85

Fabian pressed his face against my ribs almost painfully, and I stroked his hair, feeling him tremble. His father watched with a frown of disapproval. He thought Fabiano was too old to show such emotions, as if a boy could not be sad. Soon they were to leave for the airport. Father was to return to Chicago to conduct business as usual. I would have liked them to stay longer, but Luca and I were leaving for New York again today.
Fabiano pulled up with his nose, then pulled back, looking at me. Tears were pressing on my eyes but I held them back. If I started crying now, things would only get harder for everyone, especially Gianna and Lily. They both stayed a couple of steps behind Fabiano, waiting their turn to say goodbye.
My father was already beside the black rented Mercedes, eager to leave.
“We’ll see each other again soon,” I promised, but I wasn’t sure when it would be soon. Christmas?
It was still four months away. The thought stopped like a heavy stone at the pit of my stomach.
“When?” Fabiano pushed out his lower lip.
“Soon.”
“We don’t have an eternity. The plane will leave without us,” his father said abruptly. “Come here, Fabiano.”
With one last eager glance toward me, Fabiano dragged himself toward Father, who immediately began to scold him. My heart was so heavy that I wasn’t sure how it could stay in my chest without crushing my ribs. Luca pulled up behind the Mercedes in his steel-gray Aston Martin V anquish and got out, but my attention shifted to Lily who hugged me, and after a moment Gianna joined the embrace.
My sisters, my best friends, my confidants, my world.
I could no longer hold back the tears. I never wanted to let them go. I wanted to take them with me to New York. They could live in our apartment or even get their own. At least, then I would have someone I loved and who loved me.
“I will miss you so much,” Lily whispered through sobs. Gianna said nothing. She simply pressed her face into the crook of my neck and cried. Gianna, who hardly ever cried. My strong, impulsive Gianna. I didn’t know how long we would stay, and I didn’t care who saw this open display of weakness. Let everyone see what true love means. Most of them would never experience it.
“We have to leave,” Father shouted. The gravel crunched.
I lifted my face. Mother walked over to us, touched my cheek briefly, then took Lily’s arm and led her away from me. Another piece of me was gone. Gianna did not loosen her firm grip on me.
“Gianna!” My father’s voice was like a whip.
He raised his head, his red eyes, his freckles standing out even more. We looked at each other and for a moment neither of us said anything. “Call me every day. Every single day,” Gianna said fiercely.
“Swear it.” “I swear,” I choked.
“Gianna, for God’s sake! Do I have to come and get you?”
She walked slowly away from me, then turned and practically fled to the car. I followed them a few steps as their car drove down the long driveway. None of my sisters turned around. I was relieved when they finally turned the corner and drove away. I cried for a while and no one interrupted me. I knew I was not alone. At least not in the physical sense.
When I finally turned around, Luca and Matteo were on the steps behind me. Luca looked at me with a look I didn’t have the strength to read. He probably thought I was pathetic and weak. That was the second time I cried in front of him. But today was worse. He went down the stairs while Matteo stayed behind.
“Chicago is not the end of the world,” Luca said calmly.
He could not understand. “It might as well be. I was never separated from my sisters and brother. They were my whole world.”
Luca said nothing. He pointed to his car. “We should leave. I have a meeting tonight.”
I nodded. Nothing kept me here. Everyone I cared about was gone.
“I’ll follow you,” Matteo said, then headed toward a motorcycle.
I sank into the taupe leather seats of the Aston Martin. Luca closed the door, walked around the hood, and settled behind the wheel.
“No bodyguard?” I asked tonelessly.
“I don’t need bodyguards. Romero is for you. And this car really doesn’t have room for additional passengers.” He started the engine and the deep rumble filled the interior. I looked out the window as we drove away from Villa Vitiello. It seemed surreal that my life could change so drastically because of a wedding. But things had changed and would change further.
The trip to New York passed in silence. I was glad that Luca had not tried to make conversation. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and sadness. Soon the skyscrapers were rising around the car as we crossed New York at a glacial pace. I didn’t care. The longer the trip took, the more I could pretend I had no new home, but eventually we entered an underground garage. We got out of the car without a word, and Luca took our suitcases from the trunk. Most of my things had already been taken to Luca’s house a few days ago, but this would be the first time I had seen where he lived .
I stayed by the car as Luca walked toward the elevator doors. He looked over his shoulder and stopped as well. “Are you thinking of running?”
Every single day.
I walked over to him. “You would find me,” I said simply.
“I wish.” There was steel in his voice. He inserted a card into a slot and the elevator doors opened, revealing marble, mirrors and a small chandelier. The elevator made it clear that this was no ordinary apartment building. We entered and nerves tightened in my stomach.
I had been alone with Luca last night and on the trip here, but the thought of being alone in his penthouse was somehow worse. This was his kingdom. Who was I kidding? Practically all of New York was her empire. He leaned against the mirrored wall and watched me as the elevator began to rise. I wished he would say something, anything, really. It would distract me from the panic rising in my throat. My eyes ran to the screen showing what floor we were on. We were already on the 20th floor and had not yet stopped.
“The elevator is private. It only leads to the top two floors of the building. My penthouse is at the top and Matteo has his apartment downstairs.
“Can he come to our penthouse anytime he wants?”
Luca scrutinized my face. “Are you afraid of Matteo?”
“I’m afraid of the two of you. But Matteo seems more unstable while I doubt you would ever do anything you don’t want to do. You seem like a person who is always firmly in control.”
“Sometimes I lose control.”
I twisted the wedding ring around my finger, avoiding his eyes. That was information I didn’t need to know.
“You have nothing to worry about when it comes to Matteo. He is used to coming to my house whenever he wants, but things will change now that I am married. Most of our business is done elsewhere anyway.”
The elevator beeped and stopped, then the doors opened. Luca motioned for me to get out first. I did so and immediately found myself in a huge living space with elegant white sofas, dark wood floors, a modern glass and metal fireplace, black sideboards and tables, and state-of-the-art chandeliers. There was almost no color, except for a few pieces of modern art on the walls and glass artwork. But the entire wall in front of the elevator was glass. The windows opened the view to a terrace and roof garden, and beyond to the skyscrapers and Central Park. The ceiling opened above the main part of the living area, and a staircase led to the second floor of the penthouse .
I entered the apartment and raised my head. Glass railings allowed a clear view of the upper floor: a bright gallery from which several doors branched off.
An open kitchen occupied the left side of the living area, and a huge black dining table marked the boundary between the dining room and the living area. I could feel Luca’s eyes on me as I observed everything. I walked over to the windows and peered out. I had never lived in an apartment; even a rooftop garden did not change the fact that it was a high prison.
“Your things are in the upstairs bedroom. Marianna wasn’t sure if you wanted to put them away yourself, so she left them in your suitcases.
“Who is Marianna?”
Luca came up behind me. Our gazes met in the reflection of the window. “She’s my housekeeper. She is here a couple of days a week.”
I wondered if she was also his mistress. Some men in our world have actually dared to insult their wives by bringing their whores to their homes. “How old is she?”
Luca’s lips twitched. “Are you jealous?” He rested his hands on my hips, and I stiffened. He didn’t back down, but I could see the anger cross his face. But I also noticed that he did not answer my question.
I freed myself from his grip and headed toward a glass door that looked out onto the roof garden. I turned to Luca. “Can I come out?”
His jaw was clenched. He wasn’t stupid. He had noticed how quickly I was free of his touch.
“This is your home now, too.”
He didn’t sound like that. I’m not sure he ever would. I opened the door and went outside. It was windy and the distant honking was carried from the streets below. White lounge furniture occupied the terrace, but beyond it a small well-kept garden stretched toward a glass barrier. There was also a square in-ground Jacuzzi, large enough for six people. Two lounge chairs were set up next to it. I started toward the edge of the garden and let my gaze wander over Central Park. It was a beautiful view.
“You’re not thinking of jumping, are you?” asked Luca, grabbing the railing next to me.
I raised my face toward him, trying to assess whether this was his attempt at humor. He looked serious.
“Why should I kill myself?”
“Some women in our world see it as the only way to gain freedom. This marriage is your prison.
I assessed the distance between the roof and the ground. Death was certain. But I had never thought of killing myself. Before I did, I would run. “I wouldn’t do that to my family. Lily, Fabi and Gianna would be heartbroken.”
Luca nodded. I couldn’t read his expression and it was driving me crazy. “Let’s go back inside,” he said, putting a hand on my lower back and guiding me into the apartment. He closed the door, then turned to me. “I have a meeting in thirty minutes, but I’ll be back in a few hours. I want to take you to dinner at my favorite restaurant.
“Oh,” I said, surprised. “Do you like a date?”
The corners of Luca’s mouth twitched, but he did not smile. “You could call it that. We haven’t had a real date yet. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me against himself. I froze and the lightness disappeared from his eyes.
“When will you stop being afraid of me?”
“You don’t want me to be afraid of you?” I always thought it would make his life easier if I were terrified of him. It would be easier to keep me under control.
Luca’s dark eyebrows came together. “You are my wife. We will spend our life together. I don’t want a woman cowering by my side.
This really surprised me. The mother loved the father but also feared him. “Are there people out there who don’t fear you?”
“Some,” she said before lowering her head and pressing her lips against mine. He kissed me unhurriedly until I relaxed under his touch and opened my lips for him. I raised my arm and hesitantly touched the back of his neck, brushing his hair with my fingers. My other hand pressed against his chest, enjoying the feel of his muscles. He pulled away.
“I have half a mind to cancel this fucking meeting.” He ran his thumb over my lips. “But there is still more than enough time for that later.” He glanced at his watch. “I really need to go now.
Romero will be here when I’m gone. Take your time and look around.” With that said, he headed for the door and left.
For a moment I stared at the door, wondering if someone would stop me if I walked out of this building. Instead, I headed for the stairs and went up to the second floor. Only one of the white doors was ajar, and I opened it. The master bedroom opened in front of me. As with the living area, an entire wall was made up of windows overlooking New York City. The king-size bed was in front of them. I wondered what it would be like to watch the sunrise from the bed. The wall behind the bed was covered with black fabric. At the end of the room a door led to a walk-in closet, and to its right I could see a freestanding bathtub through the glass wall that separated the bedroom from the bathroom.
I approached it. Even from the bathtub one could see the city. Despite the glass wall, the sinks and shower were not visible from the bedroom, while the toilet was in a separate small room.
“Air?”
I gasped. My heart pounded in my chest as I slowly followed the voice and found Romero standing on the gallery with my bags. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said when he saw my face. I nodded.
“Where do you want me to put your bags?”
I had forgotten that Luca had dropped them on the couch. “I don’t know. Maybe the walk-in closet?”
He walked past me and placed the bags on a bench in the closet.
Next to it were my three suitcases and two moving boxes. “Do you know if I should dress up for tonight? Luca said he wants to take me to his favorite restaurant, but he didn’t tell me if he has a dress code.”
Romero smiled. “NO. Definitely no dress code.
“Why? Is it a KFC?” I had actually never eaten at a KFC. Dad and Mom would never take us to such a place. Gianna, Lily and I had once convinced Umberto to take us to a McDonald’s, but that was really the full extent of my experience with fast-food restaurants.
“Not really. I think Luca wants to surprise you.”
I doubted it. “Maybe I should unpack then.” I pointed to my suitcases.
Romero kept his distance from me. He was polite but professional. “Do you need help?”
I really didn’t want Romero to touch my underwear. “NO. I’d rather be alone.”
Compassion filled Romero’s face before he turned and left. I waited until I was sure he was back downstairs before opening the first box. On top was a picture of me with Gianna, Lily, and Fabi. I cried for the third time in less than twenty-four hours. I had only seen them this morning, so how could I already feel so lonely?