ENZO DE-LUCA.
Holding her so close to me, it was so obvious that I didn’t want to let her go, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. She smelled of me and it was intoxicating to perceive my scent on her.
Her body felt so fragile in my embrace and it was almost as though she was going to break if I held her too tight and so, I released my grip.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered as I buried my face in the nape of her neck, “you don’t deserve any of this, you really don’t.” I added.
The same question rang in my head more times than I could count. Why am I doing this? Why am I apologizing when I know that I might go back to making the same mistake.
“You make me feel like I have a hold on you and-”
“You kind of do,” Maeve cut in before I could finish what I wanted to say, “I have to pay your debt or I would never be able to leave.” She added, her voice void of all kinds of emotion.
My chest tightened and my fingertips trembled as I moved my arm away from her and in one swift movement, Maeve lifted her gaze to meet mine.
Her eyes were clouded with the tears glistening in them and the sight was enough to kill me a million times because I knew that I was the reason for those tears.
“Why do you do this?” She asked, her expression serious, brows drawing together and the tears getting even more intense as her eyes bore into me.
She looked like she was staring right into my soul from my eyes as she waited for an answer, my mouth opened but I couldn’t say anything.
Maybe because I had nothing to say, I didn’t want to come off as selfish to her, I didn’t want her to hate me even though that seemed like what I actually wanted.
“Why do you switch between hot and cold?” She went on with her questions that I probably can’t answer, “you make me lose my mind, Enzo; why?” She added.
“I- I was-”
“I sent you away because you had said those awful things to me and I hated you and then, while I was trying to convince myself that I can do this, that my feelings don’t matter, you show right up.”
“How hard do you want to keep making this for me? Just how hurt and broken do you want me to be?” She continued, each word like a sharp edged knife cutting through my chest.
“I know, it’s not your fault, none of this is, I shouldn’t love you this much and I swear that I didn’t mean to,” she paused and took her lower lip in her mouth.
“It may not look like it but I’m trying my best trying to unlearn how to love you, I’m putting so much effort into trying to forget how you make me feel but if you keep showing up like this….” Her voice trembled as it trailed off.
The tears that welled up in her eyes trickled down her eyes little by little and I have never wanted to run away from something like I wanted to do now.
I didn’t want to see her cry, especially not if I’m the reason she’s crying.
“I know we agreed, this was supposed to be a no strings thing and I was okay with it until the very first day you told me you loved me.”
“Maybe it meant nothing to you, maybe it was a lie but all my walls came crashing down and somehow, I couldn’t control this immense feeling that I have for you.”
She wasn’t giving me the chance to say anything and from the way her eyes bore into me, I knew that it was probably better if I didn’t say anything.
“And then after everything, after the entire insults and all, you come back to me, looking at me like that, with eyes that just seem to pierce through my guard.”
“Do you know?” She hiccuped, her tears uncontrollable now, “I can’t even say No to you because, well, because it’s you.” She paused as she pressed her lips together.
“Maeve, I was just-”
“Why, Enzo?” She interrupted before I could say anything, “Why do you act like a jerk and then switch up like it’s nothing?” She finished, actually waiting for an answer.
“Because I wanted to protect you,” I responded, my heart thudding, beating like a drum and my blood gushing so fast that I could literally hear it rushing through my veins.
“And I don’t know how, most times, I forget just how to protect things that I am…..” I took in a deep breath, “things that I’m attached to and when I actually do protect those things, it comes back to bite me in the ass.” I finished.
Memories of what happened in the past flashed through my mind and I tried to shake it off, pushing it to the deepest, darkest part of my mind.
“Being resigned, taking a step forward and ten steps backward is my own way of protecting you,” I went on, “it’s not easy on me like you might have thought, it’s actually really hard.” I couldn’t stop myself.
“I lose control when I’m with you, I don’t even know myself anymore, I don’t know who I am, that’s how much hold you have on me.”
Why am I talking? I could just apologize and get this over with.
“I was always good with being alone, I was always okay being in my own space but then you came around and it became the hardest thing I could bring myself to do.”
“Whenever I’m away from you, it hurts so much, takes so much toll on me and most times I just fucking feel like I’m losing my own mind to an extent I fight the urge every single day to keep my skin on my bone.”
“It’s hard for me too, Maeve! It’s not easy at all!” My heart raced, breathing paced and words gushed out of my mouth, “I’m falling apart, MAEVE!”
“EVEN RIGHT NOW, I’M FALLING APART RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, MAEVE, CAN’T YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?!” I had no idea how loud I was being until her pupils dilated in what seemed like realization.
“I’m addicted to you, so fucking addicted and being away from you has been nothing but torture but this is a sacrifice I have to make because-”
“BECAUSE YOU THINK I’M SO PATHETIC THAT YOU HAVE TO KEEP PROTECTING ME?!” She yelled, her eyes red with rage as she glared at me.
“Would you just stop using that as an excuse! What in the world makes you think I need protection from anything, what do you-”
“THE FACT THAT YOU’RE WITH ME IS THE REASON YOU NEED TO BE PROTECTED!” I was losing my mind, at this point I wouldn’t be able to get the peaceful sleep I can only get when she’s in the room.
“Do you know how incredibly pathetic my life would be if they tried to hurt you to get to me?” My head hurts so much that I feel like it’s going to explode.
“I can’t let that happen.” I finished as I pinched the bridge of my nose, I haven’t been sleeping for days, fatigue already settled in the pockets under my eyes.
I was so tired that my nerve throbbed, this should be the moment of peace that I wanted but instead, I’m wasting it on an argument with the one person that could relieve me of this stress.
“I don’t want to get in your way, Enzo, I never wanted to,” Maeve’s voice was low, sounding like music to my ears as she snuggled up to me, “you don’t have to protect me.” She finished.
What the hell is she saying? Did she not hear what I just said?
“I’m with you and I’m more than a hundred percent sure that I don’t need protection as long as I’m with you because you won’t let anyone hurt me.” She finished.
She’s right, I’d rather die than let any of my rivals get to her but still, I can’t put her on the spot like that.
“That’s why I’m positive that I’m safe, you should take it on yourself too.” She finished and I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say anymore and so I held her.
I sighed, tired, exhausted and although my eyes fought to stay awake, I knew they were going to lose the fight.
“I’m. Sorry.” I managed, feeling as hollow as my voice sounded and I could swear that I felt her lips graze my cheek and my forehead and then my lips.
“I love you, Enzo De-Luca.” That was the last thing I heard Maeve say before I drifted into wisps of sleep.
Everywhere felt so calm and peaceful, I could hear my slow breathing until I couldn’t anymore and just like that, everywhere went silent.
__________________
Groaning, I tried to turn but felt something hard on my chest, holding me down softly and looking down, a smile took over my face as I looked at Maeve sleeping peacefully with her head on my chest.
Her rich hair was scattered all over my chest and her lips parted a little each time she breathed.
She looked more delicate and ethereal than ever and if I could, I was going to stop time just so that I could stare at her face for as long as I wanted.
Slowly, I managed to get her head off my chest and got out of bed carefully so that I wouldn’t wake her up.
“This is really what peace feels like.” I muttered to myself as I put on my boxer shorts and jean trousers before reaching for my phone in the pocket.
I had over fifteen missed calls from both Yvette and Levi and one message from Yvette brought me back to my senses.
“FUCK!” I groaned in a whisper before bolting out of the room, still as carefully as I could so that I wouldn’t wake Maeve.
I got too carried away.