Ever since we came back from our honeymoon trip, I had barely been able to spend any time at home. I had been buried under so many piles of paperwork and never-ending lines of meetings for these last couple of days that I found myself spending less than 6 hours at home these days.
In addition to the current quarter closing within a week, a bizarre amount of issues suddenly came up in the outer families. Their companies had all sorts of problems ranging from missing papers involving my company to incorrectly filed numbers that caused the stocks to bounce up and down even though they were sure that they had personally input it correctly.
It was unlike me not to be able to finish my work, but I found myself leaving early for work at 5 AM in the morning to carve out time to fix confidential paperwork that only I could handle. But my meetings would stretch so late, trying to sort out all the mishaps, that I wouldn’t be able to reach home until midnight.
Jane had tried to convince me to stay at my old apartment in the city for the time being, saying that I would be able to get an extra one to two hours of sleep without the commute. But I refused.
Maybe it was immature of me, but the knowledge that I would be able to see my angels at the end of the day was the only thing keeping me sane through the incessant amount of issues rising all at the same time.
They would try to stay up for me, even though I told them not to, which only resulted in me finding them passed out on the sofa in the living under a mound of blankets every night. I would chuckle softly at the adorable sight, feeling the day’s stress instantly melting away, before carrying them upstairs and tucking them back into bed.
I was lucky to have Jane as my wife. Any other person would’ve gotten fed up with my rushed messages and lack of presence at home by now, but she would simply kiss me in the haze of her sleepiness, reassuring me that everything would eventually get sorted out, and remind me to eat the leftover dinner that she had saved for me.
It both melted and tore my heart every time she did this.
Even though she had to work too, she had also been taking over caring for Liam, keeping the house clean, and making dinner all by herself so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it. Giving me a clean home to come back to and a home-cooked meal to fill my stomach every night.
I wanted to pay her back in some way, to show her how much I appreciated her effort, but I would always be buried in even more work the next day.
However, I finally managed to resolve the last of the issues early today.
Smacking the enter key, I sent off the last email containing a contract signed off with my name, marking both the end of this bizarre sudden rise of mishaps and this quarter.
I glanced at the clock, noting the short hand’s position at four, and eagerly started gathering my items. I could finally go back home and spend time with my treasures.
Slipping my phone and keys into my back pocket, I grabbed my coat and started to make my way out of my office.
However, to my poor luck, I was faced with another person that I definitely didn’t want to see the moment I opened my office door, making my mood immediately plummet at the sight.
Trying very hard to hide my displeasure, I politely greeted, “Hello, Cassy. How can I help you today?”
Her eyes sparkled when they caught sight of me. “H-Hi, Rafael. I-I was just in the neighborhood and w-wanted to drop by to check on you. I h-heard that you were pretty busy with work, so I bought a small tres leches cake for you from a nearby bakery, h-hoping that it might help lift your mood.”
I courteously accepted that gift from her stretched-out hand. “Thank you, Cassy. I don’t really like sweets that much, but I’m sure Jane will love it. She’s been craving sweet dairy products more than usual recently.”
She pulled her hand back into her chest, lowering her eyes. She muttered softly, “I’m glad she will enjoy it…”
I nodded agreeably, “Is there anything else you need?”
“…” She shuffled nervously but didn’t say anything.
“Um… I’ll be leaving first then… I finished work early today so I wanted to surprise Jane by picking her up from her office today.” I made a move to turn around, “I’ll see you around, Cassy.”
But before I could even take a step, my arm was suddenly pulled back, making me turn around in confusion. Cassy flushed under my gaze and stammered, “W-wait, I-I actually have s-something I wanted to talk to you about. Will you spare me a bit of time?”
I pursed my lips as I glanced at my watch. With a sigh, I relented and opened my door wider for her to enter my office, “I guess I could spare a few minutes.”
A wave of relief washed over her features. She quietly thanked me as she ducked under my arm and walked into my office.
She stood awkwardly in the middle of my office, shifting from one foot to the other.
I motioned to the sofa in my office, trying to ease her nerves. “Please relax and take a seat.”
She stiffly followed my direction, barely even sitting on the edge of the sofa.
I placed my coat aside as I sat in the chair across from her. For some reason, she was really fidgety, mindlessly picking at her fingers, anxiously fluttering her eyes over everything in my office except for my eyes.
I cleared my throat, catching her attention and making her eyes dart up to me. Not wanting to make her feel even more anxious, I gently asked, “What did you want to talk about?”
“I… uh…” Her hands scrunched up the fold of her dress as she struggled to meet my gaze. “H-how was your trip?”
I arched an eyebrow in question but still gave a polite response. “It was good. Jane and Liam really liked the snow in Switzerland, so I’m thinking of buying the house we stayed in as a winter vacation home.”
She nodded meekly. “Good… That’s good…”
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
She squeezed her fingers, still having trouble meeting my gaze. “I just wanted to spend a bit of time with you… To catch up with each other for a bit…”
Ah…
“I do apologize, Cassy, but I’m not someone who is very used to keeping up with friends.” Making a move to get up, I continued, “I will try to do better, but I had been really busy this last week and all I want is to see my wife now. Maybe we could plan an outing some other-”
My words fell when a pair of hands suddenly grabbed onto my shirt. Her hands were shaking almost as if she was holding onto her lifeline.
Her face was buried in my chest, hiding her expression. I tried to softly coax her hands off of me, but she refused to budge even in the slightest.
Although I was becoming quite proficient at reading Jane’s emotions, I still wasn’t all that good at deciphering other women’s feelings without an explicit explanation. I awkwardly tried, “Cassy, do mind letting go of me? I don’t mind helping you with whatever issue you may have but-”
“No…” Her small voice cut my words off. Her hands tightened against my shirt even more as she continued, “If I let you go, you’ll never come back again…”
Huh?
I faltered when she lifted her head, revealing her tear-filled eyes. “I had always been looking at you… Ever since we were children… But not once, did you ever look back at me… You always seemed so far out of reach, so uninterested in everything, that I thought I could live with just being content by your side…”
Her face held so much pain that I found myself left speechless, unable to form any words of consolation.
She was the one that Jane told me about… The one that I had been oblivious about all this time…
A broken laugh escaped from her lips as she dropped her head against my chest. “Aren’t I pathetic? Pining for a man who never once looked my way…”
I didn’t know what to say. What could I even tell her to ease her pain when I couldn’t reciprocate her feelings?
I never meant to hurt her.
All I could do was stand there silently and let her cry her heart out.
“Why did you just have to go and fall in love with someone else while I was gone?” She laughed weakly at herself and continued, “She was so nice that I couldn’t even be mad at her. No matter what I said or did, she always let me off the hook for it, letting me cling to you even though she knew about my feelings for you.”
I pursed my lips, not feeling comfortable with knowing that she had been harassing Jane like that, even if Jane acted like she didn’t care about it.
I tried to gently push her off of me. “Cassy…”
But she didn’t budge and only clung to me harder, shaking her head furiously. “Please just let me talk. I need closure even if my feelings for you may never be returned…”
I sighed and dropped my hands, letting her continue.
“Just tell me… If you had never met her, do you think you would’ve ever looked my way?”
I pressed my lips into a thin line and truthfully told her, “Probably not… I might’ve married you just to fulfill my duty, but I wouldn’t have ever loved you the way I love Jane…”
Her fingers tightened, stretching my shirt even thinner than before. She looked up at me and brokenly tried to argue, “But I studied hard to get a good master’s degree to be useful to you… I learned etiquette and tried to be beautiful so you would not have to be ashamed of me… I always made sure to take care of myself and wore heels so I could look good next to you… I tried so hard to be someone you could love… So why are you so sure that you would never be able to love me? Is there just something fundamentally wrong with me?”
I sighed and carefully peeled her fingers off of my shirt, calmly explaining, “There’s nothing wrong with you, Cassy… You just fell for the wrong person…”
“But…” She stared up at me with a pained expression, whispering softly, “I just don’t understand why… Why her… What does she have that I don’t…”
I hated it…
I hated the look on her face…
I hated how broken she looked at the moment… Nothing like the strong woman I knew… All because of me…
I gently lowered her hand and softly explained, “I had always felt like the world was in black and white… That my only duty was to carry out my family’s heritage… But Jane makes me want to do more… She makes me feel alive… It isn’t just one thing but all of her… Even if we died, I’m sure I would still find her again in another lifetime, so I hope you can let me go and find someone else who can give you his entire heart. It is the least you deserve.”
“I… I will let you go if… if that is your wish…” Her lower lip wavered at her broken words.
She looked up at me, raking across my face as if she was trying to store every feature in her memory one last time.
How could she love me so much without me ever noticing?
She closed her eyes as if she was savoring the image. Opening her eyes once again, she solemnly asked, “May I make one last request of you?”
Feeling guilty for all the pain I had caused her, I nodded.
She took a step closer to me until we were chest to chest. Standing a bit taller than Jane, the top of her head managed to at least reach my chin as she tilted her head up to look at me.
Her lips parted as if she was going to say something again, but nothing did ever come out.
Instead, she laced her arms around my neck and leaned up onto her toes, connecting our lips together before I could even react.
Almost as if to allow more unexpected events to occur, my phone suddenly started ringing at the same time.
But Cassy only tightened her hold on me, weaving her fingers into my hair, pressing her body even closer to mine, and pulling me down even closer to deepen the kiss.
When my mind finally registered what was happening, I immediately pushed her away from me and angrily exclaimed, “What the hell, Cassy?!”
I quickly wiped my mouth on the back of my sleeve, feeling utterly disgusted with having another woman’s lips on me.
She backed away from me, looking slightly frightened by my outburst, and stuttering, “I-I… I just….”
Ignoring her, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and found Jane’s profile picture flashed across my screen, buzzing repetitively as it rang.
I quickly answer the phone, not wanting to deal with Cassy anymore anyway. However, the other end of the line was nothing like I was expecting.
Instead of hearing Jane’s sweet voice on the other line, I was met with a series of dry heaves and a familiar little voice sobbing on the other side.
I immediately became more alert at the sound of Liam’s heart-wrenching sobs.
He was trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t make out what he was trying to tell me between his cries. He was so hysterical that all I could make out were the words “she”, “hurt”, and “not waking up.”
“Take a deep breath, Liam,” I cooed softly at him, trying to calm him down. “It’s going to be alright. Dad is here now. Just tell me what happened slowly.”
I heard a small breath release shakily from the other side until he finally managed to force out, “I-It’s mom… I t-tried to s-stop it, but s-she’s bleeding everywhere… She’s not w-waking up… I-I don’t know w-what to do…”
My body went rigid at his words.
No…
I can’t lose her… Not like this…
I frantically asked him, “Where are you, Liam?”
“I-In a stairwell at her work.”
I quickly grabbed my keys and instructed him, “Go find Uncle Benedict and tell him what happened.”
I heard a small shake on the other side as if he nodded, but I could tell how frazzled he was.
Trying to calm him down, I reassured him, “You did well, honey. We’re not going to lose her, okay?”
He let out another shaky breath and whispered, “Okay.”
“Good boy. Now end the call and go get Uncle Benedict. I’ll be there soon.”
I didn’t know I was holding my breath until I heard the other side of the phone click to an end, and I finally released my breath.
Not even sparing the woman in my office a second glance, I rushed out of the office with my keys and hurriedly called 911 as I made my way down.
A million thoughts were running through my mind.
Just what happened at work today?
She was supposed to be safe there.
Was Liam going to be alright?
Will I make it there in time?
But there was one line that prevailed over all else.
I can’t lose her.