239
Gianna’s POV
I stared at the mirror in my bedroom, smoothing down the hem of the black dress I’d chosen for tonight. It was simple but elegant, something I could wear to look like I wasn’t trying too hard. My hair was styled, my makeup subtle but polished. I looked like I had my life together-or at least like I could pretend I did for a couple of hours.
“Why am I doing this again?” I muttered to myself, letting out a shaky sigh.
Because your friends told you to. Because you can’t keep thinking about Matteo. Because this is the first step to moving on.
The reasons ran through my mind like a mantra, but none of them felt convincing. Still, I grabbed my clutch and headed out the door. I wasn’t the type to bail out of things I’ve already committed to, and I wouldn’t start now.
The restaurant was trendy but not overly formal, the kind of place where first dates happened all the time. I spotted Jason almost immediately-tall, blonde, and conventionally attractive, just like Riley had promised. He was waiting by the bar, scrolling through his phone, and when he saw me, his face lit up with a smile.
“Gianna, right?” he asked, standing and offering a handshake. “You look even better in person.”
“Thanks,” I said, forcing a polite smile. “You’re Jason?”
“That’s me,” he said, laughing a little as if to ease the tension. “I got us a table over there.”
I followed him to a small table near the window. Soft chit chat of people around filled the air. Jason pulled out my chair for me. It nice but it still felt overly formal. I thanked him and sat, suddenly hyper-aware of every move I made.
“So, Riley told me you work in…business, right?” Jason asked as we looked over the menus.
“Yeah, I’m the CEO of a finance company,” Isaid, trying to keep my tone casual.
Jason’s eyes widened slightly. “CEO? That’s impressive. You must be insanely busy.”
“I manage,” I said, waving it off. “What about you? Riley mentioned you’re in tech?”
“Yeah, I’m a software engineer. Nothing as exciting as being a CEO, though,” he said with a chuckle. “Do you like what you do?”
“I do,” I said, but my mind was already drifting. Matteo used to ask me that question too, though the way he asked it was different. He genuinely wanted to know, to understand me.
“That’s great,” Jason said, snapping me back to the present. “I think it’s rare to find people who actually like their jobs these days.”
“True,” I said, nodding.
There was a pause, one that felt a little too long. Jason smiled awkwardly, then launched into a story about a project he was working on, but I wasn’t fully listening. My thoughts kept circling back to Matteo. I could picture him so clearly-his crooked smile, the way his eyes lit up when he was passionate about something, the way he’d tease me just to see me laugh.
“Gianna?” Jason’s voice broke through my reverie.
“Huh?” I blinked, realizing he’d just asked me a question. “Sorry, what was that?”
“I asked if you like to travel,” he said, his smile faltering slightly.
“Oh, yeah, I do,” I said quickly, trying to recover. “I’ve been to Europe a few times for work. What about you?”
Jason launched into a story about a backpacking trip through South America, but I couldn’t focus. Every time he spoke, my mind wandered back to Matteo. I thought about how he used to tell me about his dreams of traveling more, how he wanted to see the world but didn’t have the chance to just yet.
I felt a sharp and sudden pang in my chest. What was I doing here, sitting across from a man I barely knew, pretending to be interested when my heart was clearly somewhere else?
“Are you okay?” Jason asked, his brow furrowing in concern.
“Yeah,” I said quickly, forcing a smile. “Just…a lot on my mind.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he offered, his tone genuinely kind.
“No, it’s fine,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m sorry, I’m not really being good company tonight.”
“It’s okay,” Jason said, his smile turning sheepish. “First dates are always a little awkward, right?”
“Right,” I said, laughing weakly.
But the truth was, it wasn’t just awkward-it was wrong. Sitting here, trying to make small talk, felt like trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for me. I couldn’t stop thinking of Matteo no matter how hard I was trying.
When the waiter came to take our orders, I hesitated. Jason ordered a steak, but I couldn’t bring myself to choose anything.
“I’m actually not feeling very well,” I said suddenly, surprising even myself. “I think I need to go.”
Jason looked taken aback but nodded. “Oh, of course. Do you need me to call you a cab or something?”
“No, I’m fine,” I answered, grabbing my clutch and standing. “I’m really sorry for cutting this short. It’s not you-it’s just me. I shouldn’t have come out tonight.”
Jason stood too, his expression sympathetic. “Don’t worry about it. I hope you feel better.”
“Thanks,” I said, offering him a weak smile before making my way out of the restaurant.
The night air was cool against my skin as I stepped outside, taking a deep breath. My chest was tight and my emotions were a tangled mess of guilt, frustration, and sadness.
I didn’t know where to go, so I just started walking. The city buzzed around me, lights and sounds blending into a blur as I tried to process everything.
My friends had meant well when they suggested dating someone new, but they didn’t understand how deep my feelings for Matteo ran. He wasn’t just someone I could replace or forget. He was the man who had made me feel alive, who had challenged me, who had seen me for who I really was.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I wiped them away angrily. I hated feeling this way-vulnerable, lost, and completely out of control. But most of all, I hated that Matteo still had this hold on me, even after everything that had happened.
By the time I made it back to my condo, my legs were aching and my heart felt heavier than ever. I kicked off my shoes and collapsed onto the couch, burying my face in my hands.
I couldn’t keep doing this. I couldn’t keep pretending that I could move on when my heart was still so firmly tethered to Matteo. But what choice did I have? Holding on to him wasn’t an option either-not when things were so broken between us.
For the first time in a long time, I let myself cry. Not just a few tears, but deep, wrenching sobs that shook my whole body. It was the kind of cry that left me drained, but somehow lighter, as if I’d finally let go of some of the pain and anger I’d been carrying.