I’d never felt as though I had a bad relationship with floors. Four times out of ten I’d choose to sit on the floor rather than my bed, there was never any reasoning behind it, it was just something I had done. But now, as I sat here, on this floor, I couldn’t help but hold a feeling of resentment towards the inanimate object.
The agony it caused my body seemed to be never ending. But then again, I was deflecting. It wasn’t about the floor, it wasn’t even about Noah. It was about me. Because some twisted, demented part inside of me was praying Noah would just give me a physical punishment. Anything that would get me out of this torture, in my mind if Noah punished me, at least he would be communicating with me in some way. And that seemed so much better than this.
All I had was his silence, and the gut wrenching feeling of his disappointment that lingered in the air, suffocating me. The only thing keeping me company was the screeching of my thoughts, bouncing around inside my head.
During these past couple hours, I felt hopeless, excluding that single moment when I had subconsciously shifted my position, so that my back was leaning against his legs. Once I had realised what I had done I froze, scared I was about to set him off again. But, as he brought his hand down to pat my head for a couple of moments, I couldn’t help the feeling of relief and bliss that filled me. In the back of my mind, I knew I probably resembled a pet and when my gaze lifted to meet James, I could tell by the amused glint in his eyes that I did.
I wanted to hate it, I wanted so badly to hate him. I wanted more than anything to hate me. And yet, I couldn’t. I had just watched footage of him murdering two human beings, human beings with feelings and with families, with hopes and dreams and still, all I wanted was his approval.
The tears stung at my eyes as I remembered the last words he had said to me. “Maybe me coming back for you was a mistake”. A whimper unconsciously slipped past my lips as the pain in my chest became startling intense. I didn’t think much of the movement from my side until Noah’s hand clasped around the back of my neck. Gently tilting my head to face him as my teary eyes stared up at him.
“Tsk” he shook his head, grabbing me from my waist and hoisting me onto his lap, my face hiding in the crook of his neck. “What’s with the waterworks little bug” he hummed, rubbing circles on my back. I hiccuped as my crying began to cease, “I-I don’t l-like when you’re mad at m-me” I sniffled quietly.
“Shh, it’s okay, I’m not mad anymore, you’ve learnt your lesson haven’t you babygirl?” His tone indicated that it was more of a statement than a question, nonetheless I weakly nodded against his chest. I couldn’t help but think that the heat radiating off his body was nice, as well as the bodily contact with something other than the floor.
“Come on, let’s get dinner”, rubbing my eyes I ignored my questioning mind at how much time could have passed and simply went with it.
Throughout dinner, he spoke to me as if nothing had happened today, as painful as it should have been I was ecstatic. He wasn’t mad at me, he was giving me attention and being caring towards me, he was giving me everything I had craved from somebody while he was gone. I wasn’t annoyed at myself for enjoying it because I knew I would have reacted this way no matter who it came from and it wasn’t my fault that it happened to be him.
The dooming reality that I was about to be married seemed to slip my mind at some time during the day, but I was never lucky enough to escape from it for too long. It always hit at the wrong moments, or maybe Noah just threw it at me in the wrong moments.
The time after dinner was peaceful, if I was to take a wild guess I would say that it was coming up to ten o’clock at night. “Here drink this” Noah strode over to me, a mug in his hand. Eyeing the liquid suspiciously, I lifted my gaze back to Noah. “What is it?” I could tell it was hot based on the steam rising from it but it didn’t resemble any sort of drink I knew. “It’s just a little something to help you sleep” placing the mug down on the coffee table he took a seat beside me on the sofa.
Shooting into an upright position, I could feel my mind enter panic mode, sensing my unease, he explained further. “We both know you aren’t going to get any sleep tonight with the thought of the wedding being tomorrow, and it’s going to be a big day, so I made this for you to help you sleep,” my mouth was agape at his unbothered tone.
All I could focus on was the terrible outcomes that could follow me consuming that drink. Our relationship had come a long way in some aspects but the trust wasn’t fully back.
“Noah, I-Im not drinking that, I’ll be fine, I can go to sleep by myself-“, I flinched away from his glare as that stone cold expression took over his face once again. “Embry” his tone was threatening, so much that it had a lump forming in my throat and tears scratching at my eyes, but I knew I couldn’t afford to be intimidated into something like this.
The unknown terrified me, if it scared me more than Noah I had yet to figure out but for now I was going to stand my ground on this. “N-noah, I really don’t feel comfortable drinking it, please d-don’t make me” my voice had that scratchy tone you get before you start crying, that didn’t seem to bother him though.
“Was once not enough today?” My face contorted with confusion at his question, “do you just enjoy upsetting me?” My heart sank once again but this time I couldn’t let my brain follow it. “Crap Noah, why c-can’t you just respect that I don’t want to” at this stage the tears were making their way down my face. I really didn’t do well with confrontation.
My insides pinched up in anxiety as the menace fell from his face and in its place there was a smile. Not just any smile, one of his psychotic bone chilling smirks. “You’re right, I respect that you don’t want to drink that, it would just make things easier for you so are you sure you don’t want to drink it?” His tone held concern but his eyes held excitement.
“I-, yes, I’m sure, sleeping won’t be too hard, I’m already a little tired, it’s just been a long day but thank you f-for thinking of me though,” giving a sheepish nod I let myself sink back into the couch, pride filling me at my ability to stand my ground.
I let myself relax as Noah returned to the kitchen with the mug. Embry-1, Noah-0, well that’s if we aren’t to count the many other billion battles I have lost against him but I’ll take my victories as they come.
I smiled up at him as he re-entered the room, my mood having been lifted significantly, my tears non-existent now. It was only when he was a couple steps from me did I notice the small object in his hand.
Oh no. Please no. Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t. “N-noah, w-what are you doing with that?” I could feel my core shaking with fear as I scrambled as far away from him as I could. “When I said you drinking the drink would make things easier, I didn’t mean sleep” his face was stoic as he lifelessly stared at my quivering form. “I d-don’t like needles, r-remember” I bolted off the couch, attempting to create as much distance between us.
“You left me no choice Embry, you know better than to argue with me” he seemed to get closer with every moment, I could feel my heart thrumming in my throat as I was backed into the wall. “Please don’t Noah, I really, really don’t like needles” I could feel the blood draining from my face as he showed no sign of giving up. “Crap, sh*t, Noah stop please” my palms were sweaty as I held them out in front of me as a means of protection.
“I’ll drink the drink, okay, please just-“, “I don’t know if I should be as kind as to give you a second chance Embry, you were so good this past week and then the past day or so you’ve just been such a spoilt brat, I must be going too easy on you” he spit, anger now the most prominent emotion on his features.
“I-I don’t mean to, I’m sorry, b-but that’s why I need you b-because you help me learn, I know I should have drank the drink, I just need you to push me in the right direction sometime, isn’t t-that what you al-always say.” I forced a smile, praying to every god up there this would work. My rambling usually does the trick but seeing that thing ready to jab into me is putting me off my game.
“Hmm, I suppose you’re right, I guess I have been doing a good job training you lately.” I could feel my chest inflating with hope at the direction this conversation was going, “but if I stopped the discipline now, you simply wouldn’t learn little bug.”
Before I could open my mouth to protest I felt the stabbing sensation in my forearm. My sobs burned my throat as I clutched onto the tainted skin, I could feel myself get weak and it wasn’t because of what was in the needle. The *sshole knows I don’t do well with needles.
I must have blacked out for a couple of moments as I opened my eyes to find myself on the ground. My head thumping wildly in my skull, “hmm, I suppose that could have gone better, I didn’t exactly expect you to pass out on me.”
“Y-you’re cruel Noah, what did you expect then, this is the second time” gathering my breath and energy I maintained my glare on him, “the se-second time you’ve done that and you got lucky I forgave you last time, I don’t want to talk to you again, I don’t want to look at you again and I sure as hell don’t want to marry you” I groaned at the groggy feeling consuming my mind.
Noah’s grip on my windpipe barely having an effect as I could feel myself losing control over my own body. I wasn’t sure if darkness consumed me because of the injection or the lack of air due to Noah’s choke hold but I welcomed it nonetheless, anything to get away from him.
We aren’t even married yet and I already want a divorce.