Croissants. Croissant donuts. Pain au Chocolat. Baguettes.
It wasn’t exactly the type of sweets that they preferred…
Danary asked me if I wanted to join her and Liam on their weekend trips to a library, to which I eagerly accepted. Apparently, there was a lecture that Liam was interested in at the Morgan Library and Museum in midtown this week in particular, so she told me to wait in front of this french bakery shop near the library as a meeting point.
I had gotten here a bit earlier than planned and decided to look around the shop to pick out a few snacks, but I couldn’t decide what to get them.
Liam and his mother tended to like fruity desserts, which this bakery shop didn’t exactly have, leaving me confounded. Instead, the bakery had a lot of freshly baked bread, but I didn’t know what type of bread they liked.
Sourdough, wheat, or just normal? Soft or crusty? Lighter or darker bake?
Maybe I could get them baguettes, butter, and some specialty jams… They had freshly in-house made jams ranging from strawberry to apricots to-
“Rafael? I didn’t expect to see you here. What are you doing in midtown?” A pair of green eyes popped up in front of me. Benedict waved energetically at me as he blocked my field of vision with his big old messy head of hair.
I sighed and straightened up back. “It’s nothing.”
He eyed me skeptically. “What do you mean it’s nothing? You always refuse to come to midtown with me, saying it is too crowded with sight-seers.”
I stayed silent, unable to make any good excuse, and pretended to be debating between the different selections of jams on the counter.
“Hey, stop ignoring me! I haven’t heard from you since you ditched us at the market two weeks ago.”
I shrugged as I picked out a baguette, a jar of strawberry jam, and another jar that was fig-flavored. “I’ve just been busy.”
Benedict deadpanned, “You weren’t even home all last week. I would drop by in the evenings, but your apartment would always be empty and Joseph had told me you left the office already.”
Tossing a twenty to the cashier, I grumbled to Benedict, “You’re making it sound as if you’re my girlfriend.”
“IF I WASN’T, THEN WHO WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU?”
I rolled my eyes at his dramatic behavior and pulled the shrieking man-child out of the shop, away from the other patron’s staring eyes. Once we were outside, I lowly hissed, “I don’t need you to check up on me all the time. I’ve just had some personal things going on lately.”
“What short of personal-”
Before he could finish his sentence, Benedict was cut off by a familiar sweet little voice calling out my name from behind me.
“Rafael, I’m sorry for being late.” Danary was huffing lightly as she tried to catch her breath from running over to me. She was holding onto her usual cross-body bag in one hand and Liam’s hand in the other. “Did you have to wait long for-” Her eyes widened when I turned around to face her. “O-Oh, I-I d-didn’t know M-Mr. S-Serman was here.”
Benedict whipped his head back and forth between the two of us. “Wait, you and her? That can’t be right. You and sweet little Danary? A date? And… and… and… You have a child already?!?”
I winced at his high-pitched screeching and walked over to Danary.
She was trembling a bit from Benedict’s rude pointing and was gripping the strap of her bag a bit tighter than normal. Even Liam seemed to notice his mother’s rising anxiety with the way he protective stood a little more in front of her as to block her from Benedict as much as he possibly could.
I brushed my hand over her curtain bangs in an attempt to soothe her anxiety and gently wrapped my arm securely around her shoulder before turning back to Benedict. “As I said, I don’t need you to act like my girlfriend because I already have one.”
Benedict’s eyes darted back and forth. “B-But it’s you! Y-you’ve always been uninterested i-in w-women, s-so… s-so… what… this… huh?!”
I continued to rub soothing little circles on her shoulder with my thumb and mindlessly replied, “It’s not against the contract that I signed with your company for me to be in a relationship with one of your employees. Besides, I could also just buy your company if you want to make a fuss about it.”
Danary’s eyes widened ever so slightly at my words. She glanced up at me worriedly. “B-buy?”
Before I could reply, Benedict intercepted, “THAT’S NOT THE POINT! YOU DON’T DO WOMEN.”
I shot him a harsh glare, warning him to quiet down. If all the onlookers that his yelling had attracted weren’t enough, it was also making Danary more anxious than she needed to be.
He flinched at my sharp look and immediately lowered his voice, “I-I just m-meant that…”
I sighed and bluntly replied, “I officially started courting Danary two weeks ago, but we wanted to keep it quiet.”
“Two weeks ago… But you started disappearing two weeks ago… Wait a minute, have you been staying with-”
I cut him off before his mind could wander any further. “No, I’ve only been having dinner with them in the evening before going back to my apartment alone.” I sighed at his nonsense. “Look, we have somewhere to be, so we’ll be leaving now.”
I lightly nudged Danary’s shoulder, making her follow my lead as we started walking up north toward the library.
From behind us, Benedict hollered, “Does your mother about this?”
Continuing to walk away from him, I warned, “Not everything, and you will not be telling her if you know what’s good for you.”
I tightened my grip on Danary’s shoulder and quickened my pace ever so slightly.
Once we were out of range, I let out a sigh of relief and glanced down at Danary, noting her matching outfit with Liam. She was in a little plaid skirt with a fluffy cream-colored sweater, while Liam wore beige trousers with a similarly patterned knitted sweater vest as her skirt on top of a similar cream-colored long sleeve.
Noticing her nervous glances over her shoulder, I apologized, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was going to be there and happened to bump into him while waiting.”
She nodded meekly and worriedly glanced down at Liam before looking up at me. She bit her lower lip as if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t.
I reassured her, “I know that Benedict can be a bit overbearing at times, but he would never do anything to harm his friends, so please don’t worry about it.”
Liam pipped in with a vehement nod, “Plus, Mr. Cordova said that he would buy out his business if he tries to make a fuss, so he won’t say anything unless he wants to lose his company.”
She let out a weak chuckle and nodded. “I-I guess I was just a bit surprised by his appearance.”
I nodded quietly as we walked up the steps into the library.
Although I still couldn’t hug her without making her anxious, I thought that our relationship had at least gone passed the stage of being a secret. She rarely stuttered around me and never trembled in my presence anymore, so it seemed like she had finally settled in with me.
When she started initiating physical touches, I thought it was a big step forward for us. She seemed to enjoy spending time with me and even allowed me into her home. So was it wrong of me to consider that innocent kiss from before as a sign of affection? Or did I misunderstand?
I knew that she didn’t want our relationship to be announced to the public yet because it was too early, but I thought she would at least be alright if one or two people knew about it. That we wouldn’t have to keep it an absolute secret. Yet, she was completely frazzled from having only Benedict, someone we had both known for ages, find out.
Was there some other reason for wanting to keep it hidden that I didn’t know about? Did she only say she liked me for my sake?
I knew that I had pushed her into a relationship with me, but I thought that we had gotten close enough for her to reciprocate my feelings. She trusted me enough to let a male like myself into her safe space, but was it not because she saw me as her partner? Did she only see me as a shield that was good at warding off worse evils?
Keeping an arm around Danary, I tried to push the intrusive thoughts away as we walked around the building, searching for the lecture hall for this weekend’s demonstration. When we reached the back of the building, I watched Liam excitedly bounded off into the hallway with a promise to wait at the entrance of the hall when the lecture finished.
After Liam disappeared behind the two heavy doors, I looked down at Danary. I was about to ask what she wanted to do next, but the question quickly flew out of my mind when I saw her anxiously trying to cover up parts of her face with her sweater, hiding from the mass of people passing by us.
A sharp pain shot through my heart to see her trying not to be seen with me.
Yet, I couldn’t help thinking that I wouldn’t mind being her shield even if she never truly returned my feelings. She never asked me for anything and always refused whenever I offer her anything.
She always thought of others before herself. She was so selfless that I wouldn’t mind granting her one selfish wish.
I wouldn’t mind having my feelings trampled as long as she was happy. For as long as she wants me by her side, I will continue to stand by her stand as her shield, even if it means staying in a one-sided relationship.
I carefully guided her up a wooden stairwell to a more isolated area on the upper floor.
Only once we were out of range of others did she start to relax, dropping her oversized sleeve from the lower half of her face.
I monotonously watched her timidly stalk toward the large bookshelves, staring in awe at the murals on the ceilings. I could tell how happy she felt from the joy that built up on her face, how her eyes seemed to twinkle ever so slightly more every passing second.
And, yet, even though it brought warmth to my heart, my chest still felt hollow. I hated thinking about her in such a negative way, and I couldn’t understand why this feeling of doubt was suddenly building up inside of me.
No matter how I thought about it, she had been gradually opening up to me with each passing day, and I knew how big of a step it was for her every time it happened. Letting me be near her. Willingly messaging me to let me know about the little parts of her day. Inviting me into her home for dinner and letting me grow closer to her son. She had made it clear that she was slowly letting me into her life one step at a time.
So, why couldn’t I shake the feeling that it may not be as real as I thought? Was it because she still wore that ring around me? Or was it because I still knew nothing about her on a deeper level, nothing about her or Liam’s past? Was that why I couldn’t help feeling hurt whenever she tried to hide to avoid being seen with me?
I know that Liam told me that they didn’t have any male figures in their lives, so why did it still feel like I could lose her to someone else at any moment, even though I was the closest one to them now?
I silently trailed after her little figure, watching how she traced the spines of a stack of old books with the tip of her finger. Happiness oozed out of her as she absorbed all the intricate details etched into this library.
How her button nose wrinkled in excitement when she recognized a certain title. How her steps almost floated off the ground as she joyfully padded down the hallway. How her hair swayed with each step and fell right passed her cheek whenever she leaned down to get a closer look.
When she caught sight of me in front of the corner of her eye, she turned toward me and eagerly waved me over to a decorative exhibition with a brimming smile. A smile that was so bright that it could put stars to shame.
Would it be allowable for me to selfishly chain her down to me even though her heart belonged to someone else?
Looking at her shining smile, I knew that I would do everything in my power to keep this ray of sunshine in my life. Even if it meant abusing my power and wealth to make sure that someone else would never get a chance to step back into her life.