Dante did not apologize. Not the day after our argument, and not in the weeks that followed. Perhaps it should not have been a surprise. I went with Bibi to her tenth-week checkup with the gynecologist. I didn’t even tell Dante. If he wanted to ignore the fact that I was pregnant, that was his problem. A week after the appointment, Dante’s sister Ines and her husband Pietro came to visit.
I had seen Ines only twice since the wedding as she had given birth to her third child four weeks earlier. Zita had prepared dinner because I was too tired most of the time.
“Can I hold her?” I asked as Ines lifted her daughter from her car seat. She scrutinized my face, then handed me the baby, who had little spit-up bubbles in front of his lips and looked too adorable for words. The twins argued in the background but I couldn’t take my eyes off the soft girl in my arms. I carried her into the living room , cooing with her. When I looked up, Dante was watching me with something like heat in his eyes. I quickly lowered my gaze. Later, after dinner, Ines and I went to the library to talk while the men and twins stayed in the living room. Ines began to breastfeed her daughter, then fixed me with a look of understanding. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“How did you find out? We haven’t told anyone yet.” Not that I didn’t want to but it was Dante’s decision if he wanted to make it public.
“You didn’t drink wine during dinner and you kept touching your belly.”
I blushed. “I didn’t know it was so obvious.”
“Probably not to a man. You haven’t introduced yourself yet.”
“Please don’t tell your parents. I don’t think Dante wants people to know.
Ines moved her daughter because she was too picky to attach properly. “Why not?” It’s strange to think that this would be me in less than a year.
I shrugged.
“Are you two having problems? Isn’t he happy that you are pregnant?”
“I think he needs time to get used to the idea.”
“He did something stupid, didn’t he? He’s my brother. I know he can be stubborn.
“Stubborn doesn’t even begin to describe him. Has he ever apologized to you when he did something wrong?”
Ines laughed. “NO. Sometimes I think he can’t say the real words. Most of the time he tries to ignore the problem until I give up and no longer expect an apology from him.
He sounded familiar.
“The anniversary of Carla’s death is in a week.”
“Oh,” I said, coldly. I had completely forgotten about it.
“I just thought you should know.
Dante is always in a particularly bad mood that day. Maybe you should try to avoid him.
It wouldn’t be a problem.
*** My morning sickness had finally ceased and physically I felt perfect. When I came out of the guest room on June 1 , the day of Carla’s death, I expected Dante to be out of the house or hiding in his office. I stopped short when I found the door to the room where he kept Carla’s old things ajar. I could hear rummaging. Was he there looking at their old photos together? I remembered what Ines had said. That I should leave Dante alone, but it had been more than five weeks since I had left our bedroom. I missed our intimate moments. Yet pride rooted me to the spot. The door opened and Dante stood in the doorway, carrying a moving box.
I smiled apologetically. “Sorry. I didn’t mean…” My voice interrupted , not knowing what to say to him.
My eyes ran to the moving box. “What are you doing?”
“I’m moving these boxes out of the house.”
“All of them?”
He nodded. “Enzo and Taft will disassemble the furniture later and throw it out.”
I swallowed. “Why?”
“We can make better use of the space. It would make a good nursery.
A knot came to my throat. “That’s true. But we don’t have the nursery furniture yet.”
Dante cleared his throat. “You could go shopping in the next few weeks.”
“Alone?”
“I could go with you.”
I nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
He didn’t say anything. Why couldn’t he make it easier for both of us? Did he think I would fall to my knees in relief? He hadn’t even apologized. This was the first time he acknowledged that we would become parents, and only indirectly. He had not even admitted that he was the father of my child.
“Do you need my help carrying the boxes?” I nodded toward the boxes piled behind him in the room.
“NO. You shouldn’t carry anything heavy.”
“I’m not that far away.” Again silence and an expression I couldn’t read. I turned around, ready to go downstairs for breakfast. “I want you to go back to our bedroom, Val.”
I stopped. It was a request phrased as an order. He had not apologized. Despite all that, I heard myself say, “All right.”
I went back to our bedroom that night, and when Dante’s hands began to massage my back and butt and he whispered, “I want you,” I nodded and relaxed under his touch.
*** A few days later, leaving Bibi’s house, I had Enzo accompany me to the pharmacy for something against my nausea that had flared up in the last few days. As usual, Enzo stayed in the car to give me privacy. Bibi had also asked me to take a pregnancy test because she suspected she was pregnant but did not want Thomas to find out;
she only got angry when her suspicions turned out to be unfounded. The man did not deserve her. I started toward the hallway with the pregnancy tests.
“Val,” someone whispered. I turned slowly, recognizing that voice somewhere.
Shock rooted me to the ground as I stared at my first husband’s face. His hair was shoulder-length and much lighter than before. He wore glasses he couldn’t possibly need and had gained weight. He was almost unrecognizable, especially the way he dressed. Like a college student who got out of bed without thinking too much about what he was going to wear. It was quite a masquerade.
“Antonio?” I asked shakily, beginning to feel weak. I could not believe that he was actually standing in front of me, alive and in one piece . How was that possible? They had found his body;
a severely burned body without a head. “Shhh,” he said quickly. “Not so loud.”
Antonio came up to me and pulled me into a tight hug. I was stiff at first, but then sank into the embrace.
“We have to hurry. I saw your bodyguard outside in the car. I don’t want him to get suspicious and go inside.”
Tears burned in my eyes. I pulled back, following the familiar lines of his face with my gaze. “You’re alive.”
He smiled. He was slightly turned off. “I am.”
“Does Frank know that?”
“Yes, that’s why he wanted to meet you. I sent him.
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Because I wanted him to understand your loyalty first.”
My loyalty? Had Antonio been afraid I would tell Dante about him? I frowned. “Okay… why did someone try to kill me when I met him?”
Antony laughed. “I didn’t try to kill you. I aimed a couple of feet above your head. I had to help Frank. Dante would have killed him if I hadn’t done something.
I still didn’t like that he aimed near me. The bullets had hit the wall less than two feet above my head.
“So you were there the whole time and you didn’t tell me?”
“Dante and his bodyguard came when I was about to leave. He ruined everything.”
“How did you follow me here without Enzo noticing anything?”
“I used to be one of them. I could outsmart that guy any day.
My head was spinning. I took a step back from him. “I cried at your grave! I mourned you for months.
“I know,” he said. “But I couldn’t tell you about my plan.”
“Why not? You had no problem telling Frank.
Antony looked at me imploringly. “I didn’t want to involve you in this. It would have been too dangerous.”
“Who was the body they found? He was carrying your favorite knife.
“He was just a homeless foreigner,” she said in a dismissive tone.
“Did you kill him by making it look like the Russians killed you?”
Antony nodded, with a proud twinkle in his eyes. “I cut off his head so they couldn’t try to identify me through my teeth.”
I looked. “The Outfit sought revenge after finding you!
They attacked the Russians and killed many of them.”
“The Russians deserve death. The world is a better place without them.”
The world would be a much better place without many of the people I knew. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I married you to help you and you didn’t trust me enough to involve me in your plan. Did you ever think that maybe I wanted out of this life, too?”
“I trusted you. I still do, Val. There are few people I trust more, but I couldn’t involve you in this. And how could I take you with me? It would have looked suspicious if we faked your death as well.”
I could not see how that could have looked more suspicious.
We could have set up a crime scene in our house and burned two bodies. But I wouldn’t have wanted an innocent person to die so I could follow Antonio. It wasn’t that I loved Antonio as much as I did at the beginning of our marriage.
“And be honest, would you really want to leave this life behind?”
I shake my head. This was the only life I knew. I wouldn’t even know how to behave in normal society. I scanned his face. “But why are you here? If you want to leave this life behind, meeting me is not really a smart move. Why are you still in Chicago? Shouldn’t you be somewhere in the Caribbean or South America enjoying your newfound freedom from the mob?”
“I heard about your marriage to Dante Cavallaro.” I scoffed. “You didn’t come back here for that. Why would you come out of hiding for that? You were safe.”
Antonio looked away. I could tell he was reluctant to answer my question. “I tried. Frank and I tried a different life, a normal life. I had enough money to live comfortably in Mexico for a while, and then the plan was to get a job, live like normal people do.”
“E?”
“I couldn’t do that, Val. I tried to work but it was degrading to work like I was nothing, to work for cheap, to live without money. I was bored to death. I tried for a while with Frank but he realized I was miserable so we decided to go back to Chicago.”
“But why?” I asked. “You can hardly walk into Dante’s office and tell him you’re alive. You broke your oath by leaving the suit. You betrayed them. They will not welcome you with open arms.
Antony nodded darkly. “I know. Don’t you think I know?”
Something occurred to me. “Do you want me to talk to Dante so he forgives you? Do you want me to come up with some crazy lie that will save your life?” I wasn’t sure if there was anything I could do or say to stop Dante from putting a bullet in Antonio’s head. He had broken the cardinal rule of the mob. You couldn’t just leave the Outfit. It was for life.
Antonio grabbed my shoulder, with a pleading look on his face. “If I could, I would undo what I did. I would not leave you a widow. You know I love you, Val, don’t you?”
I exhaled slowly. “I know that, Antonio. You told me more than once that you loved me like a sister.
Antonio brought us even closer. “Maybe I could love you more than that. Maybe if we tried again, we could be more than a pretend couple.”
“What do you say?”
“I want to go back to my old life, to you. I really want to try this time.
I was more confused than ever in my life. “Antonio, you have Frank. What about him? You’re gay.”
Antonio avoided my gaze. “I know. But you could be the ‘exemption. Frank wouldn’t mind if I acted like a husband should. He doesn’t mind sharing.
I blinked, on the verge of laughing. “You want what–a love triangle?” I didn’t even know what else to call it. It was too ridiculous to even consider.
Antonio gave me his most endearing smile. The one that brought back memories of our youth together, the one that had manipulated me countless times before.
“I’m married to Dante now. You’re not even my husband anymore. You’ve been declared dead.”
“But you can’t marry Dante if I’m not dead, because our marriage is still valid.”
“You do realize that Dante might be reluctant to accept your crazy suggestion, right?” I said. This was surreal. Maybe this conversation was not happening. Maybe I was asleep and dreaming.
“YES. He would not allow it and would kill me if he found out I was alive. That’s why I need your help.”
Terror settled in my bones like a leaden weight. “What kind of help?”
“I know you didn’t want to marry Dante. He’s always been a cold bastard. You can’t be happy with him.
“Antonio,” I said imploringly. “Spit it out.”
“When I decided to return to Chicago, I contacted a couple of my former friends who didn’t really like the way the Cavallaro’s ran the Outfit, especially Dante with his new rules. I told them that I had faked my own death because I was tired of serving under Cavallaro rule. They welcomed me with open arms. They want change as much as I do. Dante has not been Chief for a long time. This is the perfect time to force change.”
I swallowed, worrying about how this would turn out. “Who are those friends?”
Antony shook his head. “I can’t tell you, but they want the best for the Outfit. Once they are in power, I can safely come back and be part of the Outfit again.”
“Did you tell them you were gay?”
“Not yet, but sooner or later I will.”
“They won’t accept you.”
“I’ll worry about that when the time comes. What matters is that I will have a chance to live in Chicago again, to come back to you.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked quietly.
“It is too risky for us to attack Dante in the open. We don’t want open warfare. Once Dante is out of the way, things will fall into place. It will be easier to get rid of old Fiore Cavallaro once his son dies. But we need you for our plan to work.” Antonio pulled a small vial out of his pocket, checked the aisle, but we were the only customers except for an old lady at the counter chatting with the pharmacist. He held the vial in front of him. “You’re the only one I trust enough to ask and who has direct access to Dante.”
“What is it?” I whispered, even though I knew.
“It’s poison, Val. All you have to do is introduce it into Dante’s drink and you’ll be rid of him.
I stepped back, freeing myself from Antony’s grip. My stomach was in turmoil. “Do you want me to kill my husband?”
“I am your husband, Val,” Antonio grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him, his eyes pleading. “Does he love you like I do? Does he even care about you? We’ve known each other all our lives.”
I couldn’t breathe. I searched Antonio’s eyes for a sign that he was joking, but found none. He held out the vial. ” Take it.”
I grabbed the vial and stared at the colorless liquid inside.
“He won’t notice. It tastes good and is odorless, don’t worry.”
I still did not put the vial in my pocket. I seemed unable to move a muscle.
“It works quickly. It is a muscle relaxant and causes the lung and heart to stop working. A quicker death than it deserves.”
“Do you really want me to kill someone?” My voice was almost tone-deaf. “If something goes wrong and I get caught, they will kill me.” Or more accurately, Dante would probably kill me himself after such a betrayal.
“You’re too smart to get caught, Val. And once you’re dead, we’ll take over in the blink of an eye. You will be under my protection. Everything will be fine.” Antony leaned down and lightly brushed my lips with his. I was too stunned to pull back. Slowly I slipped the vial into the bag.
“You should do it tonight. The sooner we move, the better. I don’t want to risk staying in Chicago like this much longer.
“Does Frank know all this?” I had to ask, I had to know. I fought back the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes.
“YES. It was actually his suggestion. He thinks it’s safer than risking a firefight. Dante is a damn good shot, and that bastard never lets his guard down except when he’s home.” Antony smiled brightly at me.
To him I was a means to an end – again. Once before he had used my feelings for him to lure me into a fake marriage and now he wanted to manipulate me into killing my husband. Maybe I should have tried to dissuade him, but the moment I tried, he would get suspicious, hide again and attack Dante one more time. It was too risky.
“I would really feel more comfortable if I knew the names of your friends. I trust you, but what about them?”
“I trust them.”
I gave him a pleading look.
Antonio shook a lock of hair away from my face. The gesture was so tender and loving that it made me choke with emotion . Antonio must have seen it because he nodded. ” I can give you one name, but the others will remain secret until things settle down.”
“All right.”
“Raffaele, you know him from the casino, right?”
Oh, I knew Raphael. And he was the last person in the Outfit who would ever accept Antonio’s homosexuality. “Yes, certainly .”
I was on the verge of bursting into tears. To hide it from Antony, I pretended to look at my watch. When I was sure I was in control of my emotions, I raised my face.
“So you’ll do it tonight?” asked Antony almost enthusiastically.
“For me, for us?”
I tapped the bag where the vial was hidden, then reached out and cupped Antonio’s cheek. “I have loved you since I was fourteen. I was so happy when we got married.
Antonio smiled, his eyes full of satisfaction. “I know, Val. I should have been a better husband to you.
Yes, you should have been.
“But soon things will change. And this time everything will be better.”
I nodded. No, it won’t.
I pulled back. “I have to get back to the car before Enzo gets suspicious.” “Here’s my number. Call me when you’re done, okay?” He slipped a piece of paper into my pocket.
I nodded again.
“Say hello to Dante for me,” Antonio said with a wink.
He was still so confident in the power he had once had over me, but I was no longer the loving and naive girl I once was.
I turned and walked slowly out of the pharmacy and back to the car.
Goodbye.