Cradling Simona gently, I walked down the stairs, Gianna behind me. I could only hope Daniele wouldn’t wake up too. I couldn’t console them both, not that he would let me console him.
Stifling my frustration, I walked into the kitchen. It had been a while since I had prepared a bottle, but Sybil had prepared everything. I nodded toward the bottles and the formula.
“You have to prepare the bottle.” Gianna’s eyes settled on me.
“I’ve never done that.” I sighed, then handed Simona to her.
“Then you’ll have to hold her while I show you how to do it.”
Gianna cast a glance at my daughter, swallowing.
Embarrassment filled her face when she met my gaze, and I knew what she would say before she did.
“I’ve never held a baby in my life.” For a moment I felt the urge to lash out at her verbally, but I fought it off. Gianna had even less say in marrying me than I did. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t know the first thing about being a mother.
“It’s not hard. Just reach out and take it.”
“What if I drop her? Or hurt her? Or…”
“Gianna, it will be all right. You won’t drop her and you won’t hurt her.” Gianna nodded and finally stretched out her arms. I put Simona in them, and Gianna immediately cradled her to my chest.
“Oh, she’s heavier than I thought.”
I stood beside her to see if she made it, but Gianna only had eyes for Simona. She looked terrified and a little lost.
Then Simona did what she always did when anyone but me or my sisters or my mother held her; She began to scream, her little arms and legs flailing as she tried to wriggle out of the stranger.
Gianna opened her eyes wide, frightened, as she sought help from my gaze. Sighing, I approached the bottles.
“Try to comfort her. She needs to get used to you.” Simona had never taken Sybil or the other maids. If the same happened with Gianna, months of sleepless nights would turn into years and my daughter would be left without a mother figure in her life. It was an option I did not want to consider.
“Shh… Shh.” Gianna cradled Simona, but even from a distance I could see her anxiety, and Simona probably felt it too. The crying did not stop. If possible, it became even more intense.
I moved faster, preparing the formula, trying not to let the cries break my patience.
I wanted to call Felix at that moment and tell him that he would regret lying to me, that I would find a way to make him pay. The best way, of course, to repay him would be to cancel our marriage because he had defrauded me of a promised mother figure.
With the bottle, I approached Gianna, who seemed close to tears. But it would be absolutely dishonorable to call off the wedding at this point, and not only that…. Nothing in the world would make me give up Gianna now that I had her. She may not have been the mother my children needed, but shit, she was what I wanted.
The moment I took Simona away from Gianna, her shoulders slumped in relief.
Simona calmed in my grip and accepted the bottle, looking at me with tear-filled eyes, her chubby cheeks mottled.
“I’m sorry,” Gianna said. Guilt filled her expression. I said nothing. Slowly, I went back upstairs and entered Simona’s room.
Gianna was quiet. I should have said something to her, told her it would get better, but I wasn’t sure if that was true. Gianna was watching me the whole time I was feeding my daughter. Simona was calm as I cradled her against my chest.
“Should I try to hold her again?” she asked, uncertain.
“No,” I replied. I could not bear another bout of crying. Gianna nodded slowly, looking away. Silence descended upon us, disturbed only by the sucking sounds of Simona drinking her bottle.
When she was finally finished, my eyes burned with exhaustion. I tried to put Simona back in her crib, but the moment I did, she started crying again.
With a little sigh, I walked over to the rocking chair in the corner and sank down. The thing groaned under my weight.
“You can go to sleep. I don’t need you.” Gianna winced as if I had slapped her. She turned, walked out and quietly closed the door.
I lulled myself to sleep, looking at my daughter who seemed wide awake. It was going to be another sleepless night.
Eventually Simona had fallen asleep, so I managed to sleep two hours before the alarm went off at six. Groaning, feeling tired to the bone, I straightened up in bed.
Gianna got up to sit up as well. Just like after our first night together, her eyes were swollen from crying. Perhaps our bond was doomed in the same way my bond with Gaia had been.
“Good morning,” she said, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear and straightening her bangs.
“I didn’t hear you come to bed.”
“It was late. Simona wouldn’t fall asleep.” Gianna bit her lip.
“Sybil will be here today, right?” I nodded.
“You don’t have to worry. You won’t have to be alone with my children yet. Sybil will show you how to take care of them until you know what to do. But Sybil’s main job is cleaning and cooking.”
“All right,” she said quietly.
“I’ll get ready. Your bodyguards are coming at seven so I can introduce you before I go to work.”
“Are they your late wife’s bodyguards?” Fury burned in my chest.
“No.” Which was mostly the truth.
Gianna got out of bed, but her eyes were on me.
“When are you coming home tonight?”
“I don’t know.” I headed to the bathroom and closed the door. The hot shower did nothing to dispel the heavy sense of exhaustion. While Gianna got ready, I dressed in my usual three-piece suit before heading to Daniel’s room.
As expected, he was not inside. I found him on Gaia’s bed, still in his pajamas, staring at his tablet.