139

I sighed in his embrace, my eyes wide. “What did you do? But I thought she had died of cancer.
“She would have, yes. The doctors said there was nothing they could do for her. She was at home, drugged almost every day so she wasn’t in too much pain, but eventually even morphine didn’t help anymore. She asked me to help her, to free her from the horror that had become her life. She did not want to spend more weeks tied to her bed, unable to get out and wracked with pain. He paused and I cried openly, even though he couldn’t. I pressed my hand to his chest, trying to show him that it was okay, that I understood. “He wanted me to shoot her because he thought it would be easier for me, less personal. I couldn’t do that. Not like that. Not the same way I dealt with traitors and scum who weren’t even worth the dirt under her feet. I injected her with insulin and she fell asleep in my arms and never woke up.”
“I didn’t know. I was always told that she died because her organs finally failed.”
Her eyes rested on me, dark and troubled. He ran his thumb under my eyes, wiping away my tears. “It was what I wanted. I never told anyone.”
I shivered against him, too overwhelmed to say anything. I sank my face into his neck, seeking his warmth and scent.
His hand gently caressed my stomach. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have pushed you so hard.”
“Val, you didn’t push me. When I married you, I made a vow to take care of you and try to be a good husband, and I don’t take my vows lightly. I am an honorable man, yet I have not kept the promises I made to you.
“Why did you agree to marry if you knew how difficult it would be for you?”
“My father wanted me to get married, and I knew I was starting to look weak because I couldn’t get away from Carla, so I did what I thought was best for my claim to power.
You seemed like the perfect choice.”
The way he said it sounded like I wasn’t, but I didn’t interrupt him.
“I thought you would be reluctant to allow intimacy so soon after the death of your first husband.”
Antony’s mention constricted my throat but I swallowed. “I would have if we had been in love or had anything like a real marriage.”
“I’m not blaming you for wanting something real after the way Antonio used you. Which makes it even worse that you married another man who used you for his own purposes.
He emitted a low sigh.
“So when you decided to marry me, you never intended to sleep with me?”
Dante laughed darkly. “I am not so honorable. No, I thought I would consummate our marriage and then sleep with you whenever I felt like it, without any kind of emotional attachment.
“Then why didn’t you sleep with me on our wedding night or in the days following?”
“I wanted to. When I took you to my bedroom on my wedding night, I wanted nothing more than to rip off your dress and bury myself in you. I was angry. I wanted to fuck you until I got that anger out of my system, but then you came out of the bathroom in that modest silk nightgown looking every bit the lady, and my wife, you were , and you had that fucking hopeful, insecure look in your eyes, and I knew I couldn’t use you that way.
My lips parted in surprise. “Did you suspect that I had never slept with a man?”
Dante shook his head. “NO. I could tell that you were inexperienced in your advances and your attempts to seduce me , but I imagined that your first husband had been dominant in the bedroom and had not let you take the incentive, even if it did not match my assessment of Antonio.
“Was I that bad in trying to seduce you?” I asked with a small, embarrassed laugh. It was amazing to talk to Dante like that, so openly, and to be in his arms without him trying to pull away was even better.
Dante’s lips curved into a wry smile. “I am a man who takes pride in his self-control. Believe me, most men would not have been able to resist your charm. To be honest, when I found out I was going to be your first, I had even more difficulty holding myself back. It’s probably a male thing, but I wanted to claim you.”
“That sounds very animalistic.”
“E. Before I married you, I didn’t want an inexperienced bride, but once I learned the truth about you, I had a hard time thinking of anything else but making you mine.
Dante’s eyes darted to my round belly where his hand still rested. “And the knowledge that you are carrying my child makes me proud, even though it is not really something that should arouse that idea in me. After all, it’s no great accomplishment to get your wife pregnant.
I shook my head with a smile that slowly faded on my lips as my eyes sought Dante’s. “I love this. I love talking to you like a real husband and wife. Please don’t back down again. I can’t go back to being lonely.”
Dante grabbed my cheek. “I won’t. Today was the wake-up call I needed. I will try to be the best husband I can be , which is probably a lot less than you deserve anyway. I am not an emotional man and I hate public displays of affection, but I will not go back to ignoring you. That much I can promise.
I kissed him. “Thank you.”
We remained silent beside each other until I felt our daughter move. I quickly moved Dante’s hand so that he could feel her too.
He calmed down.
“Can you feel her moving?”
Dante nodded. He didn’t say anything, but I knew it wasn’t because he wasn’t affected by what was happening.
Smiling, he leaned his head on his shoulder.
“When can I go home?”
“Tomorrow. They want to keep you overnight.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t really happy about this. I feared being separated from Dante for so long; not because I was clingy or couldn’t be alone; no, I feared that, despite his promise, Dante would find reasons to walk away from me again if we weren’t together so soon after reaching an understanding.
“I will stay with you. I will not leave you alone in this place,” he said as if he knew of my concerns, and my heart swelled with gratitude. “And I’ve already told Leo that he will have to take care of the casino by himself for a while.”
“You don’t want him to work anymore?”
“The doctor said you have to stay in bed as much as possible so you can’t work. Once our son is born and you feel well enough, we can still talk about getting you a new job.”
“That’s reasonable,” I said, then pulled back and kissed him again. Now that he was letting me, I wanted to do it again and again. Soon my breathing quickened but Dante pulled back, shaking his head slightly. “We shouldn’t. You need rest.”
“Did the doctor say anything about sex?”
“Because of the rupture, sex is too risky. It could lead to infection or cause the rupture to widen.
“So we can’t have sex for three months if I go full term ?”
“YES. Right.”
I knew that some men started using mistresses when their wives got pregnant. I didn’t think Dante was the right guy, but it still bothered me. And it wasn’t that I didn’t like sex. Three months, and maybe more, without any kind of relief seemed like a challenge.
Dante smoothed out the wrinkles between my eyebrows. “What are you thinking?”
“Will you be okay with that?”
“You mean sexless?” he asked with a hint of amusement. “YES. Like I said, self-control is not my problem.”
“I hope you have enough for both of us.”
Dante kissed me under the ear. “I’m not saying it will be easy. I want you all the time, Valentina. You drive me crazy with desire, but I won’t do anything to endanger our son.
“I know that. Neither do I.” I smiled. “I still can’t believe that soon we will have a baby girl. Tomorrow, when we get home , I’ll have to show you something I bought today.”
I couldn’t wait to see her face when she saw the onesie. I hated that something as horrible as ruptured membranes had finally brought us closer together, but I was happy that it had. Now we could look forward to the birth of our daughter together.
*** Dante kept his arm around my waist as he led me into our house, although I was perfectly able to walk on my own. I felt fine. Maybe the medication was helping. Or maybe our little girl had decided she liked my belly now that her parents understood how things were. Of course, I knew I had to be careful. I couldn’t risk going into labor in the next two weeks. Our girl still had a lot of growing to do.
Dante was about to lead me into the living room, but I shook my head. “I really want to take a shower.” Instead of leading me to the stairs, he picked me up and began to carry me upstairs. I was tall and it could not have been easy for Dante to climb the stairs with my added weight. When he set me down at the top, I said, “You don’t have to carry me. You won’t always be around when I have to take the stairs.”
“I don’t want you to use the stairs, Valentina,” he said, his voice not tolerating argument. “If I am not here to carry you , then you will call one of the guards.”
I could tell he would not budge on the subject, and I was glad he was trying to take care of me. “All right. I promise .”
When we entered our bedroom, I saw that someone, probably Gaby, had brought the bags with my purchases and placed them on the chair in front of my dressing table. With a smile, I walked over and pulled out the onesie I had bought yesterday before things got worse . I showed it to Dante for him to see. “So what do you say?”
My voice was full of excitement. I almost felt bad for feeling so exuberant after what had happened yesterday and what could still happen to our little girl, but I was too confident to let worries overshadow my other emotions.
Dante raised an eyebrow. “I doubt anyone will need the reminder.”
I laughed. “That’s what Bibi said. But it’s nice, don’t you think ?”
His arm encircled my waist. “E. I thought you didn’t know if it was a girl or a boy?”
“I didn’t, but Bibi wanted to buy matching onesies. She was really hoping for a girl so her daughter and ours could become best friends. She will be beside herself with excitement when I tell her.” I paused. “Have you told your parents yet that it’s a girl?”
Dante frowned slightly. “I talked to my mother last night after you fell asleep. She’s excited for us.”
“But your father isn’t?”
“He hasn’t contacted me yet. He’s probably trying the silent treatment as a way to show me his displeasure.”
“Really? It’s not like it was our choice to have a daughter.
And I hate this fixation on boys anyway. Even a girl is worthy .
“You don’t have to convince me,” Dante said. “But boys are seen as something that strengthens the Outfit while girls just represent a weak link that men have to protect. It has always been that way . I don’t see that changing anytime soon.”
“Do you know if there has ever been a woman placed in one of the Familias in North America and beyond?”
Dante smiled wryly. “That would be news to me. And it’s not going to happen. I would not want my daughter to be part of the Outfit . I want her safe and protected. I don’t want blood on her hands and death in her dreams.
“But do you want that for our future child?” I asked softly.
Dante moved a lock of hair from my shoulders.
“Here’s the thing, Val. I will protect all our children as long as I can, but in the end at least our son will have to face the dangers of our world. But he will be strong.”
“My father always treated my brother Horatio with brutal harshness and your father tortured you to toughen you . Sometimes I don’t want a son because I fear he will have to suffer the same things.” I didn’t think I could stand by and watch Dante treat our son like that.
Even my mother had protected Horace from time to time when Father had been too strict. Not that he had ever abused Horace the way Fiore had abused Dante.
“I’ll have to be stricter with our son, but I won’t be like my father, I swear.”
I nodded. I believed him.
I could tell that I was already beginning to tire, even though I had done almost nothing. “I should take a shower now. I should lie down again soon.”
Dante followed me into the bathroom, his eyes on me as I took off my shoes. I reached for the zipper on the back of my dress but Dante beat me to it. His thumb ran along the bumps of my spine as he lowered the zipper and I could feel it down to my toes. The dress gathered at my feet. Now there were only my pantyhose. Dante slid them down my legs, then let his gaze travel slowly down my body as he knelt before me. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and feel him inside me.
Licking my lips, I whispered. “This is going to be hard.”
Dante straightened, his expression confirming my words.
“Take a shower. I’ll wait here in case you feel faint.”
“You could shower with me,” I said.
Dante looked hesitant, then nodded. He undressed, and when he turned to me I saw that he was already half-erect.
“I thought you had self-control,” I joked.
Dante guided me to the shower, supporting me. ” Yes, otherwise my fingers would already be sinking into your moist heat.”
He opened the shower, letting the hot water rain down on us before closing the shower stall and turning to me, his hands on my hips. “How do you know I’m wet?” I asked defiantly.
Dante took the sponge and rubbed it lightly over my breasts and belly. Then he moved closer until his mouth was against my ear. “Because I could see it when I knelt before you. You were wet for me.
I was. I didn’t think I had ever wanted it as much as I did now that we were not allowed to sleep together . We washed each other with the sponge, kissing from time to time, and our breathing became faster with each passing moment. Dante’s erection was hard and red. ” Do you want me to suck it?” I whispered as I was pressed against Dante. He groaned as my fingers wrapped around his shaft, but then his hand stopped my movements and pulled it away from his erection. “No,” he squealed. He didn’t sound very convincing. “I’m fine.”
He turned me so that my back was pressed against his chest and his erection was squeezed between his stomach and my back. His arms encircled my belly, his palms pressed against my skin, and he kissed my neck lightly. “I think we should get out. You need to lie down.”
I didn’t protest. All those naked kisses made it harder to suppress my desire for him. Dante helped me dry off and seemed almost relieved when I finally put on comfortable satin pajamas and lay down on the bed. Dante and I would have to come to terms with our desires over the next few weeks. Our baby was more important than anything else.
Dante cradled me in his arms as his fingers brushed my hair. “Thank you for never giving up on me, Val.”
“I knew my stubbornness would come in handy one day,” I said with a small laugh.
*** Six weeks later the doctors decided to perform a C-section.
It was still eight weeks too early, but the risk of infection had become too great. Dante did not move from my side as they opened my belly. His presence, his steady gaze, absolute control, and the strength he exuded helped me tremendously. With Dante by my side, I knew nothing would go wrong. As if by the sheer force of his will he could make things go right. Dante could make you believe that he was in control of the situation even when he was not.
He held my hand throughout the whole C-section, and when the first cry rang out, he sought my eyes before we both turned toward our daughter, wrinkled and smeared as the ‘nurse presented her to us. I let go of Dante’s hand. “Go to our daughter. Go.” He seemed reluctant to leave me, but after brushing my forehead with a kiss, he straightened up and headed for the end of the operating table. Dante did not even flinch seeing the amount of blood, but I did not expect him to. If nurses and doctors were surprised by his calmness, they were hiding it, or perhaps they believed the rumors about Dante: that he was a high-ranking mob boss. Of course, no one would ever confirm these suspicions. After a few moments, the nurse handed him our daughter, wrapped in a blanket. She looked tiny in Dante’s arms as he watched her with the sweetest expression I had ever seen. There was something fierce there too, and it replaced kindness when he looked up and found the nurses and doctors watching him. I knew our daughter would be safe.
Dante’s eyes spoke of protection, of pure determination to destroy anything and anyone who would do her harm.
Looking away from the hospital staff, Dante walked over to me with our daughter and sat in the chair next to my head to show me our little girl . I knew the doctor would have to take her away soon.
She would have to spend some time in the incubator before she could go home with us. “She is so beautiful,” I whispered.
I didn’t even care that the doctors were busy stitching me up , or that Dante and I were not alone.
“She is just like you,” Dante said in a low voice. I ran a finger over her cheek. She looked at me, blinking her glassy eyes.
Her hair was blond like Dante’s, though still shaggy. She was small and I wanted nothing more than to protect her.
“Anna,” I said, calling her for the first time by the name Dante and I had chosen only days before. “Your father will always love you and keep you safe.”
Dante kissed Anna, then my forehead. “You and Anna, both of you.” I searched his eyes, and the tears I had successfully held back until that moment finally found their way out.