33

Simona had woken up again, but Gianna insisted that I stay in bed because she was taking care of it. Perhaps that was why I felt more relaxed this morning than I had in a long time. Despite her lack of sleep, Gianna got up once I finished in the bathroom and slipped inside. I went into Daniel’s room. He was awake, as usual at that hour, already hunched over his toilet seat. At first I hid it from him, but when he played with the thing, it was the only time he seemed even remotely happy, so I always gave it back to him. He didn’t look up when I entered, but his small shoulders hunched. I stood on my thighs beside his bed to be at his eye level. Still nothing.
“Daniele, come on. Put it aside.” No response. I took him away and he started screaming, but I put him on a shelf. I picked him up even though he was struggling. His refusal to be near me cut me worse than those whips many years before. I swallowed and put him on the changing table. It was our ritual for me to wake him up. He had been this way since he was very small. He always loved our morning time . . . Not anymore. His tear-filled eyes tilted toward something behind me. I turned around and found Gianna in the doorway, her eyes full of emotion and the dog in her arms. She walked in. “Loulou heard you crying and came to check on you.” Daniel fell silent, looking at the dog with big eyes.
Gianna stood by the changing table so that the dog could look down at Daniele and Daniele up. I undressed him and for once he did not struggle. Her wide eyes were fixed on the dog as I changed his diaper. Gianna pulled her clothes out of the closet and laid them beside me. Jeans, socks that looked like sneakers, and a sweater that read “Big Brother.” “Today you will wear your big brother’s T-shirt,” she said, smiling. Daniel’s mouth quivered in a small smile, and I had to look away for a moment. Clearing my throat, I said, “You are a good big brother. Simona needs you by her side.”
Daniel nodded slowly and let me put on his clothes. He could dress himself, more or less, but as with so many other things, he refused to do so after his mother died. I lifted him off the table but did not put him down so that he could walk as I usually would. I clutched him to my body. His eyes remained fixed on Loulou, but at least he did not try to wriggle out of me. “Let’s take a look at Simona,” I said.
We went into Simona’s room together, and Gianna sat Loulou down so that she could fetch Simona. The dog trotted out of the room to do what she had in mind, probably pee on the expensive carpets. The moment he disappeared from view, Daniel became restless. I lowered him to the floor before he could start crying. He immediately walked away, probably to go in search of his tablet. Gianna was holding Simona but looking at me. The compassion in her expression did not infuriate me this morning. It just made me feel wistful. With Simona on her arm, she walked over to me and touched my chest. “He will come back. Give him time. It takes time to heal.”
Would she have been as optimistic if she had known what had happened? I lowered my gaze to the clock. “I have to leave now.” Then, and I wasn’t sure why, I touched her cheek and placed a light kiss on her mouth. “I appreciate your efforts.”
Surprise crossed her face. I felt the same surprise from the very first minute of our marriage. She was not what I had expected. He could have succumbed to teenage hysteria, but instead he tried to manage the tasks of his new life. She handled them in a kind and lovely way. She looked too good to be true.
I pulled back and went down the stairs. Elijah waited for me in front of my car for further instructions. Remembering last night and this morning, a hint of reluctance pervaded me when I thought about my agreement with Elia, but it was not enough to make me give up the affair. Gianna had done nothing to deserve this, but I needed certainty before her beauty wrapped around my finger and blinded me to a painful truth. My children would not survive a repeat of their mother’s death.
Gianna
My chest ached thinking about Alessio’s morning meeting with Daniel. I could tell Alessio was suffering because of his son’s reaction to him. I had to help in some way, but first I had to understand why Daniele was acting that way. For some reason, I could not imagine that Alessio had hurt his son in any way. Alessio was certainly capable of the most depraved acts imaginable. Rumors of his business practices had also reached my ears in Baltimore, but from the way he looked at his children, it was clear that he loved them. No, it was something else between them.
I had a feeling it had something to do with Gaia, which was a problem because Alessio refused to talk about her. Daniele wasn’t talking at all, and I wasn’t sure it was wise to mention his mother around him. I walked toward the kitchen with Simona in my arms and Daniele following me on tiptoe. His face was lined with tears because he could not find his tablet. I had seen it on the shelf in his room, but I had decided not to give it to him. He needed to learn to be without the thing. It wasn’t healthy how fixated he was on technology.
Sybil was already making waffles. The kitchen smelled of vanilla and hot dough. Elijah and Dominic were not there yet, but I knew they were somewhere in the house, otherwise Alessio would not have left. Loulou slid under the table, probably hoping for a repeat performance, but sweets were certainly not good for a dog. I approached Sybil while Daniele knelt in front of the table to look at Loulou. “Let her come to you, Daniele. She is shy. Eventually, she will come. Give her time, okay?” She nodded distractedly, but did not move otherwise. “Can you cook some bacon, too?” “For the dog?” Sybil guessed. “I don’t want to force him to eat. Not when he still doesn’t trust me. This is the only way he will eat breakfast.” She nodded. She still didn’t seem to approve, but took the bacon from the refrigerator.
“Thank you.” Elijah soon joined us, but Domenico stayed away. To my surprise, he sat down next to me. Like yesterday, his smile was quick, his eye contact a little too intimate, and his arm brushed against mine twice “by accident.” I wasn’t the only one who noticed because Sybil gave him a sharp look. I ignored him, unsure of what else to do. My plan to get Daniel to eat worked as it had yesterday. Loulou took a small piece of bacon for every bite of waffle and banana Daniele ate. As far as I was concerned, it was a win-win situation, and Loulou definitely agreed. “I thought we could all go for a walk together so Loulou can see something new?” I said to Daniel. His nod was quick and his obvious excitement kindled mine.
“Sounds good. The weather is nice and not too cold. I know a nice park not too far away,” Elijah said. “Great.” I stood up. “Why don’t you go ahead and get everything ready while I talk to Sybil?” Elijah cast a glance between Sybil and me before getting up and leaving. Taking the dishes to the sink where Sybil was scrubbing the pan, I said, “You’ve been working here since the first day of Alessio’s marriage to Gaia, right?” I said in a low voice so the children would not hear me. I didn’t know for sure, but the expression on Sybil’s face confirmed my guess. “I did.” She avoided my eyes by putting the dishes in the dishwasher. “How was she?”
My parents had met her at official functions, of course. She had been a lady, always perfectly coiffed, but that meant nothing. Outward appearance and what went on behind closed doors were two very different things. “I only worked for her. I didn’t know her.” I gave her an incredulous look. “How can you work for someone for years and not know them?” Sybil closed the dishwasher and busied herself cleaning the closets. “He kept his distance. He never ate breakfast in the kitchen. He preferred that I finish my homework as quickly as possible so that I could leave.” She shook her head. “If you want to know more, you’ll have to talk to the teacher. But I don’t think you should.”