“Baby, what are you talking about” I asked her, everything she was saying was as if she was reading from a book of my bad deeds.
“You only need something in order of it’s importance. No matter how much you need me now, if there is something more important than me, I would become a forgotten topic in the blink of an eye”
“No…”
I tried to take a step towards her and she took a step back. I felt my guts wrench, the physical pain of my chest caving was gruesome.
I took a step towards her again and she took a step back.
“You wanted the stupid papers signed so bad that you didn’t see how worried I was about Kylee, now you have the the divorce papers signed and it’s order of important had reshuffled and gone under me, you can now see me clearly?”
“Jenna, this conclusions that you’re jumping into is an effect on conditioning. What Josef said, what Jeandre said, what Kylee said, what Marcellino said…. And I’ve been trying to get you toa talk to me or see a therapist because you’ve been harbouring these thoughts and I suspected that very soon, something would trigger it. Right now everything you’re saying might feel like the truth but it’s not”
She laughed and crossed her hand across her chest.
“That’s what narcissistic say. You’re gaslighting me?”
This was something that I never believed would happen between Jenna and I. My heart was being crazy in my chest and I was scared because I couldn’t talk her into relaxing.
“You know something? I was sitting on the bed when I saw torn pieces of paper on the beside table and I set them out and saw it was a note like the one I was getting from Josef. And I set them out like a puzzle and I read it. Tell me why my mother wrote a love note to you”
“I don’t know why she wrote it, and I only just realised that it was from her”
“How long has this bee?”
“Days”
“You didn’t bother to tell me?”
Silver lined her eyes. I was being crushed and in totally devastated by her pain.
“What did you give her as a pare Christmas gift?”
She shifted and brushed the tears from her eyes but more appeared.
She didn’t wait for me to reply, she asked me again.
“You knew she had a gambling habit and you got her more and more money, you cleared her debts every fucking time, why didn’t you get her help? Was it one of your plan?”
Jenna sighed and shook her head.
“I think I need to take a while to rethink all of this” she said.
I was speechless, I wanted to say something, but I was too scared to even breathe.
I frowned as I watched her go to her luggage, she opened it up and pulled out a very familiar box.
Our engagement ring box, my world started crashing right before my very eyes.
“Jenna, darling… Please listen to me, you need to calm down. You’re angry at me and I understand but please, don’t make any decisions ”
She held the box out.
“We need to rethink this thing we have going in”
This thing? Our relationship was more just a thing.
“Bay please, stop it ”
“I am calling off the engagement. I don’t just need time to breathe and think about this, I need a break, a really long one because these past few months have been so…”
“Jenna, what do you want me to do right now, tell me I’ll do it. Don’t give me the ring, it belongs to you, my fiancee ”
“I’m no longer your fiancee ”
She stretched out the box to me and I refused to take it, I wouldn’t. She’s my fiancee, my future wife, the mother of my child, my future children.
“Your ring is in there, Christian. The first big one is at your house. Please take it back and let’s act like two mature adults ”
“If acting like two mature adults means losing you then I won’t. That’s your ring, you belong with me”
She walked back to the bed and dropped the ring box on it.
“Don’t come looking for me”
I stood in the exit.
“Please don’t do this to me. I’m begging you”
“Get outof the way”
“Please stay and we’ll resolve this”
“Get out of the way. You’re the master planner aren’t you, I’m sure you can replace me in a second ”
I went down on my knees.
“Jenna please, don’t leave me. Remember your big?”
She paused, I hoped to whatever was holy that I had touched a spot in her heart.
“Don’t use that against me, this is a different case”
“It’s not. You said you wouldn’t leave me not matter what. You vowed”
“That was when I still considered myself your fiancee”
“You still are. You already said yes the ring was just a symbol to show what we had. I love you and it’s not true that I would put anything over you”
“I really hate you right now”
Her words crushed me and I had never known pain like this. Not even when my parents rejected me, not when I was physically hurt.
“Jenna you’re my Al. I don’t know what I will be without you’
***
It was burning anger I felt and also fear. That fear that was intensified after hearing Josef’s words. Did I really matter to him or was I just some convenience, the way he tossed Kylee aside showed me that he could also toss me aside.
“I know that I should have started looking for Kylee as soon as I heard that she felt but you’re more important than anything. Nothing would ever be more important than you, nothing would come first even if I tried”
I cleaned the tears again and I brushed my wet cheeks with my fingers.
“Let’s find Kylee together?” I asked him stretching out my hand for him to take. He took my hand but he didn’t stand up, instead he pulled me to him and he hugged me tight.