Carmine
I don’t know what to do with myself. My life feels completely void of meaning because I don’t have Arianna next to me. I don’t know if she’s safe or if she’s being punished for being with me. I don’t even know if she’s allowed to race anymore.
I’ve done nothing but drink, I think, as I open another beer and move to sit on my sofa. There are empty beer cans strewn about the floor, and if someone walked in here, they’d assume I am an alcoholic.
Despite what they’ve decided, I’m still loyal to the Sorvinos. I won’t serve another family. Sometimes families have disagreements and fights, and this is one of those times. Everything is wrong, and I wish there were a way I could get the Sorvinos to see that I would take excellent care of Arianna.
I look up as there’s a knock at my door. I don’t really have friends, so this puts me on edge. I grab my handgun and approach the door slowly, wondering if Dominic has decided to put a hole in my head regardless of what Alessandro promised.
“Who is it?” I call, holding onto the gun tightly.
“It’s Mom. I’m alone,” Helena says, and I frown. I put the gun in the waistband of my pants and open the door slowly, “What do you want?” I ask a little rudely.
“Don’t speak to your mother that way,” she says briskly. “I need to speak to you.”
“Oh, now you’re my mother,” I comment, stepping aside to let her in. She walks in and glances around the messy apartment before looking at me.
“You’ve always been a neat freak,” she comments.
“This isn’t like you.”
“It’s the new post-family me. Want a beer?” She shakes her head, and I shut the door to sit down. I notice she’s carrying a bag in her hands, and she sets it on the counter before turning to me.
“There’s some homemade food for you. I know you’re terrible at feeding yourself, which is why we always make you eat with us.” She shifts slightly. “And I wanted to talk to you.”
“What could you possibly have to say that the rest of the family hasn’t already made clear? I haven’t tried to see
Arianna, so it’s not that.”
“How do you feel about Arianna?” she asks, sitting on the armchair to my left.
I snort, “What I feel doesn’t matter. That’s been made clear.”
She leans forward and puts a hand on my arm. I don’t pull away; instead, I look into her blue eyes. “How do you feel about her?” she asks again.
I swallow. “I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m not around her, Mom,” I cave in. It must be the alcohol. “I feel like no one can keep her safe like I can. That no one can love her the way I can, I realized that I’ve always loved her and that my playboy ways were just a bandage because I knew I could never have her. When she said she felt the same way about me, I felt like two halves of a soul joined together. That we could face anything together, even Alessandro, I would be loyal to her like no other man and love her for the rest of eternity.”
Helena purses her lips and then rummages in her bag. She hands me a business card. “Be here at nine sharp, sober.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Just do it and trust me.” She gets up and kisses my head. “I’m sorry I betrayed you.”
She leaves, and I set the beer down, looking at the business card for a boutique. I don’t know what she’s planning, but she seemed quite serious. I pour the rest of my beer down the drain, shower, and eat some of the cannoli Mom brought for me. Then I go pass out in my bed after setting the alarm.
Standing outside the boutique, I’m worried this is an elaborate setup to get me killed, but I’m here now, and I can only hope that Mom wouldn’t do that to me. That would definitely break me.
I open the door, and a bell jingles above me. A severelooking woman comes storming over to me. “Carmine?” “Yes, why?” I ask, surprised.
“I was expecting you. Come quickly before someone sees.” She shoos me toward the back and into a huge fitting room. “You stay here.”
I look around at the mirrors that cover every wall except for a back door which might be an exit, and the curtained entrance we walked through.
There’s that jingle again of the door, and I clench my fists; I have my gun just in case. I hear Helena’s voice. “Just come over here. I don’t have time to explain. You can hate me later.”
The curtain draws back, and a pissed-off Arianna steps in. For a moment, there’s just silence as the shock registers on her face, then I rush to her, and she to me, and I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly.
“Carmine,” she says softly. “How? Why?”
I look at Helena, who stands at the entranceway. “I’m so sorry, Cup Cake. I didn’t know. I thought I was doing what was best. I know now that I was wrong, that you also deserve happiness.”
“Dominic spoke to you,” Arianna comments, although she looks hesitant to forgive her mother.
“I overheard you two talking,” she admits. “And I’m so sorry I caused this. Please, my sweet angel, give me a chance to make this right. I will fix this.”
“Women don’t get involved with the family business,”
Arianna says quietly. “How can you?”
Helena steps forward slowly, and Arianna doesn’t move as her mother reaches up and strokes a stray strand of hair out of her face. “You’d be surprised how much women affect family business. Our husbands listen to us, and speak to us. We know everything that happens and mention what needs to be mentioned. I’ll deal with your father, don’t you worry. For now, you have an hour to spend together. Then, Arianna, you must leave. I’m going to tell Carlos to wait outside in the street for you, that you’re being fitted for clothes.”
I look down at Helena. “Thank you,” I say, my voice slightly hoarse with emotion.
She pats my face. “My children deserve to be happy, all of them.”
She smiles at us and walks out, and Arianna turns to me. I kiss her deeply, wrapping my arms around her and holding her against me. When we part, I stroke her face as though I’ll never see her again. “I love you so much,” I murmur.
“I love you with my everything,” she says quietly. “I’d give up my racing days to spend one more night with you.” I smile sadly. “We can’t bank on Mom getting Pa to change his mind. We might not be able to see each other again,” I swallow hard. “And that kills me, Ari. Please know it fucking kills me.”
She kisses my lips softly. “Shhh, let’s just be in each other’s arms for now. I don’t want to think about being apart when I’m with you.”
I lead her to a bench where we settle down, her leaning against my chest. I stroke her side softly and kiss her head.
Arianna
After seeing Carmine, it hurts more that I can’t be with him. I know we’re meant to be together in my heart, and I know my brother will never allow that for as long as he lives. I know my mother wants to make amends, and I appreciate the gesture, but everything is lost unless she can convince Alessandro to change his mind.
After we leave and go back home, I go to my room and spend the next few days moping there. I come out for meals but refuse to speak to anyone and barely eat. Alessandro has tried to force me to eat, but even he doesn’t have that much power.
Every time he speaks to me, I just stare at him blankly until he gets annoyed and tells me to leave. Katya has also tried to convince me to eat, but I’m not interested.
My life has never felt more complete than it did with Carmine by my side. I know that now. He’s always been the one to make me laugh when I’m upset or support my wild ideas when no one else would. He’s always had my back since I was eight, and I’m a fool for not realizing it sooner. Maybe it would be different if we had started dating before he was a playboy.
No, it wouldn’t. I know that’s just a lie I tell myself to make me feel better about my position in this family. I’m just a pawn, easily sacrificed for the protection of the king. That’s all I mean to them.
I don’t feel like eating with them today, but I do feel like eating some fruit. I grab a bowl of fruit salad from the kitchen and got to sit in the garage, my only safe haven. Alessandro knows I’m here, but he never bothers me when I am. No one really does.
Dominic has tried to crack a few jokes with me, he’s even invited me out to parties, but I’ve not spoken to him either. He’s just as responsible as far as I’m concerned. My father as well.
I look up from my bowl of fruit as the door opens. My father stands there for a moment and then says, “I’d like to talk if that’s okay.”
I can’t help myself. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m just a slave, waiting to be ordered to whatever old man’s bed you want me to go to.”
He purses his lips. “That’s a bit dramatic, Arianna.”
I roll my eyes and swing my chair, so my back is to him.
“Cup Cake,” he says softly, “please speak to me. I know you’re upset about this situation, but you must understand where we are coming from.”
“I don’t,” I say coldly. “Please leave. This is my space.”
“How can you possibly be sure Carmine is the right man for you?” he asks, and I can tell he’s moved closer to me.
I swing around and glare at him. “Firstly, I’m twentyfive. I’m not an idiot. I am a university-educated woman who has, at times, run the legit side of the family business when Frankie wasn’t available. Have you got that?” He nods, waiting for me to continue.
“I repeat, I am not an idiot. Carmine has been there for me since I was eight years old. He never let anyone pick on me or take my toys, and if a boy broke my heart, Carmine would comfort me after he broke their legs.”
Romero nods again. “I remember this, sweetheart. If he weren’t around, you’d sob until he got there because he was the only one who could comfort you.”
“And it’s taken me forever to realize that I’m like that because I have always been in love with Carmine. He’s always been in love with me. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle. We are meant to be, I don’t know how I know it, but I feel it with all my heart. I would expect you and my brothers to understand what that feels like since you all profess to love your women so much.”
Romero pulls up a stool and sits opposite me. “It could just be lust or a honeymoon phase. What if he does turn back into a player?”
“I’m perfectly capable of shooting him myself. But I know I won’t have to. Carmine will never do anything to break my heart. Would you do it to Mom?”
He shakes his head. “Family means everything to us,
Cup Cake, you know that.”
“Except when it comes to me,” I say. “You suffocate me so much, Pa, that I’m a bird that will never get to fly because I constantly have my wings clipped to keep me from falling. Birds have to fall to fly; that’s how nature works. I used to think you did this because you loved me so much, but then Alessandro talks about finding me someone suitable to marry, and now I wonder, am I just a bartering chip for our family?” I shake my head. “That makes me sad,
Pa.”
“He didn’t mean it like that, Arianna. He just meant that someone who is better suited to you will come along,” Romero says with a sigh. “He didn’t mean he’s going to find someone for you to marry.”
I shrug. “It’s what it sounded like. Do you know what Carmine said? He wanted to prove to all of you that he was worthy of me. That he wasn’t a playboy and that he could take care of me. The entire time we were together, he was wracked with guilt. He didn’t want any of you to hate him or be disappointed in him. You say we value family, Pa, but
Carmine is family. Look how you guys treated him.”
My father looks at me, surprised. “You always surprise me with how much insight you have. You are right, Carmine is our family, but he lied, Arianna.”
“He didn’t want to give in and be with me,” I add, ignoring my father’s comment. “He denied me time and time again because he was so loyal to you guys. I almost had to beg him to be with me, to give us a chance. He lied because he didn’t want to jeopardize that trust. In this family, honestly is only the best policy if it suits.”
I put down the bowl I’m holding. “Is that what you wanted to talk about, Pa?”
He nods. “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Cup Cake. I would suggest you don’t see Carmine behind your brother’s back. It’s a betrayal, and he will have to punish Carmine. He can’t look weak. Not with other families making moves in and around New York. We sometimes need to compromise what we want to protect the family that gave us everything.”
“Trauma and issues, that’s what this family has given me,” I say. “And I never held it against anyone. If you are taking this back to Alessandro, I suggest you let him know this: If he doesn’t make this right, then one day he will wake up and not have a sister anymore, and he will regret it.”
I walk past my father and back into the house, not bothering to see if he’s following me or if he has anything else to say.