178

Gianna Aria kept casting glances at me, her pale eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Are you sure you don’t need to see the doctor?”
“I’m fine, really,” I blurted, then felt guilty. Aria had always been on my side. She had done so much for me in the past year, even going against Luca. “Sorry. I’m exhausted.”
The smell of smoke and blood lingered in my nose, a vivid echo of previous events.
“It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot,” Aria said softly.
My thoughts returned to Matthew. I hoped he was okay. He was tough, but he had lost a lot of blood. Maybe I should have let Aria drive me to the hospital to make sure he was okay. I wanted to be with him, wanted to be there when he woke up and hold his hand while he was unconscious.
I wanted to tell him I was tired of the games, tired of pretending I didn’t care about him when I had already lost my heart to him. It was useless to try to lie to myself. I knew I would learn to love Matthew, even his arrogance and his shark-like smile. He was still a bad man, a murderer and a criminal, but now I knew I was not much better off. I had no doubt that I would have been like Matthew if I had been raised like him and not been protected from life like all the women in our world. It was an ugly truth, one I would rather deny, but it was the truth, and it was time to admit it and admit the life I was obviously destined to live. The words lay on the tip of my tongue.
“You can take a quick shower and then I’ll help you pack.”
“Oh, sure,” I said distractedly. Pride had always been my problem, even now that I knew it only hurt me, and Matthew.
Aria looked in my direction. “Luca will keep his word. You don’t have to worry. He has never broken his promise. And he knows I would never forgive him if he lied. You will be free.”
Free? What was the value of freedom if it meant ignoring what my heart wanted? “I know.”
“You don’t look happy.”
I was not happy. But why? For months I had wanted nothing more than to find a way out of this marriage, this life, this world, and now that I had finally gotten my wish, I felt nothing. How could I lie to myself for so long? And why couldn’t I admit it, especially to the outside world? Why did I have the feeling that admitting I loved Matthew was the ultimate defeat? “I am still recovering from the accident. That’s all,” I said on autopilot. I wondered how long that lie would work.
Aria did not seem convinced but did not insist . I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes; I had no desire to converse. I needed to get my emotions in order as soon as possible, but the excruciating headache certainly did not make the task easy.
I must have dozed off because suddenly Aria woke me up with a nudge and we were parked in the underground garage. She gave me an encouraging smile and for some reason it made me feel terrible. I quickly got out of the car , unable to meet Aria’s compassionate gaze. I rushed toward the elevator, a few times risking tripping over my feet. Aria caught up with me and lowered the elevator by pressing a button. “What’s the rush? You don’t have to worry about Matteo coming home while we’re still packing. They will probably keep him in the hospital overnight.
He looked really bad.
I leaned against the cold wall of the elevator. Did Aria really think this would cheer me up? Was I such a horrible bitch that people thought I was happy that someone was seriously injured?
Of course they did. Luca had thought he had to offer me a ticket to freedom so I wouldn’t let his brother die. In his mind I was nothing but a selfish, heartless bitch. And judging by Aria’s words, she agreed with him.
My throat tightened. Maybe they were right. “I’m not worried,” I said calmly. It was easier to play the part everyone expected of me.
Aria nodded, but she did not stop looking at me. We were facing each other and I could see my reflection behind her in the mirror. We could not have been more different. Aria with her gentle expression, angel hair, porcelain skin and blue eyes; the epitome of purity.
And it looked like I had risen from hell with my messy red hair, clothes and skin covered in blood and dark shadows under my eyes. When we entered the apartment I shared with Matthew from our marriage, I quickly ran to the master bedroom and from there to the adjacent bathroom. Perhaps a quick shower would help calm my heart. Luca’s offer was my last chance, I knew. If I followed my heart and stayed with Matteo instead, then that would be that. I had to let my brain make this decision.
After the shower I still didn’t feel better but at least I had made up my mind. Aria was sitting on the bed and texting on the phone when I entered the bedroom.
“Has Luca told you about Matteo?” I asked immediately, my throat already tight and panic flooding me. I should have gone with Matteo. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe.
“He’s fine. Apparently it was just a concussion and a few broken ribs.” Finally he looked up and quickly approached me. “You look pale.”
I swallowed. Matteo would be fine. Slowly my panic subsided.
“You’re really worried about him, aren’t you? Why don’t you just admit it? You can trust me, Gianna, you know .
“Of course I worry. I’m not made of stone. I don’t want anything to happen to him. I care about him, whether you believe it or not.
“But not enough to stay?” asked Aria.
I wasn’t sure what to say. All my well-thought-out plans in the shower seemed to crumble in front of me again. “I need to lie down for a while, I think. Or should we leave soon?”
Aria shook her head. “No, Luca will take Matteo to our penthouse when he wakes up, so you won’t cross his path if you stay here. And it’s late anyway. Get some sleep.”
I grabbed some clean clothes and put them on before lying down on the covers. I could hear Aria close the door and then silence reigned around me.
It was already clear when I woke up. I was alone in the bedroom. I quickly got out of bed and left the room, almost expecting to find Matthew in the kitchen. He wasn’t.
Aria was there. She typed something into the phone before handing me a cup of coffee. “How are you feeling?”
“Where is Matteo? Is he okay? Is he still in the hospital?” “He’s fine. He’s in the penthouse and sleeping off his concussion.” “Oh right. He’s at your house. That makes sense.”
“Gianna, you don’t have to leave, you understand that, right? It’s okay to stay with Matteo.
I stared at her. It was okay, wasn’t it? It’s okay to love a man like him, it’s okay to accept life in the mob.
The elevator stopped with a sound and Luca stepped out , staring at me with a cold gaze. I had to suppress a shiver.
This was what hate looked like, and I imagined he had every reason to hate me. Sandro was a couple of steps behind him like a good little dog.
“I hope you’ve packed your bags. I want you out of this apartment as soon as possible.”
“Luca,” Aria hissed. “It’s not fair.”
For once he failed to warm her cold heart. “NO. That bitch needs to get as far away from my brother as possible. I want her to leave. She has ruined his life for too long already.”
I stared at him, but deep down I wondered if he was right. Of course, I would never admit it. “I know you think Matthew deserves better than me. But let me tell you something. Aria deserves better, too. She is too good and pure and kind for you. You are not even worth the dirt under her shoes. She is too loving and kind to see it, but I do. You think I destroyed Matthew’s life, but I never had a choice in the matter. I did not want to marry him. You, on the other hand, chose to marry Aria. You chose to destroy his life with your darkness. So get off your high horse, you bastard. You don’t deserve her and you never will.”
Aria’s knuckles turned white from her grip on Luca’s wrist. He could have easily shrugged it off, but he did not move . “I know,” she said in a steely voice. “But the difference between you and me is that I’m trying to be a better man for her. But you never tried. You were always happy to be a bitch.”
Aria gasped. “Luca, please.”
“NO. She’s right. I am a bitch and I’m leaving now. Say hello to Matteo for me. Wow, spoken like a real bitch. It was too late to take those words back and I knew I would be too proud to do so anyway. I grabbed two of my suitcases that Aria must have taken downstairs before I woke up, and headed toward Sandro who grabbed my other suitcases and followed me to the elevator. I got in and faced Aria and Luca, my head held high. Luca’s look was unbridled hatred, but Aria was crying. She was pleading with me with her gaze and finally I couldn’t take it anymore and lowered my gaze to the floor. The doors closed and the elevator began to move. Sandro did not try to make conversation.
Every look he gave me spoke of disapproval. I wondered if Luca would have had me killed if not for Aria.
*** Sandro accompanied me to a hotel where I would stay until I found an apartment. I wasn’t even sure if I would stay in New York. Returning to Chicago was definitely out of the question . I would be dead within a week.
“Here. It’s five thousand dollars. Luca will contact you A soon with more details,” Sandro said as he parked in front of the hotel. A doorman opened my door. Sandro did not follow me when I got out of the car, he just gave the doorman information about the reservation. As soon as the concierge had taken my luggage out of the trunk, Sandro drove away leaving me alone. I followed the car with my eyes. No one was looking at me. I was free.
So why did freedom seem like my new prison?
Matthew “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Luca muttered as he followed me into my apartment.
“This is my home. I’m not an invalid. I won’t have another sleepover at your place,” I said. I was still dizzy, but I wasn’t about to admit it to Luca. I walked into my bedroom, Luca behind me. If he didn’t stop him soon, I would kick his ass.
I stopped in the center of the room. The drawers were ajar. I didn’t need to look at them to know they were empty.
“She left this morning,” Luca said.
“I know.”
I could feel Luca’s eyes on me. “You should stay with me and Aria. It’s almost Christmas. Do you want to spend the vacations sulking?”
“I don’t care about Christmas. And I’m not sulking. I’m supposed to rest, remember?” I pointed to my head, then walked over to the bed and lay down. “And I don’t want you to watch me sleep.”
“Tonight you will have dinner with me and Aria. I don’t care if I have to drag you to my attic, but you’ll be there .
I nodded. “Let me sleep.”
Finally he left. Of course I couldn’t sleep. My eyes darted to the dressing room with its empty shelves. Gianna was really gone, and this time I wasn’t going to hunt her down.