Shirley
My hand is shaking a lot, but it’s definitely there, that bastard little red line that means I’m positively pregnant.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
It rises inside me from the pit of my stomach as though I’m going to throw up and settles as an intense pressure in my chest. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. This is a panic attack. I try to reason with myself. I tell myself I need to calm down, or someone might notice something.
I sit on the closed toilet lid, and my right leg bounces up and down as I stare at the little red line forming the plus sign. My world is over. My life is going to end. What the hell am I going to do?
When the Sorvinos informally adopted me, I was also christened and baptized a catholic. I can’t just run around and have a fucking abortion.
And what if Evgenii finds out? I haven’t slept with anyone else in months. It’s definitely his. Goddammit, I’m so thick! Why did I get drunk with him and fall into bed with him again as though he didn’t rip my soul to pieces and scatter it to the wind?
My phone makes a sound, and I look up sharply. I’m fighting back the tears as I take it from the nearby counter and look at the messages from Evgenii. A part of me wants to call him and tell him I’m not okay and that we should sort this out together. We can sort this out together and figure out how to make this work. I know I still have feelings for him, love and hate, but I don’t know if I can do that.
I put the phone back on the counter and hung my head. When I discovered what Evgenii had done to me and how he had used me, I vowed to put on my big girl panties and never rely on him or another man again and that I would never show weakness.
Oh, God, Helena suspects I’m pregnant. If she figures out I’m going to get an abortion, I will be disowned by the family, professionally and personally. I can’t disappoint them like that.
I need a plan. I wipe my eyes. I’m going to tell them I’m pregnant, but only when I absolutely have to, and when I do, I’ll just say I was pregnant by a boy back home that left me, and I want nothing to do with him anyway.
I open the window. There’s a hedge outside. I’m not an idiot. I’m not going to leave the pregnancy test in the dustbin for someone to find. I throw it into the hedge as far as I can, and you can’t see it from where I’m standing. I shut the window, flush the toilet and wash my hands.
I go back to my office quickly, and as I enter, I find Alessandro sitting in my chair, looking thoughtful. He has papers in his hands, which I recognize as my rough first draft. He’s reading over it.
I wait until he sets it down and looks up at me. “Shirley.” Shit.
No one in the family calls me Shirley.
I look into his eyes. “Don Sorvino.”
It’s respect, and I will always show him respect.
“Tell me about your date with Mikhail Golubev.” He sounds torn between curiosity and disappointment. I move to sit down opposite him. “I’ve been having ‘dates’ with bachelors from the various families to see what they are going to propose to Don Pacheco, so I can secure us the best chance of winning.”
Alessandro’s eyes don’t leave my face as I speak. Once I’m done explaining, he sits back, stroking his chin. “I’m worried you’re letting your emotions get the best of you, Shirls. This could backfire.”
Inwardly, I’m relieved. I’m not talking to my boss anymore. Technically, I’m talking to a man I consider my oldest brother.
“Everyone brings up the fact that I made the mistake of trusting Evgenii when I was a kid. How often do I have to prove myself before I’m forgiven? Have I not proved I’m trustworthy? Don’t I run your operations flawlessly, without question?”
Alessandro stands up and leans on my table. “You’ve been more emotional lately, swinging from rage to laughter. Don’t think I don’t notice, Shirley. Everyone has a breaking point, and I think Evgenii is yours.”
I keep as straight-faced as I can. “Evgenii is the last person I’ll ever trust or care for. I am emotional, Alessandro, and I am exhausted. This is a big deal, and it takes a lot of work to protect the family and secure the best territories and positions. I’m not complaining, but until this deal is sealed, I might come across as a bit stressed, a little tired ’cause I don’t sleep, and maybe I just have a lot on my mind.”
Alessandro studies me for a moment and then gives a heavy sigh. I know the weight of the family has been on his shoulders for a long time now. All his siblings and some cousins have certainly added to the gray in his hair and beard. I feel bad, but I can’t tell him I slept with Evgenii. I’ll lose everything.
“Shirls,” he says quietly, coming around the table to where I’m sitting. He leans against the table and takes my hands, holding them gently. “I will murder any fucking clown that starts with my family. You are my family. Please, if you need to talk to someone, you can talk. I’m willing to listen without judgment. If not me, anyone else in the family would be happy to sit and talk with you.”
Oh, God, my heart is breaking. I cannot cry.
Instead, I let a warm smile spread across my face. “Thank you, Alessandro. I know that I am safe and protected in the family, that we are family. I love you all and will always put you first in my life. I promise that
I’m fine.”
Our eyes stare into each other’s before he leans down and kisses my forehead. “Send me the final draft of the proposal when you’re ready.”
I nod, and Alessandro lets go of my hands, walking out of my office.
I give it a moment before I hug myself and breathe deeply. I don’t know if he believed me. Alessandro is quiet but so much more clever than all of us. Even if he weren’t the eldest, he’d be our leader. He has been since we were children.
I move to my chair and look at the proposal papers. I pick up a pencil and try reading through it, but I can’t concentrate. I lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and place a hand on my stomach.
A child? Not something I ever wanted. I love my nieces, nephews, and cousins but never thought I was mother material. Lord knows everyone has asked me enough times to have children, settle down, and get married.
I am married-to my work, and it’s why the Sorvino presence is just as strong on the West Coast as it is in New York and other strategic places. Everyone in the family has gone through a lot over the years, and I don’t want to add to it.
Maybe I should tell Helena. She would know what to do, and I wouldn’t have to tell her who the father is. Just a nobody from the West Coast, a bad drunken decision.
Isn’t that what this is, after all?
I open my eyes and feel a calm settle over me.
I hear my phone vibrating as texts stream in, and I know it’s him. I
didn’t respond earlier, and now he’s worried. Does that mean he really does care about me? Does that mean that he does love me? I can’t take a chance to find out because there’s only a tiny fragment of my heart left, and if that’s crushed, I think I may die.
And now I have a reason to live.
Evgenii
I have been texting her for hours, and I’m pretty much in stalker mode now. I want her to tell me she’s okay because if she’s okay, then maybe we can be okay.
Sitting alone at home, I stare at my phone. She’s read the texts but not answered. I sigh and decide to draft a slightly more honest text. The simple solution is to go to the expert.
I knock on Natalia’s door and explain the situation before handing her my phone.
I know you’re reading my messages.
I’m sorry I interfered with your date last night. It was really condescending. To be honest, I was jealous that you would be into someone like Mikhail because that means I’m the bottom-of-the-barrel choice now. I know you said you wanted nothing to do with me, but I really want to make it up to you. I’m sorry for last night, and I would love to see you again to make it right. If you’re willing, meet me at the pier tonight. There’s a carnival in town, and I promise a fun night. I remember how you used to love carnivals.
Ev.
“Ev?” I look at her, scandalized. “And you already sent it without me approving it. I look like some emotional wreck of a man.” I stare at my sister, who smiles smugly.
“My older brother comes to me about a girl he hurt, that he can’t stop thinking about and that he desperately wants to prove himself to. No matter how fucking badass you are in the Bratva, you’re an emotional wreck of a man when it comes to her.”
She has a point, but I keep my grumpy face, grumble to myself, and leave, saying, “If she doesn’t reply, I’m coming for you.”
I try to focus on the work I need to do in my office, trying not to check my phone constantly. I even set her a unique sound so I can ignore other messages.
An hour passes until she finally messages, and I almost fall over reaching for the phone that has somehow made it to the outer rim of my desk. I open the message and read it quickly.
“What did she say?” Nat asks from the doorway.
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. It worked.” I smile brightly.
“She’s coming, and I can pick her up at six.”
Natalia pretends to be impressed and then laughs. “Have fun. I’m going out now. I have plans with some friends that involve me getting a tan.”
I look up sharply. “Please take a guard with you…at Ivan’s house….”
“I heard,” she interrupts me. “I will take two guards, don’t worry.”
I watch her leave and decide to get ready. I don’t want to dress as a businessman, so I put on a form-hugging white tee and a pair of jeans. I wear my Nike shoes but leave my stubble, which has gotten long.
I walk back to my office, where a guard is waiting for me. I frown. “And now?”
“One of our northern warehouses was raided. None of the blues on the payroll know anything about it, and they’ve confiscated everything, boss.”
Those warehouses are well-kept secrets. You’d have to be told about them to know where they are. I nod. “Get me a list of the cops involved in the raid. Maybe they can join our payroll.”
I glance at my watch. I have just enough time to go to my barber, and then I can fetch Shirley. My men drive me into New York City to this out-of-place barber. There are high-rise buildings on either side of his twostory office. He lives on top of his shop on the ground floor.
I walk in, and he glances up. “Cutting it close, Mr. Volkov.”
“No pun intended.” I smile. “A quick haircut and some beard maintenance, please. I am going out this evening.”
“In the chair, please.”
My guards stand nearby as Charles works his magic. I relax as he scalps, cuts, shapes, and otherwise makes me look a lot younger than I am. I stare into the mirror. Surely there wasn’t that much gray in my hair and beard before? I shake my head. It is my birthday soon. A sudden thought strikes me. I should throw a celebratory party and invite the Sorvinos and, therefore, Shirley.
It’s genius, but I think Natalia will have to put it together. I’m useless at that sort of thing. That would also give her something to keep her busy.
At six sharp, I’m outside Alessandro’s home. Instead of driving with my guards, they are following in another vehicle. I want privacy with Shirley, and I don’t want stories getting back to Ivan.
I stand outside the car and watch as Shirley walks toward me wearing tights, trainers, and a knitted jumper. She also has a fluffy scarf wrapped around her neck.
I offer her a smile and my hand, she takes it, and I help her into the car before I get into the driver’s side. I wait for her to buckle up before I drive toward the pier.
She doesn’t say much, and the silence is a little awkward. When we arrive, I help her out of the car. She seems different. I don’t know why, but something about her screams that she isn’t the same as she was the last time I saw her when she got in that cab.
I smile and take her hand. “Tonight, we are going to play all the games until we win you a giant teddy bear prize.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not a kid anymore, Evgenii.”
I pout. “But you loved it when I won you bears.”
She looks away, but I see the smile tugging at the corner of her lips, so I lead her toward the entrance. My guards do a great job keeping us safe, but at a distance, as we move from one game to another. We win various prizes until the very end, when I manage to win her an oversized panda.
She holds it happily, beaming at me. We walk to the food section and gorge ourselves on the deep-fried and sugary goods that we should sensibly deny ourselves. I won’t lie, I feel stuffed when we’re done and somewhat sick. I don’t eat sugar in that quantity.
I lead Shirley to the Ferris wheel, another fan favorite, and I get us tickets to get on. The night is drawing to a close, and it’s chilly, so we sit right up next to each other, and I put an arm around her shoulders. The wheel moves slowly, and for a moment, there is silence but not an awkward one. It’s very comforting. The view is stunning, looking over the ocean and seeing the city lights on the opposite coast in the distance. I smile softly. “Thank you for letting me take you out tonight.”
“It’s no problem,” she says quietly. “To be honest, I’ve just wanted someone to talk to.”
“Why? Is something wrong?” I ask quietly.
“Mikhail’s proposal is good. I know Don Pacheco is leaning toward him,” she says quietly. “And I don’t know if my offer is any good.”
I pull back slightly and say, “You don’t have to discuss business with me, Shirley.”
“I know, but I feel like there’s no one else I can be vulnerable with. I can trust you, right?” The way she looks up at me seals it. She is my everything, and I will kill any motherfucker to give her what she wants.
“You can,” I say confidently. “What are you proposing?”
She smiles, almost sadly, and takes a deep breath. “Well, I’m thinking a 20-million-dollar down payment, with a monthly stipend of ten percent of sales for the rest of time or until we lose control of the area. Also, I want to position his sons in charge of some of our more legitimate businesses. They’ll distract the cops from what we’re actually doing.”
I nod as she speaks. “It’s good, but I can’t imagine Don Pacheco taking that. Mikhail is probably offering more than that. I would work on it a little more.”
“I’ve been in and out with Don Pacheco for a while now, he semiapproved my rough draft, but I think he’s negotiating between families, but he’s so secretive. That’s why I was trying to get Mikhail to tell me what he’s offering.” She looks up at me again, her eyes sparkling.
I lean down and kiss her lips softly. She raises a hand, but she doesn’t push me away. She returns my soft kiss. That’s all we do-soft small kisses on the lips and face, enjoying each other’s taste.
“I am falling for you….” I murmur between kisses. “I don’t think I ever fell out of love with you….”
That’s when I feel her tense. I’ve said the wrong thing. She withdraws from me and looks the opposite way. “I can’t do this again. I’ve already told you too much.”
“I won’t use what you’ve told me,” I say, reaching to turn her face back to mine. “Shirley, please tell me what I must do.” I’m hurt, but I need to focus on her. “Tell me what I must do to prove my love to you.”
Shirley sniffs and looks away. It’s as if the Ferris wheel has the worst timing ever as it starts its slow descent back to the ground.
“Right now,” she says quietly, “I just want to go home.”