Gianna I looked out the window of my hotel room. It was dinner time but I was not hungry. I had not left the room since I had checked in this morning. Has freedom always felt so lonely?
My phone beeped with a message. It was from Aria.
Matteo collapsed again. She is unconscious.
I called her immediately, my heart pounding in my chest. She answered after the first ring. “Where is she?” I asked.
“At our house. She’s in the guest room. The doctor says he has to stay in bed. He overexerted himself right after the accident.
“I’m on my way.”
“You are?” asked Aria in a hopeful voice.
“YES. Tell Luca to get used to my presence again.
I could practically hear Aria smiling. “I knew it.” She paused. “I’ll send Sandro to you.”
“No, I’ll take a cab. I’ll be there soon.”
When I got to the apartment, Luca barred my way.
“What are you doing here?”
“I want to see Matteo,” I said. And I didn’t care if I had to knock Luca out to do it.
Luca glared at him. “Go the fuck away.”
“Luca, please,” Aria whispered.
I tried to walk past Luca but he wouldn’t let me. “Let me see my husband.”
“Matteo can’t take advantage of the emotional stress right now. You leaving and then coming back will not help his recovery,” Luca growled. I had a feeling his words would have been much worse if Aria had not been beside him. “If you stay now, you will stay forever. I’m done with your games.”
“I won’t leave anymore.”
Luca gave me a doubtful look but took a step back. I didn’t hesitate. I rushed toward the guest room and hurried inside. Matteo was asleep. I lay down beside him, determined to watch over him until he opened his eyes.
Matteo A soft hand clasped mine. I opened my eyes, blinking a few times to clear my vision. I felt like a total idiot for passing out. Fuck it. I had already been shot, stabbed, and even burned, and a stupid blow to the head had dropped me to my knees. It was a disgrace. I turned my head. Gianna was crouched beside me, her hand clutching mine. Her clothes were crumpled and her hair completely disheveled, as if she had been by my side for a while.
Her face was largely covered by her unruly hair. I felt an irresistible need to see her expression. Slowly, carefully, I sat up and swept some strands away with my free hand.
Gianna looked like a fucking angel in her sleep. Too beautiful to be real. Her thick eyelashes rested on her pale skin. I ran a fingertip over her high cheekbone, enjoying the softness of her skin. Her eyes fluttered under her eyelids and then opened. She blinked sleepily until her gaze finally focused on me.
I waited for her to let go of my hand and jump off the bed as if she had caught fire. At least I expected some ridiculous excuse as to why he was there, holding my hand. I doubted that Luca had dragged her back. She knew I didn’t want her to do that.
She did none of these things, however. Instead she sat up slowly, chasing away sleep and crinkling her eyes with the hand that was not holding mine. She looked around the room for something. “What time is it?”
I had no idea. I wasn’t even sure what day it was. “Are you asking me?”
She laughed once, then her expression stiffened.
“You scared me.”
“Did I? I guess I’m a scary guy.
Gianna did not smile. She was looking at me with an expression I had never seen on her face, vulnerable and open.
“I should never have accepted Luca’s offer. I was stubborn . I didn’t want to admit my feelings to myself. But when Aria called me to tell me you had collapsed again, I was terrified of losing you. She paused, tightening her fingers on my hand. I didn’t say anything; I didn’t know what to say. My general solution in emotional situations was humor, but it felt wrong to make a joke and I didn’t want to stop Gianna from saying whatever else she had to say.
She stared out the window, guilt marring her pretty face. “All I could think about when I wasn’t by your side after you collapsed was ‘what if I died and all I did was treat you badly and push you away.’ I acted like a big bitch. I’m sorry.”
I touched her cheek and moved closer. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Gianna. I actually enjoyed most of our discussions. They added entertainment to my days. I smiled and this time received a smile in return.
“You should be pissed, Matteo. You know what Luca offered me in return for saving your life, which I accepted. Why don’t you send me away? I would deserve it.”
I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t like the idea that Gianna had enthusiastically accepted Luca’s offer, but now she was here. It had taken a while but I finally understood that Gianna had to come to me alone. Gianna would never let anyone force her to admit her feelings. I touched the back of her head and pulled her to me. She did not resist and when her mouth touched mine, she wrapped her arms around my neck and made our kiss deeper. My hand slipped under her shirt, felt the soft skin of her stomach and moved higher.
Gianna stopped the exploration of my hand. “You need to rest. You passed out yesterday. I won’t let you overexert yourself.”
I giggled. “Come on. If you ride me, I won’t have to exert myself at all. You’ll do all the work.”
“Yeah, right,” he said. “I won’t risk your recovery at all. Luca would be so angry if I did something stupid. He hates me anyway. I don’t want to give him another reason to keep me away from you.
“Luca wouldn’t keep you from seeing me.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Yesterday he tried to keep me from coming here.”
“Why the fuck did he do that?” Annoyance overwhelmed me. Luca always had to play the Capotasto and give people orders.
“I guess he was worried about you,” Gianna reluctantly admitted. There was no love lost between her and my brother, so I was surprised by her admission. ” He didn’t want me to play with you. He thought it would be better if there was a clean break between us and I left your life forever.
“So what changed his mind?” I asked.
“Aria, I suppose.” “Of course,” I said, though I hoped there was another reason. I leaned against the headboard, ignoring the slight twinge in my head from the movement. I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look damn relaxed when I was anything but. “I’m okay now. I’m not going to die. You could leave now without feeling guilty.
Gianna looked at me for a long time without saying anything. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You accepted Luca’s offer, you said so yourself.” “I did it because Luca took me by surprise. You were dying right in front of me. We had barely survived a crash and the Russians’ madness, and suddenly I was offered something I thought I wanted. I hadn’t even thought about it before I said yes.
I nodded, but said nothing. I was tired of taking the first step, of always chasing Gianna. This time I wanted to hear something from her.
She sighed, her blue eyes tired. “You think I would have let you die if Luca hadn’t offered me a ticket to freedom, don’t you? That’s what everyone thinks, probably Aria too.”
I kept my expression neutral. “Isn’t that the truth?”
She looked at him. “No, it’s not the truth. When Luca mentioned his stupid offer to me, I had already started chest compressions. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I probably made all the mistakes I could, but I wasn’t just letting you die. I was doing everything I could even before Luca offered me freedom for your life. I was never going to let you die, ever. I know you don’t have to believe me. There is no reason why you should. For all you know, I could be lying.”
But I believed her. I could read people, and Gianna was not lying. I could tell how upset she was, more upset than I had seen her in a long time. “I don’t think you do.”
Gianna didn’t even seem to hear me. She was frowning in the direction of the window, her cheeks red with emotion. “I knew the moment I saw you lying in your own blood that I didn’t want to lose you. I knew it, but I didn’t want to admit it to anyone yet. I was so stupid and stubborn. I was being an asshole, Gianna, as usual. And once I accepted Luca’s offer I was too proud to tell him I didn’t even want his stupid freedom. I didn’t want to leave you , I didn’t want another life. I probably would have been miserable on my own, but too proud to admit it if you hadn’t broken down. I felt like I was giving up, like I was admitting defeat, which is so idiotic. How can love be a defeat?”
She fell silent, opening her eyes wide.
I had become motionless, like a hunter who does not want to frighten his prey.
She licked her lips nervously. I wished I knew what she was thinking, but I had a feeling I knew. She was probably regretting bringing up the ‘L word’ and everything else that had come her way. That’s who she was. Maybe she was waiting for me to say something first, to tell her I loved her, but I wasn’t going to open my damn heart to her and risk her stepping on it. I knew how I felt, I had known for a long time but I had never told her. I had never told anyone. Admitting such a thing made you vulnerable, and so far Gianna had given me little reason to risk such a thing. I had chased after her long enough. Now it was her turn. I would not push her in either direction. From then on everything would have to come from her. “Luca’s offer still stands. You are a free woman. You can walk out of this building and no one will stop you.”
“No,” she said firmly. “I’ve been running away from my emotions for too long.” She leaned on her palms and leaned forward. “I want to be with you, Matteo. By God, I know I shouldn’t want that, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m tired of ignoring my heart. I love you.”
He kissed me almost desperately as his hands sought their way through my hair. My head was still sore, but I would have rather slit my throat than tell Gianna to be careful. I wanted to feel her lips, her fingers, her body. I wanted all of her . “Are you sure you’re serious?” I asked in a singsong voice when she pulled back.
She nodded, “YES. There is no fucking doubt in my mind. I love you, Matteo. I don’t care what that makes me. I don’t care what others think of me, of us. I don’t even care what Aria and Luca think. All I care about is us.
I kissed her again. I couldn’t get enough of tasting her.
“I love you, Gianna. I’ve loved you for a long fucking time.”