Dave
After Emilia had put on the seatbelt, I turned on the car driving away from the shop as fast as possible.
She went quiet, and it also made me feel a bit bad.
I want to ask her what’s wrong with her, but I need to find a good spot to do that first. We can’t just talk in the middle of the road.
20 minutes later I found an empty spot by the road and parked my car.
She looked outside and became puzzled.
“Wait, what are we doing here? You said we would go to a different shop right?” she asked, looking at me.
“That was a lie,” I replied, taking off my seatbelt.
“What? Why would you lie to me?”
“Sorry for tricking you. But, I had no choice,” I turned to face her properly. “Do you mind telling me what you did in the bathroom before leaving the shop?”
Her eyes widened in surprise as if I had asked her an awkward question. She lowered her gaze out of fear the very instant.
“W-what do you mean by that? Of course, I would be changing. What else could I be doing”
“Did you hear what those girls said behind your back? Is that why you were bawling your eyes out?” I was straightforward with my question. Cause I don’t want her to make an excuse.
She clenched her palms tightly, pressing her lips together.
“I was right then?”
“No!” she yelled in protest. “You are wrong! I didn’t hear anything at all! Nor was I crying. You are wrong!”
“Am I? Then, why were your eyes puffy red when you came out? Why did you suddenly feel like leaving the shop? What was the reason?”
“That was…. because…..”
I clicked my tongue out of irritation. “Just why the hell are you lying to me when I clearly know the truth? Or are you perhaps trying to cover up for those girls? Is that the case here?”
She paused for a second before, shaking her head in disapproval. “No.”
“Then, what’s the cause here? Why are you lying to me? Those girls were speaking ill of you. And that’s wrong you know right? They can’t talk like that about anyone!”
“What’s the harm? They were right anyway,” Emilia mumbled, looking up to meet my eye. “I was a fool for trying out clothes of young girls. Of course, they won’t suit me. I was going way out of my limits and they brought me back to reality. That’s great. I’m thankful to them.”
Is she blind to the situation here? They insulted her and she’s happy?
“Emilia,” I placed my hands on her shoulders, observing her face. “It’s your wish to wear whatever clothes that you want. However, you want to dress up. There’s no way outsiders can advise you on that. So, stop telling me they did the right thing by speaking badly about you. Why do you have to take the blame anyway? You are hating on yourself too much!”
A tear ran down her cheek as she raised her face to look up.
She was on the verge of breaking down in tears any minute.
“What else can I do than just hate? When there’s nothing good that I like about myself?” she sobbed, her voice cracking up.
“You think there’s nothing good about you?”
“Yes, there’s nothing good about me. I hate myself the most. Have you seen my wrinkles? Have you seen how saggy my skin is? Have you seen the hidden grey streaks in my hair which I try my best to hide? Have you noticed my back pains and how ragged my breath becomes when I take the stairs? I’m no longer young and cheerful anymore. Everything is taken away from me, all the good things! Do you understand how painful it is?”
She spoke aloud all the things that had been lingering on her mind. Probably, they were haunting her for many years. And yet she’s been dealing with them in secret without asking anyone for help.
She’s so strong. She doesn’t ask for help easily. And that’s one of the remarkable features she has. It’s not easy to be strong, cause even the most strong people out there sometimes break when faced with sheer pressure.
Still, she endured it. But, you don’t have to be so strong anymore. It’s alright if you can’t bear it. You are allowed to complain.
“So, what if you aren’t young anymore?” I asked, looking at her straightforwardly.
She stared at me with a frown.
“What if your skin is sagging or you have white streaks in your hair? What if you have wrinkles freckles or even scars? What if you have joint pains or back pains? They are all a part of you that you can’t deny. Then, what’s the point of hating them?”
“But”
“Everyone ages with time. It’s as simple as that. If every one of us could slow down our aging process, it surely would’ve been great. But, we can’t do that. Then, why should we hate the process of growing old? Just because you hate it doesn’t mean you won’t grow old right? Then, why would you hate yourself for it? Why take the meaningless blame?”
She tried to speak up but couldn’t gather the words to defend herself, in the end falling silent.
I sighed, lifting her face by the chin. “Look into my eyes.”
She slowly raised her eyes staring into them. I could still see the hint of doubt present in them.
“If you ask me, I never once noticed the things that you mentioned you hate. Your wrinkles, your white streaks, your sagging skin, nothing! I never noticed that you had then until you said it today.”
Her brows raised in shock. “What?”
“Cause you always look the same to me no matter how much time it passes, No matter how much you age. You’ll always look the same beautiful Emilia which I knew before. You aren’t aging in my eyes, don’t worry about it.”
For a split second, I could see her blushing. Her cheeks turned a bitter shade of red hearing my words, which I knew she needed to hear at that time.
“You think I’m not aging? You don’t mind that I’m aging?” she mumbled, holding my hand.
“Are you stupid? Of course, I won’t mind it! And you are stupid for thinking that only you are aging except for everybody around you. All of us are aging, but slowly unnoticeably, but still yes. It’s not like we can avoid it. So, stop complicating things further! You are fine the way you are! Got it?”
She halted for a second before asking, “Then, you think I’m beautiful even when I’m growing old?”
“Yes! How many times do I have to tell you that? You are great!” I said in a reassuring tone.
“Then, what about the things that those girls said? Don’t you also feel that your life has become miserable staying with me? Don’t you feel that you could’ve managed to find a better life partner than me? Someone more beautiful, youthful, and young. Who could have managed to give you your own real family instead of raising someone else’s daughter? Don’t you feel that I’m unqualified to be the wife of someone young handsome and successful like you? You never thought of finding a replacement for me?”
I get it all now. She has always felt insecure about everything, including our marriage and relationship. And here I thought she was living quite carefreely since she moved into the house.
Guess, I was wrong.
She’s been burdened with so many unnecessary thoughts which she never shared with me. And why did I fail to notice her suffering? Aren’t I supposed to be her husband? Despite our age gap, it’s still a marriage!
“You are quiet,” she added. “It’s because you feel the same right? Do you also think that I’m way out of your league? Do you think I’m an old hag not suited to stand beside you as your wife? I’m ruining your life by making you look after me and my daughter. And you are forced to play this fake game of marriage because you can’t bear to abandon me, right? Because of how kind you are! Tell me, I’m right?”
“You are wrong!” I yelled, pushing my hand away from her face. “You are very wrong!”
“How am I wrong?” she asked with a hint of disbelief in her expression. “There’s no way a man can say he didn’t ruin his life by marrying me! Peter used to say it all the time!”
“Peter?”
When she realized what she said just now, her face went pale for a minute. She tried to think of a way to cover up the situation but had no room for arguments.
“I”
“Did you see your ex-husband recently?” I asked.
She shook her head, lowering her gaze. “No, I haven’t seen him in a long time.”
“Then, have you been thinking about him lately?”
She didn’t reply.
“Is he the reason you are questioning whether this marriage and our relationship is genuine or not?”
She bit her lips out of frustration.
I freed her hand, retiring to my seat. We both sat in silence for a few minutes to reconcile our thoughts.
When we were both calm down, I started speaking.
“I’m not like Peter. Nor, do I ever wish to be like Peter. I don’t know what he’s like as I never met him before. But, I know that he’s not a good person for leaving behind his family so easily. Mostly when you also had a daughter together. Anyway, that’s not my right to step into your matter.”
“Dave!” She interrupted, placing her on top of mine. “We are married. You have every right to talk about my past relationship. I won’t mind it. Don’t talk as if you are a stranger.”
I glanced in her direction. “But you definitely made me feel like one by when you called yourself and Aileen a stranger to me.”