“How can I let it be, Elk? You think it was easy for me? Why can’t you just be straight with me? Is it so hard to be truthful?” Maya’s eyes teared up.
“I am truthful. I never lied. It’s you who hid, left me 18 years ago, and never even tried to connect with me until you found Priya. Don’t you think that’s bullshit that makes me even angrier?” Elk glared.
Maya flinched. No matter what, he was her mate, and her wolf would always be submissive to him. They hadn’t rejected each other, even if she had been away from him for so many years. The bond was still there, and nothing could tear it apart.
“Tell me one thing: would you so easily forgive me if I had left without a word, like you did?” Elk questioned.
“I don’t know how to compare. The situation is different now.”
Elk took a deep breath. “It’s different because it was you. If it had been me who left you without a word, you wouldn’t forgive me. At least I’m forgiving,” Elk rolled his eyes, sounding thoroughly pissed.
Maya took more sips from her glass, too overwhelmed to say anything. He was being practical.
She knew she wouldn’t forgive him if he had left her. Maybe that was selfish, and she regretted her decision, but that didn’t mean she could go back in time.
She regretted leaving without talking to him, but she never regretted leaving him in the pack, because he was needed here more than with her.
She regretted taking Levi and Rish away from him 18 years ago, but for the most part, she didn’t regret her actions. She knew it was necessary.
“What’s wrong now? Why so silent? When it comes to you, the rules are different, but when it comes to me, you want to play differently.”
“Then don’t forgive me. I don’t want forgiveness that leads to nothing. Let me live with the guilt that I’ll never be forgiven by you. That would be better,” Maya’s eyes flared up, tears shining in them.
Elk locked eyes with her. “I’m not forgiving you for your sake. I’ve lived in so much misery for the past 18 years. Now I want to put a full stop to it. I’ve had enough, so I decided to forgive you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean I need to give you another chance. That’s your own delusion, which I don’t need to fulfil.”
Maya’s heart clenched, her whole body feeling as if someone was snatching her soul away.
This pain was something she knew she would have to bear whenever she met Elk, but when he forgave her before, she thought maybe they had a chance. She thought she would get her chance; everyone deserves a chance.
Now it is all shattered. Her heart felt everything like a fresh wound, exactly what she felt when she left this pack 18 years ago. This feeling was worse than what she had experienced then.
Or maybe this was a fresh feeling, and the old pain had somehow faded now. But if that were the case, how could she remember all the pain and feelings exactly as they were in that moment? She felt like she was facing what she felt years ago, but now Elk’s words were added, making it far more painful.
Maya’s throat felt tight, her chest constricting with each breath. She wanted to scream, to beg Elk to reconsider, but her pride held her back. Instead, she clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms.
“So that’s it then?” she managed to choke out. “Is our mate’s bond gone?”
Elk’s expression softened for a moment, a flicker of pain crossing his features before his face hardened again. “Not gone. Never gone. But sometimes the past needs to stay in the past, Maya.”
She nodded slowly, fighting back tears. “And what about Levi and Rish? They’re your children too, Elk. They deserve to have you in their life.”
Elk ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. “I want to know them. But it’s complicated. They’ve grown up without me, and I… I don’t know how to be a father to grown children.”
“You could learn,” Maya whispered. “Please I am begging you, Elk.”
For a moment, hope bloomed in her chest. But Elk shook his head, his eyes sad but resolute. She doesn’t want to beg, but now her pride doesn’t matter, only this bond matters.
“I need time, Maya. Time to process all of this, to figure out who I am now and what I want. Can you understand that?”
Maya wanted to argue, to push, but she knew she had no right. She had been the one to leave, to make decisions that affected them all without consulting Elk. Now, she had to respect his choices, no matter how much it hurt.
“I understand,” she said softly. “But please, don’t shut our kids out completely. They’ve waited so long to meet you. How much time do you need?”
Elk nodded, his shoulders slumping slightly. “I don’t know how much time I need, but I promise I’ll try to build a relationship with them. But you and me… that’s a different story.”
Maya felt her heart breaking all over again, but she forced herself to nod. “I know. I… I’m sorry, Elk. For everything.”
He looked at her for a long moment, his eyes filled with a swirl of emotions she couldn’t quite decipher.
“You know I love you, right?” Maya choked out. “I can’t do anything but beg. If I could, I’d open my heart and show you.”
“You should have thought of that before leaving,” Elk replied, his voice tight. “Years have passed, and I’m not ready for new pain or to reopen old wounds.”
Maya felt her heart sinking, but she pressed on, desperation colouring her words. “Can’t we at least try? For the sake of what we once had, for our children?”
Elk’s jaw clenched, his eyes reflecting a storm of emotions. “No, we can’t.”
The curt denial totally broke Maya’s hopes. She could see how he wasn’t even trying to let her have any hope, making sure to break them off just like how she broke his trust 18 years ago. She knew it was her fault.
Why did it hurt like a bitch in heat? Maybe because she was seeing him in person. She had thought about this exact moment a lot, but the feeling of it now was beyond her capacity to endure.