had half a mind to hit him , but resisted the impulse. If I had made a scene surrounded by so many people, I might have blown it. Luca grabbed me by the shoulder and led me into an empty hallway.
He pushed me against the wall, making my ears ring, then let me go.
“Damn it!” he growled and grabbed my shoulder again. “She’s not yours. She’s a married woman now.”
“She never wanted any of this,” I said abruptly and shook Luca’s hand. “It should have been me next to her at the altar.”
“But I wasn’t. It’s too late Romero. This is Chicago.
We’re not going to start a fucking war because you can’t keep it in your pants.”
I got right in his face. “This is much more than that and you know it.”
“I don’t care, Romero. You saw Liliana walk down that aisle and now you have to accept the consequences.
She did her duty and so should you. Go to your room and get some sleep. Don’t do anything stupid.”
Luke was the Chief. It was his job to look after the best of the Family, but at that moment I wanted to kill him. I had never wanted to kill my Chief. “Yes, Chief.”
Luca grabbed my arm. “I mean it. This is a direct order. I’m not going to war over this. I warned you how this would end a long time ago, but you didn’t listen.”
“I won’t do anything,” I blurted out. Even I wasn’t sure if that was the truth or if I was lying. I still hadn’t made up my mind.