Opening the door that sat to the side of us he shoved me inside. Screwing my eyes shut I waited for the impact of the ground to hit me. Eventually it did, but not quite the way I had imagined, instead I was met with a soft padding. Squinting to see what little I could in the dark room, I relied on the light from the open door.
White cushioning was secured to every surface of the room, the floor, walls and ceilings. It was oddly familiar, it reminded me of some place I couldn’t quite remember. “Call me when you’re ready to start acting in an appropriate manner” Noah snarled before shutting the door in my fear-stricken face.
“Wait, no, Noah! Please I’m sorry” I practically wailed out, banging my fists against the door as the locks slid into place. I was never one for the dark, something about it turned my insides so intensely it had me wanting to tear my skin off. Choked sobs rang out around the confined space.
Clutching my chest I tried to ease the sharp pain that came with every breath. It wasn’t working. Slumping against the wall I slide onto the floor, not able to support my own body weight.
Frantically I looked in search of five things I could see, but only one thing came to mind. Darkness. I should have learned more tactics to deal with panic attacks but it was a bit late now. I knew I needed to ride it out but it was such an intense, never-ending feeling.
I felt doomed. The invisible boulder sitting on my chest kept increasing in weight, then I saw it, the small amount of lighting shining through a barred window at the opposite end of my jail.
I knew why this place was so familiar.
I have been here before.
*Flashback* (A couple days short of a year ago)
“We should drop out of school” I sighed dramatically, slinging the overweight bag on my back. “Babygirl, if I had a dollar for every time you said that then I would be able to drop out, youngest billionaire alive” Noah smirked, pushing me to the side slightly.
“iF i HaD a DoLlAr fOr eVeryTIme- not very supportive of you Noah James Hill” I mocked, letting the school door shut behind me. “Only the best for the love of my life” he teased.
“I think we should go get milkshakes if I really am the love of your life” I winked, making my third attempt of the day to try to convince him to get milkshakes with me. Getting a laugh in response I took it as a good sign. Slinging his arm around my shoulder as we walked out to the school car park he placed a quick kiss on my temple.
“How could I say no to such a pretty face?” It was his turn to wink now, as it was my turn to shove him to the side. It didn’t do much seeing as he was about half a foot taller than me and 40 pounds heavier than me.
“Embry” a voice called from behind us, both turning around my eyes fell on a boy I had lab partnered with earlier in the morning for biology.
Tensing I peered over to Noah trying to gauge his reaction, as if I didn’t already know what it would be. As I assumed, not pretty. “Hey Keith” I smiled trying to swallow down the heavy feeling that entered me.
“I was just wondering, seeing as we have to do the project and all together if I could have your phone number to arrange a time and place to meet up and work on it” he asked nervously, noticing the hard glare Noah was sending in his direction.
“Noah, I’ll just be a second if you want to wait in the car” I forced a smile as his glare was momentarily directed at me before he changed to his usual soft way of looking at me. “Fine” he huffed, half stomping away. Releasing a breath, I could feel myself relax, “sorry about him, he’s just hangry” I sheepishly smiled.
“No need to apologise, that was probably one of the nicer interactions I’ve had with him”, handing him my phone I looked away in embarrassment. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that” I frowned, reaching to retract my phone.
“You’re a really nice girl Embry, I think maybe you should reconsider dating and being friends with the likes of Noah” with a nod he retreated out the school gates as I was left pondering the interaction.
Stop hanging out with Noah? Keith didn’t know what he was talking about, Noah isn’t good around people that was all. He had never treated me badly, maybe Noah was right and I did need to stop listening to so many of these people at school.
Approaching the car I could see Noah was having an intense conversation over the phone. “I know it isn’t the plan, look I have to go just make sure it’s ready, I’ll be there in two hours” ending his call as soon as I opened the door I waited in anticipation to figure out his current emotional state.
“I have to go somewhere today, but it’s the weekend and we have no homework, would you like to come for the drive with me, we can get milkshakes on the way” he offered, already knowing he had me at the word drive. I adored going on drives, it was one if not the most therapeutic things for me.
“What a dumb question to ask Mr. Hill, I love drives so of course” I grinned excitedly. Throwing my bag into the backseat I made a mental note to text my parents at five o’clock, the time they would be coming home from work, to let them know I’ll be home late.
Which they never have an issue with because they adore Noah. Buckling up I connected the radio to Noah’s speaker, it wasn’t a drive without music.
Stay away, away, away
Hide the sun
I will leave your face out of my mind
“So, you and Keith?” Noah raised an eyebrow as that sickly feeling churned back into my system.
You should save your eyes
A thousand voices howling in my head
“We’re lab partners for biology, you were late Thursday morning so Ms. Montgomery partnered us together for the project, I must have forgotten to mention it” I muttered the last part knowing it was a lie.
Speak in tongues
I don’t even recognise your face
I tried to focus on the song that played throughout the car rather than the tensing of Noah’s body, or the tightening of his grip on the steering wheel and especially not how his jaw clenched.
Mirror on the wall
Tell me all the ways to stay away, away, away
And stay away, away, away
“So what, you two will just be hanging out alone together?” his voice was slightly strained as if he was trying to hold himself together. My mouth felt as if it were getting dryer by the second.
Dig a hole
Firework exploding in my hands
“Just three times next week after school, then after that we probably will go back to not talking” I smiled trying to reassure him. Examining the car’s surroundings I estimate there was still another five minutes of painful conversation before we stopped to get milkshakes.
If I could paint the sky
Well all the stars would shine a bloody red
“Well, no matter, I’m sure it will all work out” and with that he relaxed again. The silence filled the car as we rolled up to the cafe. I felt more unsettled by how he just dropped the matter, lately he had been having more of these jealousy episodes but it had never just turned off like that.
Stay away, away, away
And stay away, away, away
And stay away, I’m hearing voices all the time up in my mind
I’m hearing voices and they’re haunting my mind
And stay away, I’m hearing voices all the time up in my mind
I’m hearing voices all the time up in my mind
I shouldn’t be so pessimistic, it was a good thing. Noah would never do anything to hurt me, so I thanked him as he handed me my milkshake. Sipping away as he began driving again.
Completely oblivious to the substance he had dropped into my drink.
Black out days
I don’t recognise you anymore