“You didn’t hang out with your drunk friends and play any silly games, did you?” he asked casually.
“Uh, n-no….? All of them were sober at that point.”
“I see, then any boy tried to hit on you?”
“N-no! Why would they do that?” I yelled, “Is that all that you think about?”
He’s not wrong, but it feels frustrating to admit it.
“Yes, I care about your safety. Nothing wrong with it,” he replied, “Anything notable happened that you might wanna talk about?”
“That’s…..”
If anything out of the ordinary that happened must be…
“Yeah, I finally managed to talk with my classmates freely. They weren’t that welcoming of me at first but now we get along a bit. We danced together, had drinks and food, and even took some pictures together. Let me show you.”
I pulled out my phone and showed him the pictures. Seeing them he smiled softly.
“Isn’t that great?”
“What’s great?” I asked.
“You finally managed to overcome your weakness. That’s a great feat achieved. I’m proud of you.”
Proud of me? Those words filled my heart with a warmth I never experienced before. When was the last time someone said those words to me?
Was I ever proud of myself? I was always the first one to criticize me, ready to point out my weaknesses, which made me discouraged even more.
But, he’s telling me he’s proud of me. He’s really spoiling me at this rate. His words sound too convincing.
“It’s not as great as you make it sound like,” I said to him. “In fact, you should scold me for not being able to socialize with my classmates in the first place. Don’t encourage this behavior of mine. You are spoiling me.”
“Am I now?” he chuckled.
“It’s not funny”
“Even if I’m spoiling you, I can’t seem to find any fault in any person unable to get themselves accustomed to a new environment so easily.” He interrupted.
What?
He turned around to glance at me, reaching out his hand to caress my face. “Sometimes it’s the environment that’s at fault. Sometimes, it’s our fault, whatever it may be, we should go forward facing the world with all we got, instead of just hiding back in our shell. That would make you a coward.”
“A coward?” I mumbled out loud, “I’m a coward?”
Haven’t I been that all along? A coward who always hides from difficult situations? I’ve been that way ever since, I’ve seen my parents fight.
I always used to hide from them in my room, so I wouldn’t have to see the ugly reality right before me. I tried to ignore it.
But, that was wrong. I also tried to avoid my classmates and the new people just because they didn’t welcome me warmly.
Unless Rosalia and Skylar were there for me, I would’ve been all alone even now. I’m hopeless on my own. I am really useless.
Why would anyone want to be friends with me, let alone love me? I don’t deserve anyone’s love.
“Aileen, what are you thinking?” Dave asked, jerking me by the shoulder and bringing me back to reality.
I stared at him blankly, “Uh…..”
“You weren’t answering me and just went silent. Are you alright? What’s going on in your head?”
His face was full of worry. Don’t look at me with those kind eyes of yours. I’m not worthy of you.
“Nothing,” I looked away, “There’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Are you sure? Don’t lie to me, I can tell!”
“Why would I be lying to you? Believe me.” I forced a smile.
He reached out his hand to caress my face, “If you are saying so, I’ll believe in you. I’ll believe your words, alright?”
I nodded, “Now, drive fast. I’m getting late.”
“Yes, Your Highness. Aren’t you quite demanding?”
“I am!”
Unless I can grow as a person and learn to accept my weakness, then only I can talk about my love for you.
Someone like you doesn’t deserve a coward like me.
“Oh and I, can’t pick you up from college. Marshall will come, will that be alright?” he asked, dropping me off to collate.
“He will? Sure.”
“Bye, Aileen.”
“Bye!”
I still haven’t managed to solve Becky’s issue yet. I was looking for an opportunity anyway. Maybe I’ll ask him to bring me back home so I can meet her and talk.
Yeah, that sounds better.
The classroom had a lively atmosphere. They were all discussing yesterday’s party. As soon as I entered the class they all greeted me.
I went to sit in the middle by myself, then Skylar came to sit beside me.
“Are you sitting alone?” he asked.
“You are sitting here, so not anymore,” I replied, “Is Rosalia here today? I wanted to know what happened afterward they left. Did she contact you? Do you know anything?”
He looked at me with a bored face, “You have so much luxury to worry about others all the time, don’t you? Isn’t that exhausting?”
Huh?