DYLAN.
My spirit had left my body ever since the day it happened.
I didn’t know how I managed to mess it up; I didn’t mean to. I was planning on telling her everything. I planned to confess my feelings and then ask her to be my girlfriend officially but I fucked up things.
She fucking had to see it before I could get rid of the page! I don’t know any other explanation about the universe being fucked up than that.
I wonder why it was when I decided I needed to tell her that she saw it, and everything fell apart.
I miss her so much. I miss her so much that it hurts.
I want her; that’s all I do. I don’t know how I’ve been keeping myself from going to talk to her these last few days. I probably knew that it was a bad idea.
I felt so guilty and fucked up.
And I have to go through the torture of seeing her every day; it’s driving me insane. The thought of not being able to have her to myself the way I did previously, not exactly exclusively, but we had our moments, and I cherished it.
But I didn’t have any of that again, and it was fucking with my sanity. Real bad.
I’ve not slept well in days, which was another thing that was giving me issues.
I couldn’t believe that there would be a day that I would be so disoriented over a girl the way I am presently. Even when I thought I had feelings for Valerie, it never bothered me this much.
I was torn between decisions. Should I approach her and have a conversation with her? Was it a good idea? Would she talk to me or not? Would she ignore me if I approached her? These questions were swimming in my mind, and I won’t find answers to them unless I took a step.
But taking a step would require much courage, and I found that many things scared me when it came to Amelia.
I looked at her; she was talking with Ava, the transfer student.
They were by her locker; they laughed about something I didn’t know.
But I was transfixed on Amelia’s sight. She was so beautiful, a total sight to sore eyes.
I had never thought of her as anything less than that; the improvement on her body made her look more chic….
I wasn’t sure if that was the English I should use for her now. I always liked the way she was, I mean the thick skin, thick curves, plump cheeks and all that.
Though I had thought that if we got to date each other, she would work on herself a bit for the sake of her health, I would have loved it if there was still a little bit of belly fat. I loved that she was chubby.
I think that’s why I started getting attracted to her.
I remember the first time she showed up in class with her new body, the moment I saw her. I could tell that there was a change, and I noticed it immediately; her chubby cheeks were gone. All that was left was a set of high cheekbones that were perfect.
I liked her either way, but I still preferred the way she looked before because that was the Amelia I fell in love with and not some perfect pretty girl.
I knew no one was perfect so there wasn’t any valid reason why she had to change herself.
Suddenly, she looked towards my direction, and our gaze locked.
Fuck, she has the most perfect eyes. Ever.
As I concealed my expression, I wasn’t sure what my expression read, but I found myself expressionless whenever she stared at me. Maybe because I didn’t want her to see the pain I felt at just looking at her.
I saw an emotion pass through her eyes before it went blank.
And she looked away, but I couldn’t do the same thing. I couldn’t look away; she had me in a spell.
Suddenly, I felt a presence by my side, but I still couldn’t look away from Amelia’s figure. After a few seconds, something else stood before me, blocking me from the magnificent sight I had just a few seconds ago. I was about to curse the person out, but then I looked at who it was and realised it was Valerie.
I rolled my eyes and swung my backpack across my shoulders.
“What do you want, Valerie?” I asked her with zero interest in my voice.
“Oh, wow. Now you can roll your eyes at me huh?” She asked me, and I just sighed.
“I roll my eyes almost all the time. What do you want?” I asked as I moved away from where I was staring at Amelia just a few seconds ago.
“I’ve seen the little puppy eyes you’ve given Amelia these days. Are you in love with her now?” She asked me as she followed me.
I sighted her minions; they made the turn we did.
“What if I was?” I asked her, arching my thick brows.
“I’d say you’re shallow. So that means you like her because of her new body, which is all fake and plastic, by the way.” She responded.
“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Valerie. Whatever makes you sleep at night then take it as it is.” I told her, but she still kept following me as I left the classroom.
“You can’t like her. Don’t you remember the way she looked like? The thought alone should repulse and disgust you.” She said in a disgusting tone.
“Sadly, no. It doesnt repulse or disgusts me. But if it repulses you that much. Could you stay away from her? Stop hurting her and frustrating her? Just leave her alone.” I said and walked off.
I gave myself kudos for not losing it with her because I was about to get angry.
But I didn’t let just anyone pull emotions from me; for me to show you my feelings, you must be very important to me.
And Valerie was the last person on my important list if she’s even there.
I needed to get drunk or something. I need Amelia out of my head, even if it was for a couple of hours. I need it badly.
Because honestly, I could go crazy at this point. Thankfully, my parents weren’t home yet.